Standstill: Which path should I take?

Question

Okay, here's the deal

There's this girl that I've known for about 3 years now. Over the years, I've liked her, but she went on and dated someone else. At that time, she was one state over, so I was about 5 hours away from her. So, in a way, I understood why she dated him, but he ended up being a jerk to her. It really did a number on her, too. So now, I'm left with the emotional baggage and I'm her closest, best friend since I've known her the longest and have stuck around all this time for her.
Now, in December, my job is going to transfer me over to her state and about 10 minutes away from where she lives. When I told her this, she was so happy and so was I. But then, I started to get mixed emotions from her. One day, it would be "We would make an awesome couple" and then the next, it's "I've been hurt by (ex) and I don't want that to happen again. If you really cared for me, you would just be my friend" Now, I'm really scared and unsure of what do.

Any advice? Positive ones?

Answer 1

I could say a few negative things but I'll bite my tongue.

Give her a little more time to get over her ex.. it takes about half the time you dated that person to really get over them after the breakup. On a positive note, it's possible that she would be interested in a relationship but the timing just isn't right because of her recent boyfriend. It looks like you're already there for her which is all you can really do now. Enjoy the time you have together, and when the time is right, she'll let you know.. watch for the subtle hints. Don't rush into it, but pounce on the opportunity should it ever arise.

Good luck, hope things work out for you.

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Gosh you people type fast.. I feel like I'm copying you guys :)

Answer 2

Her mixed emotions are understandable. Its also apparent that she want to trust you. The mere fact that she has had this emotional turmoil recently in itself means that neither you or her should rush into a relationship. What she needs now most of all is a genuine friend. If you truly care...step up and be that person. Release the thoughts of her being "emotional baggage" and consider her as the dear one that is now in your care and you have the chance to show her what real sincerity and caring is all about.

Your position is rare...you are actually starting out being the hero. Eventually she will applaud your sensitivity and see you as a jewel.

Take it real slow. Don't even reach for any romance or sex. Be there for her and let her feel your goodness and strive to put some fun in her life. Do fun things and make laughter your daily goal
If you do a good job here, the two of you will really get to know each other and have a lot of fun in the process. Take your time. When the time is right you both will sense it and you can step up, feel proud and reward yourselves.

If for some reason it does not work out between you two, you still will have developed more in maturity and will be even better equipped in your future endeavors

Answer 3

hi there youre lady friend is lucky to have a friend like you and this is whre youre problem is now starting .......bare with me ,youve been mates for 3 years and been there for every bump and bruise thats she has ever had ,and the has been a distance so she has got you when she need you .....still with me ,hope so ?? now that youre moving state and the distance is close the relationship is starting to change and i think that she is worried that if she starts dating you ,then if you fall out and lets face it we all fall out with our partners atsome point ......she wont have her best friend to call and down load all the problems onto you ,i really believe that she did get hurt in the last relationship ,but she hasnt closed that bit of her life and until she does ,she will always be expecting you to hurt her and thats a really hard type of relationship to be in ,make youre move through and take things easy if that feels right for you ,and since she is all over the place with her feelings then take that really easy ,take time and go out together but as mates and not on dates till you both feel happy to try the next stage ,i would love to say it will work out ,the fact is its up to you both and there is a good chance that you might never have the b/friend -g/griend but you might have something better than that ......a relationship that lasts for ever as great friends and able to sort each others heads out and have a laughtogether ,hope you both have a great future in what ever turns out take care ........i dont know if thats any help ......xx

Answer 4

Give her more time and be there for her as you always have been. It looks like she likes you a lot, enough to dare to think about new relationship even when the last hurt so much, but she needs more time.

If in a while you find out that she isn't capable to love you as woman should love a man than give up and stay her friend if you can. But in this moment she really needs more time.

Answer 5

She is being honest with you.
Right now she needs you as a friend. A shoulder to cry on.
You've been a great friend for a long time....don't give up now.
Later, she will probably develop more love feelings for you because you were there to support her through this very difficult time.
Good luck:)

Answer 6

A man ought to patient, especially wen it comes to us ladies, what she is trying to say is...... show the xcitment, do a bit a pleading... u know what i mean. Instead of worrying, just wait till u get there, things will be ok... trust me

Answer 7

I think tou should ask her to make up her mind for you or the other guy.If she fail to come back to you,then call it quit and pray to get a better person.

Answer 8

feel it out, allow her time to coup with this breakup, you dont want to be a rebound guy anyway. Be her friend and be there for her, and hopefully it will eventually blossom into a romance

Answer 9

go back to her.