Does getting over a death of someone close get easier????

Question

Within the past year I had two of my brothers pass away. My youngest brohter was hadicaped from birth he wasn't supposed to live passed five but he lived until he was 18. My older brother passed away 7 months later do to alcohol, when he passed out he sufficated to death. He was only 18 months older that me, I took the death really hard and still do to this day. When i have a bad day I act like an @$$ to everyone. I know my girlfriend loves me but when i am having a bad day and act like that i am affraid that she might leave me. Is there anyone who can relate and help so i don't loose her. Does this feeling get any easier to deal with??? If so when and how do you deal with it???? Is it bad for my health if I don't talk to anyone about it???

Answer 1

talking about it helps you move on quicker and get the emotions out there instead of bottled up. It takes time to get over a close ones passing but it takes time... while you never forget them the pain will reduce over time... it's important to experience your grief and pain fully instead of keeping it in so that you can heal and move on. Best of wishes.

Answer 2

My condolences too you. That's a really tough load you've been handed. Brothers are especially close. You grew up together. You shared your whole lives together. Breaking that bond is terribly difficult. Never mind having to do it twice.
Time can help. It won't heal the wound completely, but it will become easier to live with. But that can take quite a while.
Your girl friend likely understands that you are having problems working through this, although she might not understand just how upsetting all this is, if she has never personally suffered a loss.
Your best bet might be to talk with someone -- a professional -- who could help you work through it. You could see a pastor, a psychiatrist (no, you aren't crazy, you are suffering normal grief, but you got a double dose) or a social services worker or family counselor.
It's encouraging that you can recognize what is happening, and that you are concerned with the possibility that your very understandable grief over these two tragic deaths could have a serious effect on a relationship you want to succeed. You're already on the road to recovery, whether you realize it or not. But one year isn't enough to get over the loss of two close family members, and right now, you sound as though you need a helping hand.
Hope you can find a good professional to give you some advice and help you work through this.
Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I lost my little brother more than 3 years ago. There isn't a day that he don't cross my mind. I still question myself if there was something that i could have done to prevent it. Theres alot of "What If's" I spend a lot of nights wishing that these past 3 years were all a dream.. because since his death nothing has seemed right. There for a while I distanced myself from the people i care about because i didn't think i could survive losing someone again. As time went on I got more depressed because i dwelled and I basically let that horrible night eat away at my soul. I felt so alone in this world. I felt like I couldnt talk to anybody because i thought that they wouldnt understand. I thought that this was something that I would have to handle on my own. Then i finally took all that i could take and I broke down. A friend and I spent hours talking about my little brother.. and it really did help. It was the first step i took to get out of my depresion. I still miss my brother and the pain hasn't got any easier but i have learned to deal with it better. I take it a day at a time.. thats all you can really do... so my advice to you is that if you don't talk about it to someone then your pain, will build and build and will eat at your soul; bottled up feeling will drive you crazy, and will cause you to push the ones you love away from you and make you bitter... If i sound pushy i really dont mean to.. im just tryin to help.. my prayers are with you.

Answer 4

Sweet-boy, you are in a lot of pain and need to get it out, the death of one is bad enough and hard to handle, two in one year is unbearable. The lashing out is understandable, you need help channeling the pain and anger that is inside your heart and soul. Talk to some one, anyone about how badly you feel and why it hurts so much, the more you can talk about it, write about it and express it in a constructive outlet the better your hear and soul will start to feel. Remember the good things that you had with those two wonderful brothers and cherish the good memories. DO something charitable and in the service of another person in crisis and again the pain will leave your body. You can make this a positive or a negative occurrence in your life, honor the dead and live a tribute for the love and time you had with them! Good luck and God bless you now and always! Vicki

Answer 5

Yes..It does get easier with time. The fact that you realize how you're acting when you're having a bad day is a step in the right direction. There's nothing wrong to talking to someone about it. There are plenty of counselors that specialize in grief situations. Don't be afraid to open up to your girlfriend too.
Although I can't relate directly to your situation, my best friend (who was like a sister to me) was killed and I never thought I'd get past it. It just hurt sooo bad and didn't make any sense to me. Not a day goes by where I don't think about her, but the pain eventually goes away and you start to become thankful for all of the good times you spent together while they were still alive. Hang in there. I promise it gets easier. Just don't take your girlfriend for granted! Let her know how much you appreciate her.

Answer 6

Short answer- yes, it gets easier...... but it's complicated. I did the same thing when my mom died. I was very angry and hurt and I was so unpleasant, mostly to the people I cared the most about and the ones who were the most supportive. My mom died almost 7 years ago and though I still miss her plenty, I have gotten my head clear and I can honestly say I am ok. I ended up getting on Zoloft for a year or so and eventually I just felt better. Understand that there is life after loss and the sooner you can find the person you are without the people you lost, the better off you will be. It's a long road but know that it gets better

Answer 7

Hi,
I know how difficult this must be for you. Let me tell you mine. I lost my 24 year old sister two years ago due to a car accident and my father last year due to a heart attack (he was only 51 yrs. old). It is very difficult dealing with loss, especially when you are very close to your family. You start hating the world and the stupdity that comes out of people's mouths. Th world seems to be so pointless, and the things that you saw important are now just so superficial. It's like you're passing through the world in slow motion as everyone is hurrying by and you are able to see EVERYTHING. I have a boyfriend and he has been with me through all of this. He has never been through traumatic events like this and I notice that certain things he worries about and the things he care for are not important. That puts a gap between us and it makes me want to retaliate. However, I have come to realize that everyone is shaped by their own experiences and that it is not his fault that he thinks and reacts to things a certain way. You have to realize and understand that she can not fit into your shoes. She can empathize but not sympathize. And although sometimes you'll feel like you don't know the person next to you, it is not because she is not the person you fell in love with, it is because she just doesn't come from the same place you do. I personally take a deep breath and remind myself that it is not his fault for being a certain way and I should just accept it. Today, (although this took a lot of time and strength) I look at the whole world that way. It prevents me from going insane with the stupidity around me and at the same time helps me smile. I have realized that although there has been a lot of tragedy in my life, I am a better person for it. I see the world deeply and I ignore the shallow things that make people superficial and lack character. You are lucky, never forget that.

Answer 8

i as well had a few deaths in the family this year. First tiime ever before this year i had never had anyone die on me. I am 25. It hurts a lot. The last death has been only 6 months and i am not over it yet. It will take a long time. As for your girlfriend if you talk to her. and let her know whats going on. she should accept it. Id she really love you then she will be understanding and help u get threw this. My husband helps me everyday. One day at a time. U are not alone. U can send me a message anytime. I will listen to you. If need be.

Answer 9

Oh man, so sorry for the horrible year you have had. I think that yes, things do get better as time goes on. YOu won't ever get over it, but you will probably have more and more "better days" and eventually will do ok. You have to get counselling to help you find more productive ways to deal with yor sad feelings rather than to take them out on your friends and loved ones. That will be the key to making this whole thing work out for you in the end. Don't use this experience as a chance to just forget you have responsibilities to be a good person in this life. Don't use the tragedies you have experienced be an excuse for you to be a less than productive and healthy person in this world. That isn't fair to you or to your loved ones.

Instead, honour the memory of your brothers by overcoming these troubling times in an honourable and respectful way, and be prepared to have bad days. But they will get better.

Blessings to you.

Answer 10

Sweety you need to talk about it and why not your girlfriend, we all need to vent and you have every right to be upset and maybe even angry you have had alot happening with your family, why not seek counseling i did and it sure helped me. but do give your girl a chance theres nothing like a feeling when your being shut out, and although your depressed with good reason doesn't mean you should take it out on her she can be very helpful to you. I wish you well and your remaining family members, i know what your feeling. you will feel a little better everyday as long as you don't dwell on this family tragidy. Say a pray and thank god for the extra time you had with the brother that was expected to survive as long as he did and as for the other one brother just be greatful for the time you did have. Keep them in your heart and with god's help and the love of your family and the beautiful memorys you have they will always be around you, thats what i do my mom has passed a year ago and i had a baby niece who had passed years ago you will never forget them, may you find peace within yourself. take care and god bless.

Answer 11

First of all, I want to tell you that I am sorry for your losses of your loved ones. Losing someone dear to you is hard, I lost a half-brother in 1987 to Hutchinsons' disease and I lost my second daughter after just 2 days of her life in 1998. It is common to feel angry and hurt like you are right now and if no one has ever dealt with death of loved ones then they will not know how you feel With grief, you have to take it one day at a time,the grief does get easier with each passing day. There will be some days that you will think about them or hear their favorite song on the radio and it will make you cry,that's normal,don't keep your grief inside because that can be unhealthy. Crying is better than keeping it inside where all those emotions can just build up,crying helps you to release.Don't worry about your girlfriend,if she has been with you all this time through your good days and your bad days, I see no reason why she would leave you now. But what you do owe her is an explanation as to why you are taking it out on her when you are having a bad day. When you are having a bad day,tell her you are having bad day and tell her why. If you just feel like being by yourself for a few hours just to regroup,tell her and let her know it is nothing personal and that you appreciate her love. No one can tell you how to grieve but as with all difficult things,it takes one day at a time. You can also join grief counseling groups where you can interact with others who can relate to your pain. Sometimes, just talking with others who are going through the sam e thing as you gives you that emotional release that you need. You didn't mention anything about your parents but remember that you can talk to them too because they suffered a loss too. Unfortunately,when someone passes,well-wishers automatically support the parents but somehow forget the siblings. I wish you the best in your time of need and trust me, it will get better.