how can I talk to my 21 yr old daughter?

Question

my daughter and I have been very close all her life , she is acctually my best friend, but for the last year, when I call her she answers the phone instantly by trying to get rid of me, yells at my constantly and hangs up on me if i try to talk to her about anything... sometimes all i get out of my mouth is ... how are you today and thats about all I get to say... this makes me feel very bad, especilly since I have no one else ..
she still lives at home with me and I pay most of her bills since she is going to college...

Answer 1

maybe she is going through some personal stuff that she feels she can't talk to you about. Try and sit down with her and let her know that you are there for when she needs to talk. Don't press it though b/c that will just push her away.

Answer 2

You should try sitting her down and asking her what's going on. Maybe she's going through something; maybe she's starting to feel the burden (though I'm not sure if that's the correct word) or being both your daughter and your friend. That can be pretty hard, too, even though it may not seem like it.

With that said, there's no way she should be yelling at you and treating you this way at all, especially since she's an adult, you're paying for education and she's still living under your roof...as you take care of her bills and such... she should be greatful and you deserve to know what's going on.

Meanwhile, you should definitely start mingling and finding others to befriend. You deserve to have some friends on your own so that your daughter isn't the only 'friend' you have.

Answer 3

I went through a phase like that when I was in college too. I can't really explain it. It's a combination of dealing with the overwhelming workload and the stress of the end of college approaching and the uncertainty of the future...plus living at home during college is a little annoying. My mom and I were at each other's throats whenever I was home. She also nagged me a lot too. Maybe if it's clear that your daughter is having a bad day, just back off a little with the questions.
Once I graduated college and things settled down a little more, I became a lot closer with my mother. I felt really bad about all of the times I was rude to her. She'll realize it too.

Answer 4

She seems a bit old for going through a rebellious phase, but it sounds like it. Please don't tell her that she is all you have......wow talk about pressure. Don't say things to her like that....she isn't your psychologist. She needs to feel seperate from you. If she feels pressure to measure up to what you want, she might push you so far away that you will never see her again.

It is hard to find the right balance of being friend and being parent. We are #1 parents......it isn't our job to be their friends. It is our job to help them become good adults so that they can start the next generation. She might pull away for awhile......but if you are open she will come back. Love her unconditionally, but don't let her push you around.

She might be 21 but she is still under your roof. It will be your rules your house your attitude. When she gets her own place she can make her own rules.
My daughter went through a tough time and now we are back to being best friends.
Sometimes a personality change means drugs or drinking. Check that out.
I learned with my kids to write things down and have consequences for bad behaivor and stick to it.

If she is drinking and druging.....she will have to move out.

You might need to back down a bit. If she yells at you when you call her.....stop calling her - if she doesn't check in like she should. take away the phone for a month.

I know it is difficult. Hang in there

Answer 5

Arrange to have a special day with her. Take her to lunch and just talk with her like an adult. Do not pry. She seems to be keeping something from you. Let her know that you love her no matter what and that you enjoyed the kind of relationship you had with her before and you want it back ...let her know your true feelings and that you care for her. She may open up....even a little and if she doesnt just keep on loving her but do not be overbearing as you may push her further away.

Answer 6

I know how much it will hurt but stop calling her for a bit. Wait for her to come to you. When she is calm just tell her you miss her and you miss the relationship that you both had at one time. She my feel that you are checking in on her all the time. Also it just might be the stress from school. Be patient. She will come around. Daughters need their moms . Wait for her. But most of all don't give up on her.

Answer 7

A sudden change in attitude could mean a possibility of drugs being used. But she could also just not be interested in talking to you, i was like that too when i was 21. Now I'm almost 26 and i have started to talk to my mom again for the past year or so. It could just be a faze for her.

Answer 8

Maybe you should know when to talk to her and when not to. If she's got friends over or whatever, you could embarass her somehow by like telling her friends something weird about her or whatever.

What you could try to do is just to like set some time when she's just finished studying or finished with homework is to like talk to her, starting off with like a "How is school?" and try to keep the conversation going on from there.

Just make sure that she's not doing anything important while you try to talk to her.

Answer 9

wow i really wish i could give you some advice but i dont know why shes doing what shes doing so i cant really help for what uve said all i can say is pray about it and take comfort in God.
either way u asked...
i just answered
God Bless
LusTlesS