My boyfriend has said that he REALLY wants kids, someday, after we get married and all that. Right now, I REALLY don't, and I don't think that's going to change in the next few years. Is our relationship going to work? Should I break it off now to avoid future heartbreak? Or should I stay with him and really pray that I'll magically develop a desire for kids in the next 6 or 7 years? I don't know what to do!!! I really love him, and we've been talking marriage for the last year or so now. I don't want to break it off, but would it be kinder to do it now? I don't know! HELP!!!
2006-08-21 20:09:46 · 9 answers · asked by purrr:) 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
One wants kids...one doesn't. Thats a biggy. Better be upfront about it. Sure there is a CHANCE you will change your mind but there is also a CHANCE you won't. Don't deny him the kids he wants and don't deny yourself a life as just a couple. You guys really need to hash this one over. Maybe you could stay as a dating couple for another year or two and decide then. Things might change. m
2006-08-21 22:30:29 · answer #1 · answered by Mache 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a fiance that really wants kids too. It is not an option for him...he feels obligated in some ways and he makes it clear that it makes or breaks a relationship for him. Since the day we started dating.
I don't know if your boyfriend really feels that way...but it should give you a good direction to go with your relationship if he does feel that way.
You may want kids some day. People change their minds...but if you couldn't manage to have kids with this man despite his desparate wish to have kids...do him a favor and tell him so that you won't break his heart later. Kids are something that men really want sometimes. You are the only one who can give him this if you marry.
If you really love him, you will make the decision with his interests in mind and not yours. If that means breaking up, do it. That is what love is about. Love him and love yourself. Do both. Make a logical decision and go with it.
There is no magical answer. It just may not be the answer that you want.
I could easily not have kids. Really. No big drive for it. But if I am able to (I am 40) I will for my man. I love kids and he needs them to complete his life. I think that decisions are made once the right time is there. Mine is determined solely by my ability to have them now.Yours is if you decide to stay with your man.
2006-08-22 04:01:12 · answer #2 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't love him enough if you can even contemplate breaking up with him just because of this issue.
if you're not ready, then don't marry him until you are ready. since he wants kids after marriage. and he said 'someday', so that doesn't mean today or tomorrow, or the day after that.
and honestly, i think you're being selfish.
he's not forcing you to have kids for godsake, and i think it's a sign that he loves you if he can even talk about kids with you.
rethink it dear. read what you typed with a different person's eyes.
you'll see that it's not a big thing, but it's becoming big because you're trying to back out of the situation instead of facing it head on.
face it. don't avoid it.
2006-08-22 04:05:23 · answer #3 · answered by jell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you might grow out of it thats not something to break it off for you guys are still young and have so much to think about u never know maybe he will grow out of it and you will be the one who wants children lol u never know but my advice is just go with it wait a little while and see what happend if u truly love him.. dont do something you will regret like you may want children down the road and its better to have children with rather then someone you just settle for hope i helped
2006-08-22 03:17:02 · answer #4 · answered by typhaniee0027 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't have a maternal bone in your body you never will. You may get used to the idea of having children but in the end you will feel you did it for him and not for yourself. You should not string him along with the idea you could grow to love children, and you shouldn't make yourself change. Wanting children is something that has to come naturally to you it can't be artificial. Save you both the heartache and pain of that situation.
2006-08-22 12:47:11 · answer #5 · answered by jonesty1284 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't panic. Stay with him.
After all, he said he wanted children "SOMEDAY".
That translates into years, not months. By THEN, you might actually want to build a family.
Even if that never happened, if he loves you enough, he probably would respect your decision.
2006-08-22 03:18:43 · answer #6 · answered by Molly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you discussed the fact that you don't want children? have you told him that? some women don't want to have children, and i find it upsetting that most men expect them to. if you two have talked about it and he can not imagine his life without children, and you can not imagine your life with children, it might be best to break it off.
that is something you have to decide. but discuss it first. you may decide you want a child in the future...or you may not.
2006-08-22 03:16:48 · answer #7 · answered by intelligentbooklady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should read the book "Baby Proof" by Emily Giffin!! Read it! IF you love him, he's worth the risk......
2006-08-22 04:09:52 · answer #8 · answered by Lesley C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2006-08-22 03:18:19 · answer #9 · answered by middleshoes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋