Do you forget and forgive or hold a grudge?

Question

I was watching a show called Living the Life and they were talking about surrendering to God and forgiving and moving on and stop carrying the extra baggage to have a better life...and it hit me I have been carrying all this baggage for many years and its weighing me down and bringing in negativty in my life and keeping me from being successful...what do you think?

Answer 1

My dear, you have stumbled upon a great truth - that we are only in chains because we choose to be. The real question, then, is what you are going to do with this newfound knowledge. I pray that you have the fortitude to cast off your cares and live for Christ.

Answer 2

Yes, I do always forgive, but I never forget, because if I forget, I haven't learned anything. And I have forgiven a lot of stuff, but now I know that if the situation arises again, I know to get out of it quickly. When you hold a grudge, it does nothing for you, but it can and will do something TO you. Also, holding a grudge doesn't hurt the person that you hold the grudge against, instead, if devours you and you die quicker than the person you dislike. All of that baggage that you have been carrying and weighing you down, you need to get rid of and start being successful.

Answer 3

Grudge-holding can be very, very expensive: can you really afford to tie up the mental space with the resentment? There is a difference between holding a "grudge" (relatively minor stuff), and having a valid grievance that still needs resolution.
(For example, if someone I loved was a victim of a violent criminal: ohman, I'd be at parole hearings for years, to make sure they weren't turned out on the public.....until I was darned sure that the criminal had indeed repented and made adequate restitution. That's not grudge-holding, that's seeing justice done.)

I try to forgive as much as possible, because of the baggage issue. Forgetting, though?---some ugliness can't be forgotten, unfortunately, which means that some people need to be watched cautiously, before they will be trusted.

Answer 4

Negative mindsets are like sand bags that hold a hot air balloon to the ground. The good news is that ALL negativity can be erased from your mindset, so that nothing hinders you from a life of love, peace, and freedom.

These things are the natural result of living right (without negativity). They're what's left when the negativity is gone, which means that they're what's really real. Negativity is temporary for those who understand it.

Grudges hurt those who hold them more than those they are held against.

Holding a grudge is like holding on to the ground. To be free, you have to let go of the grudge. This means talking (perferably in person) to whomever you carry the grudge against. Tell them what happened and what you did wrong, and apologize.

If they hurt you, put yourself in their shoes. They hurt because they were hurt. They acted that way because they didn't know any better! Forgive them in your mind, then tell them face to face that you forgive them.

Let tears come if they do, and reconcile with that person if they're willing. You don't have to recreate a relationship with them. The burden will be gone, even if the other person rejects your forgiveness. You did your part. They can carry their negativity if they want.

Fear is what keeps us from living right--with forgiveness and love, and without holding grudges. But love conquers fear, if you let it.

You don't need to "surrender to God" or to anyone else to forgive and move on. Surrender your false ideas for right ones and your life will improve.

Answer 5

If the person who harmed you, or placed you at a disadvantage, leaves you nurturing a grudge, then in effect they have won twice, especially if they were the ones to walk away smirking at the misfortune they left you in. Nursing a grudge thus becomes like a lead weight around your neck, holding you down, stopping you from achieving anything further that is meaningful to you. You could even end up being left behind by your assailant, who will already be happily moving on from his misdeed as a matter of course.

It is best to let go of a grudge, not to "surrender to God" or any of that nonsense, but simply and practically to set aside grievances for the moment, consolidate your losses and assess where you go from there, rather than plan dangerous or elaborate acts of vengeance which would only bring about further harm to yourself.

Remember, though, that when an injustice has been committed, in due course the events set in motion by the person who did you harm will eventually return to bite that person in the behind. Never underestimate the inexorability of poetic justice.

It doesn't seem rational, in this unjust and unfair world where warmongers and butchers and the corrupt seem to skate from the most legally binding ironclad prosecutions, to believe that justice serves itself through the perpetrators' own actions.

But remember that only the stupid commit crime; and that stupidity is what drives all their actions, right up to the point where they make that fatal slip which brings them down, hoist by their own petard.

Answer 6

I'll give you a piece of my life and it's true - I was molested by my uncle - I held it a secret for 13 years - when it came out it came out angry and aggressive - but I did forgive him, that's been 15 years ago I forgave him. I don't let it dictate how I am touched by my husband so in one way I have forgotten - but because I have a child, I do not allow my child to be alone in his presence, so in one way I haven't forgotten either. I think we can carry baggage that is damaging us and keeps us from growing in our lives, but sometimes we have to keep the name tag from the luggage because it protects others. We draw names at Christmas and when I draw my uncles name, I don't do any more or less than I would for any other family member. I love him because he's my family, but I don't like him much because of his ways and I don't volunteer to be a part of his life. I'm an adult and I can choose the level of activity I want to be involved with him at. I don't consider that holding a grudge. He knows that if he had to be in the hospital tomorrow, I'd be the first one to make sure his mail was checked, animals fed, etc. I might not ever make it up to visit him and he knows that too. But we've come to an understanding of how he affected my life and he knows he crossed boundaries that weren't his to cross. He also knows now that I've established boundaries and I choose who crosses them and who doesn't. That's something we all should do. As a Christian woman I feel I have forgiven, forgot, left the baggage behind and am free to provide whatever needs I'm capable to as he is in his aging years, they just don't include being his home health care provider; and to date, God hasn't asked me too.

Answer 7

It all depends on how you were brought up as a child. I can hold grudges with the best of them, and I can also forgive and forget the whole thing too. Religion doesn't have anything on it. Its more on how you feel when slighted, not whether a God is responsible for what happens to you.

Answer 8

I think you need to consider what it is that is holding you down and try to come to terms with it, because the only person who is losing from you holding onto it is you. Obviously it depends whether it is events that have come and gone or something that is still physically with you. Whatever the outcome you need to move on. The word forgive can be very misused and mistaken for a chance to be patronising or even to brush the issue to one side for the sake of looking the bigger person. However on a less cynical note forgiveness can all be part of the healing process, part of coming to terms with a situation and moving on. In that particular context true forgiveness can be very powerful and important. Good luck!

Answer 9

I think you found your own answer. I try to forgive, but it takes a lot of me praying for them before I start to forget. If I carried a grudge the only person who would really know about it would be me. If you can be a bigger person then them, maybe you can tell them about Jesus and all the Lord has done for us and how he forgives us every day for our mistakes. I don't care how good of a Christian you are, you make at least one mistake a day, probably lots more. fall on your knees and ask for forgiveness of your sins anything you may have done to offend God and then ask for help in forgiving your neighbor. SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN! Works for me!

Answer 10

First of all, I'm very glad that you realized that holding grudges and resentments is very much like having "baggage" that you cart around! I saw a sermon once where this pastor was carrying around a huge trashbag while he talked. And the message was about just what you said, carrying around old resentments, even nurturing and tending them, instead of letting them go.

People do not understand the cost of keeping old resentments. Acid only harms the vessel that is holding it. If you give up resentment, you gain peace. One has to humble oneself, and that part is not easy. But living a life of freedom and peace is worth it.

Answer 11

It's hard sometimes, but I try to forgive and forget. There's no reason to hold onto something that you cannot change. It will wear on you forever and bring along so much negativity like you said. There have been times when I held on to something and dwelled on it for a long time. Now I realize that there is nothing bad that is worth hanging on to. Let it go. Make peace with yourself and you will feel FREE!!