I dont know if I am a sick person. I dont know how to call me. Since I was a kid I really like to give things to my friends. Until now, Im still doing it. Even though I dont have enough money for myself. But when i saw something nice I buy it and give it to my friend. I spent my money by giving and giving things. My mom told me that its not good because they never give back anything for me. But I dont mind as long as I can give. Is I am a sick person? Is theres anything I can do to stop this kind of attitude? Please help me and thank you for your answers.
2006-08-21 20:06:28 · 15 answers · asked by MAGNIFICENT 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I am not buying a friendship.I am not trying to be nice infront of them. They can lean on me when they are in sadness .I care and listen and keep there secrets too. But what I am now is I dont know why.That is only my question.
2006-08-21 21:11:49 · update #1
Hello every one thank you so much for your answers but I need to choose the best answer. It is hard for me to choose which is the best. So I asked my mom to choose and some of my friends too.
2006-08-28 01:32:37 · update #2
Your not sick, your just a giving person. You need to find something inside yourself to let this go, honestly there is nothing wrong with it, but you have take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else especially if you dont have enough money to take care of yourself.
In saying let it go, I mean learn to limit it, because im sure people take advantage of it. I bet all your friends love to go shopping with you and for some crazy reason every time you go shopping someone says how much they would love to have some thing but they dont have the money to do it, knowing you will go out of your way to pay for it..
Think about this, if you didnt have enough money to pay your light bill, do you honestly think that the people you give to all the time will be there to give you the extra help you need like you would if it were them in that sitatuon?
2006-08-21 20:18:04 · answer #1 · answered by Jessie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you dont have enough money to buy things for yourself and yet your buying other people things? Thats crazy! Your being to cheap with yourself. Why is it that you can't buy anything for yourself becouse, you cliam "you don't have the money for it" but, when it comes to buying something for someone else you suddenly have the money for it. Your moms right, you need to stop that. Instead of giving giving giving, the money you use to buy these people gifts you should put it in a bank acount and save it. Stop wasting money youve earned on other people becouse, I'm sure they are not doing it for you from what you have stated. I hope I was any help to you today. Take care and good luch with that issue. God Bless!
2006-08-27 09:49:18 · answer #2 · answered by u lovee it ♥ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps if you take a close look at your reasoning for doing this. Sort of indicates you were not satisfied you were getting your parents approval. You even found you were giving something to them (good behavior, flowers, etc.) just to get their approval. It has been imbedded into your subconscious mind so deeply that it triggers this need and you don't even understand why you do it.
This is not a sickness, it is something you can delete from your mind's store house. Most people have this same problem and that is why I get involved the way I do. Just trying to reveal how this can be done.
2006-08-21 20:21:04 · answer #3 · answered by mrcricket1932 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People who give luxuries when they can't afford it are often seeking approval. You don't need to give material things to your friends in order to be liked. If you do, they're not your friends.
In fact, the more you give things to people, the more you'll wonder whether they like you just for the things instead of for yourself. Listen to your mom, but not just because they don't give anything back. Maybe they are self-confident, or maybe, like you, they can't afford it.
And is it really true that they don't give you anything--or that they just don't give you "things"? Why do you want to be around them? Do you enjoy their personalities, doing things with them, just talking and hanging out?
Try an experiment. Go a month without giving any material things to anybody, other than paying any of your own expenses or bills, of course, but still hang around with your friends, and just be yourself. See if you feel better about yourself when you see that they like to just be around you.
If they don't, don't feel bad. Instead, then you'll know that you'd be better off spending your money and time developing your own life and personality (think about the things you like to do and develop skills or hobbies in those areas, maybe take a class and meet people with similar interests), and getting to know people who appreciate you. If you develop your personality, you may not feel a need to buy people's approval, because you'll be confident in your own value.
And spend an evening watching movies with your mom and just appreciating how lucky you are to have such a wise mother ;).
2006-08-21 20:29:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm kind o amazed that there are generous people out there. u are not sick or anything, just, well generous.
u'll have to understand that all people are not 'reciprocators', ie. they dont want to repeat what you do for them (well if u do something bad, the return will be worse)
Try to remind yourself that all that you give-away is gone. there is no one and i repeat no-one else who will give things to you for you giving things to them in this world.
Beleive me you need to change a lot, not for others but for your sake.
Firstly, dont buy anything for anyone. when-ver you want to do so, pinch yourself hard and forget about buying for them.
Talk abt this with your parents, they will surely understand (what are they here for?)
It is adviseable to go to a counellor with your parents.
From the sound of it, you wont have any true friends as they all are after your generosity. to test for their true frndship, stop all giving, wait and watch. all non deserters will be and are your true frnds.
Finally, this is all in your and only your mind and you need to change this pattern of thinking.
2006-08-21 20:24:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You are sick. You are trying to buy affection from others instead of building a healthy sense of self esteem. You can help others without giving them material things.
What about a shoulder to cry on? Or someone to laugh with? Confide secrets to?
Start working on actions you can take instead of things you can buy. REAL friends will like the change. And they're the only ones worth your time.
You can't give any gifts when you're broke and/or homeless.
2006-08-21 20:12:29 · answer #6 · answered by Earth Queen 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My mothers friend does this. It gives her joy to give. Doesn't matter if she gets anything in return.
In this day & age, with prices the way they are, I would curb your spending. Limit it to special occasions.
Instead BUY now & GIVE later. Set up a CLOSET of GIFTS you can turn to when you need them.
That is what I do all year long. I have a special closet. WELL several closets. LOL of things I can give to people when I need something. Mainly for Birthdays & Christmas.
2006-08-21 20:12:41 · answer #7 · answered by jennifersuem 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a shame, that you are so rare, and generous..that you are wondering if you are sick...You have a wonderful attitude on life..there are a few people like that in the world...and it makes it a better place to live in..it is always better to give than to recieve, but people have long forgotten about that attitude...You are giving from the heart, and you don't expect anything in return...This is the attitude God wants us to have...don't let anyone change your genorous ways...
2006-08-27 20:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you tried just giving yourself? a kind word or supporting a friend in need means more than all the gifts you buy them. as someone said you need to calm the spending down or you you will find yourself in a bad finiacial situation. it is not selfish to look after your needs first. i don't know if you are into craftwork or not
but i know that some of the most meaningful gifts i've gotten in life have been handmade because they come from the heart!!!
2006-08-26 22:20:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I usually do the same thing...u should see me at christmas...i could spend hundreds on everyone if i had it and not get one present in return and be happy...i know how tight money is cause i've been laid off and my hubby just started a new job...i've been trying to do crafts for people which can be alot cheaper than buying stuff...i usually do glass etching, crocheting, cross-stitch, circle knitting
2006-08-21 21:12:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋