I'm 22 years old. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 and a half years (long time, I know). I've been living with him for 5 of the years. We buckled down and bought a condo last summer and just moved in 4 months ago. Ever since then I've been worried though..
If he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I couldn't say yes. I don't know if it's because I'm not ready to be married, or if it's because I dont want to marry him.
Here's the thing... he treats me really good. We share lots of common interests and values. Family loves him. And most importanly I love him. But is it possible to share all that, and he still not be the one for me? Why can't I shake this feeling?
I'm curious about what its like to be with someone else. This is the only man I've been with in my life. And sometimes I wish I had a chance to just be on my own. Gain some independance. But then I get scared of losing him.
I've been dealing with this for months, and I'm totally stuck. Anyone have any advice?
2006-08-21 18:08:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think you've answered this question yourself -- "I'm curious about what its like to be with someone else." -- yeah you love him sweetie, but you're not in love with him....for goodness sakes, you're only 22!! -- you have a lot of life a head of you...as well as self discovery -- if he is trully "the one", you'll find out in time -- but, please do yourself a favor and do not force something that is not natural.....you'll be hurting him and yourself in the long run.llllll
2006-08-25 07:25:20 · answer #1 · answered by slosco 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because, as you say, he is the only man you have ever been with, and you are still (even after six and a half years) very young, it is natural that you should be curious about other men and other relationships.
The truth is what I really think you should do is to go backpacking around Asia for a year, be young, have a few flings, blow off some steam, and then come back, sure of what you want. In fact, you probably should have done it years ago. He may not like it. In fact, I'm sure he won't, but I honestly believe something like that would be extremely good for you.
2006-08-22 01:20:28 · answer #2 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can really answer this question. Some people find the right one and stay with them forever with no regrets. Since you've never been on your own, its probably natural to feel a little buyers' remorse as well as curiosity.
Talk with him. Let him know that you love him but want some space. If you decide to move out, make sure you are set financially and careerwise before moving out.
Be warned that most men would be afraid that you're trying to break things off. Try to think through how he'll react before talking to him. If being independent is that important to you, then you'll just have to risk losing him. If he loves you, he'll wait. You've gone this long without marrying, a little extra time won't hurt.
2006-08-22 01:30:11 · answer #3 · answered by Lhordaxes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to be in your shoes. I think you really do love this guy. You just haven't had enough relationship experience to satisfy your fantasy. You're curious about other men. Normal for you. But let me do the honor of telling you that I was curious once- and so I took the bait. I left my 5 year relationship- hoping the grass would be greener on the other side. Guess what- it's really not. All the good ones are taken. Be happy with what you have. As for myself. Yes, I've found someone else. and does he compare with my ex? Not even close. The one I have now-is turning me into this depressed person that I never thought would happen. If I had a chance to turn back time. I wish I wouldn't of left.
2006-08-22 01:20:10 · answer #4 · answered by roxylee11782 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not going to know any other guy as well as you know 'him' for at least another six years. Chances are no one better is going to come floating on by. Once you get on the boat and it sets sail there is no going back, you are stuck. Sooner or later though you will want a peice of security. You won't want to go out hunting for mister right. I don't know what exactly is going to cure your marriage jitters, however, there is nothing wrong with being a family person all your life. You still have to wait and see when he will propose. When and if he does, this could possibly turn things around for you, once you see that he is ready for such a comitment.
2006-08-22 01:27:28 · answer #5 · answered by hondapride67 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are young. I too got married at a young age after dating him for 6 years. Thought he was "the one". He later figured out for the both of us that we weren't ready for marriage. We had to get our "Wild sides" out first. He took the first step in this and it devastated me. Two years later I married again-vunerable and still young. That too, did not last long. I am now older and wiser and yes- married for the third times a charm time. This also makes my husband's third time as well. I would not take anything for him. We love each other completely. But it does take a while. Live your life first. If he loves you, he will be there for you when you are ready. If not, it was never meant to be, and there will be someone else better for you out there. You may not can picture life without him after being together for so long, but believe me, live first and get yourself where YOU want to be in life-then and only then will you be mature enough to be married. The right one will be there when the time is right.
2006-08-22 01:21:18 · answer #6 · answered by donadaire 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're too young to be in a serious relationship, of course you want to know what it is like to be with other people. Maybe he should move out and you should be on your own for a while. If you are really meant to be together, nothing can keep you apart. Before you make your decision, think about how you would feel if he felt the same way you do?
2006-08-22 01:15:11 · answer #7 · answered by bittersweet_symphon_y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look honey, if you have that much time and love committed to someone, than i say its definatly worth saying to a friend in thirty years from now, ive only been with one person. also i would quit wondering if he's the one. just go on being happy with the only guy you've ever been with...and stop wondering what its like to be with someone else....remember the saying curiousity killed the cat...ok then you know you are clean with no diseases and that all alone means something now adays... good luck
2006-08-22 01:26:25 · answer #8 · answered by kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you are definitely not ready to settle down and you want some adventure in your life. Yes, six years is a long time to be with someone and you are aching for a change. You need to discuss this with him. If your boyfriend is as caring as you have described him to be, then he should be understanding. Good luck.
2006-08-22 01:15:35 · answer #9 · answered by Miss J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, welcome to reality. You need to make a choice and act on it. You can't have it both ways. Women are never satisfied, and never know or care when they have it nice. If what you say about the guy is true, leave him as soon as possible, so he can find someone who will appreciate him. He deserves someone better than you, since you are so unsure of what you want.
2006-08-22 01:19:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋