I'm in a difficult relationship for my man is a married man. We've been going out for 3 years now. His misses (and all his family) knows about it, but it's kind of accepted as he is a muslim. He is saying that he wants to marry me some time and I did think at some point, yeah, why not? (being a muslim, he can have 2 of them, lucky one!!)
but I know he will never give me kids because I'm not a muslim and don't intend to become one, so I realise this is not going anywhere (although would love to give him babies, loads of them!!!) I have tried to leave him sooo many times, but after a week or 2 he calls me back, we meet for coffee (just to see how he's doing..) and because I love him so much, well we start all over again. I've been thinking of leaving London, but love it here so why should I?
Please help!!!
2006-08-21 19:46:00 · 14 answers · asked by Caramel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Think about what you are doing.
You know there is no future in this relationship- so why in the world do you continue it? If this man loved you, he would put you first. The reason he continues to see you is because you offer him sex and he is willing to accept.
Try depriving him of sex and then see if he continues to keep up the persuit. I guarantee you that within a couple of months of this regime he will be saying things like "I think we should just be friends". If he does this you will probably be tempted to sleep with him again because if this is his reaction his "love" is attained by giving him sex. I think you need to realise the basic truth that men who seek something outside marriage are generally seeking sex, there is a difference between love and sex. You are using sex to get love, which is never a good idea- because it isn't honest...and what you get in return when you do this is hardly ever what you are seeking.
Secondly I have yet to meet the man who could successfully keep two woman happy for any length of time. Most men struggle keeping one happy. It's a recipie for disaster and heartache and you will suffer more than anybody because you will never come first in his eyes, sorry to be blunt.
Are you not worthy of better?
S
x
2006-08-21 20:22:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have answered your own question by say 'this is going nowhere'. I know this sounds brutal but this man is just using you as his bit on the side and you have absolutely no future with him whatsoever. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you stay with him and give up any hope of marrying and having children. Finish with him and next time he calls you and arranges to meet you MUST say 'no'. If you don't meet him then the whole cycle can't start again. Fill your life with other things, make friends, go out - anything to get your mind away from thoughts of him. Not easy I know, but please, for your own sake, do it. Good luck and I so hope you find the happiness you deserve.
2006-08-22 04:12:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know excatly what you're going through. Deep down you know its not going anywhere, but somewhere deep inside theres a thing called hope. You have to put it in your head once and for all thats its not going to work out, and when he calls no matter how tempting it is to pick up the phone DON'T. If you dont end it now, who knows how long this will drag you will only make yourself unhappy because you will always know you wont be the only person inhis life. Find someone who has time for you and only you DO NOT SETTLE because your worth more than that. It will be hard in the beginning as it always is, but time heals and soon you'll find someboby that cares for you as much as you care for him.
2006-08-22 06:50:43 · answer #3 · answered by Emiliana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi there miss confused........please listen to me carefully. The heart is like a sofa...only one gurl can be seated in each guys heart per time. The other one ends up as just a pleasure thing.
And I am shocked that ur willing to change ur religion for someone like that ****........who wants 2 wives!! why dosent he change for you if he loves you so much? you will regret the life after marriage if u dont leave him now! Plus he's a muslim...does he really love you, does his wife know what ur doing? did u think how devastated she would be? ur thinking of the short term.....please be careful....
Please leave him.its not worth it...........u'll find someone better....
2006-08-22 02:54:54 · answer #4 · answered by Lambada 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a difficult position to be in.... and love isnt something you can shut off either.
With determination... I suggest you call it a day with him. It seems a complication you do not need with him like having two wifes, etc. You would be sharing him.....
I personally wouldnt like to be in a position like this.... but thats my opnion. In time, you can get over him... but patience is something that you strongly need and leaving London wont make much difference.
All th best!!!!
2006-08-22 06:31:30 · answer #5 · answered by The Avenger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best recourse would be to look for some other friend. Since you love him, it is but natural that "Love for Love" Love vs Love". Be determined to first find one and then take off.
You should understand that the amount of love you have for him is much more than his love for you. (Obviously he has another love with him - the wife, the kids). Certainly you are harming: Him, his wife, the kids and yourself. Be plain and simple, look for some other guy who would love you and would try to erase the memories of your love for this guy. Think emotionally from all the angles: Your own angle, your future angle, his angle, his wife's angle, etc. Good luck
2006-08-22 02:59:28 · answer #6 · answered by Freddie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your self esteem is low, otherwise you wouldn't even contemplate having a relationship like this. Until you love yourself more, you won't go on to better things. It takes strength be be alone. Let him see you are independant and can lead your own life. There's nothing more unattractive than a clingy person.
2006-08-22 03:37:28 · answer #7 · answered by Say It Like You Mean It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why share this man ?, it does not sound good for you and imagine what damage its doing to his wife and kids ??, He's getting the best of both worlds whilst you and his wife suffer !!.
Do yourself a favour and end it, find a nice single guy and have him all to yourself, if you long for true love and children of your own.
2006-08-22 05:02:26 · answer #8 · answered by Richard 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not the right one for you. He has got his cake and eaten it. Is it possible to move to another part of London? If you do leave him change your number and avoid the places he goes. Out of sight out of mind always works for a while.
2006-08-22 03:29:29 · answer #9 · answered by kitpoodle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Discipline
2006-08-22 02:55:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋