We were together for 9 months I recently left him three weks ago. I love him to death and never imagaine my life without him. I had known him for two years before I dated him. He knew everything about me. When we got together he was perfect made me so happy. Four months after we were together we started having problems becaus he started hitting me. Well needless to say it kept gettin worse. So I left with just the clothes on my back. Came home to my moms. Today I got a letter saying how sorry he was and that he misses me so much that he wants me to come home. And that if I don't he knows that is all his fault that he never meant to hurt me..I feel guilty for leaving and I miss him so much but I know that it won't get better. I just don't know what to do. I was all he had.
2006-08-21 15:25:31 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You made the right choice for yourself, way to go! That takes a lot of courage to do that, and to share about that! You are right you were all he had...and that's the natural consequence of his actions. Now let him deal...! You closed that door for a very good reason, and he's counting on you to feel guilty, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. You are doing great so far with your courage...and need time to heal. You've had a lot of emotional and physical abuse, in the last few years, and need all the support you can get. It's good that you have decided to seek your family members to help you. Now is the time to let them do that. I'm sure you do miss him, and have loved him...but trust your support, allow yourself to lean on your mom, in your moments of weakness and pain. Go to her, throw your arms around her, cause you need a lot of hugs, loving hugs, and just allow your pain to release...let the tears flow and tell your mom how your feeling...she will help you through it...she is very aware you have a lot of pain, and she is hurting for you too, but she is far stronger than you right now, and the process of healing for you will begin. Today, it may be very difficult, and overwhelming, but tomorrow is another day. It won't go away quickly like you want it, but your courageous steps, will make you stronger as each day passes. Healing does take a lot of work on your part, but you know...you deserve to have happiness, you deserve respect...you deserve to be treated right. You deserve and you have the right to live life, without fear!!!!! Living in that fear, for that long, also has effects on your health, and you courageously have to address that. Make an appointment to see your physician, and ask your mom to go with you, for support. Tell your doctor you've been abused and you left the cycle of violence and living with your mom. The physician knows how to handle situations like that, and will give you a physical to make sure your health is okay, because stress impacts on your nervous system, and can throw everything out of whack. He may refer you to be councelled as well by a psyciatrist for the support you need to heal, and get stronger. It's to help keep you safe, and end the cycle of violence, in order for your health to improve. They know what they are doing...they have treated many but not all follow the advice, which is why some go back to their abusers thinking they can fix things themselves and everything will be fine. Some have made that terrible mistake, and some parents visit their daughters grave site out of that choice. Don't be another statistic!!!!!!!!!Stay away, don't correspond with him, don't call him, and tell your mom you aren't taking any calls from him, and don't want to be bothered by him. He cannot control you anymore, and he cannot hurt you anymore...shame on him for crippling your beautiful spirit! You are a very special person, and have a lot of beauty within that makes part of our world a better place. If today, was a very long day for you, and very difficult to cope...be good to yourself, go get that hug from your mom that you need, and cry if you need to cry...then run yourself a luxurious bubble bath and have a snack prepared for yourself, when you get out of the tub, and get some rest. If you find you are a bit restless, find a program of common interest that both you and your mom could enjoy watching together, to unwind a bit more, until you feel relaxed enough to go to sleep. My suggestion is comedy, you's both need to laugh a bit. After all, laughter is the best medicine they say. Hum, must be a reason they say that...! Lol! Hoping my comments and suggestions are helpful, and encouraging, wishing you the best in health, happiness, and strenth as you walk in your steps to recovery. The best to you, and your family, it will only get better from this moment forward, smile, people do care about you! Take care, be good to yourself, and I'm so glad you asked...stay safe! :-)
2006-08-21 16:17:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are all YOU have too, honey!
Anyone who says "I love you" and hits you is confused and broken inside.
YOU CAN'T FIX HIM!
Please do not make the mistake of listening to the "sane" part of him that is sorry.
I have been married for 10+ years to a man who can express his anger in productive, loving conversation, and he knows when to go cool off for a while before he says anything hateful.
My rule is, there are certain things that are 100% deal-breaker in a relationship:
Hitting (pushing, shoving, grabbing) is "ONE STRIKE AND YOU'RE OUT"
If you are all he had, then you have left him to deal with his own demons. He MUST be left in order to heal and begin the process of becoming a loving person. YOU are not responsible for his happiness, HE is.
People who don't mean to hurt you, don't hurt you.
ask your mom to give you support in getting over the guilt, and missing him. Spend time with people who DEMONSTRATE their love for you. Love is not a squishy feeling. Love is making sure that the other person is as comfortable and happy as possible while you maintain your dignity. He has become the attacker in your life. He should be your safe place.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you, and I know you are not to blame.
Check where you live for a Domestic Violence Counselling center, and take advantage of any classes or counselling they can offer. It is very very helpful.
2006-08-21 15:43:35 · answer #2 · answered by sexymommyof3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every abuser is always sorry after they have done damage physically and mentally. Let me tell you from experience, it will not change and it will not get better. You need to stay away from this guy for good----for your own sake. I have had more than one abusive relationship and was nearly killed the last time. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone in my entire life. I had never been that happy either. Then the abuse started. I went back to him because he also wrote me a letter about how sorry he was and it would never happen again and how his life was so empty without me, etc.... Abusers will put a guilt trip on you so you will go back to them. Please for your own sake, don't go back to him or you might not have another chance to ask for advice or see your friends and family because you could be killed the next time. I know it is so hard. It was for me also. I grieved over this guy for a very long time. He really messed me up in the head too. His mental abuse was as bad as his physical abuse. It takes time to get over losing anyone you love. But wouldn't you rather get over this guy than be 6 feet under? I promise you there are guys out there that will not treat you this way and you will be happy again and happier than you ever thought you could be. I don't know you, but I am begging you to stay away from this guy and go on with your life. You go back to him, you may not have a life period. I will be thinking about you ALOT. Take care and I wish you the very best.
2006-08-21 15:42:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, that's not true, if he goes out and buys an Everlast punching bag, he will have replaced you completely.
He's beating you. What else do you need to know? It will never change. It will only get worse, you'll wind up in the hospital or the morgue. You can't change him. Your love will not help him.
Am I getting through yet? STAY AWAY!!!!!
Go get some counseling and find out why you think so absolutely little of yourself that you'd put up with somebody beating the sense out of you? Do you think you're that worthless? Do you think he's the only guy on earth who will pay any attention to you?
Is any of this making you angry yet? I hope so. Get mad, and use that anger to get through to the part of you that wants to actually walk back into that situation.
If I knew the magic formula to get you to not think about going back, I'd find it for you. But you've got to do that for yourself.
2006-08-21 15:36:44 · answer #4 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I could say, if u have been my guy, then i might love u greater for coping with me rather at the same time as dealing with such no longer common circumstances. why doesnt she understand u even the tinies of bits and do u know why she that she replaced into the guy who enjoyed u while u gave her each and every reason no too. i in my opinion sense sorry for u and choose to be via ur part bc its rather unhappy what she's doing. its like she facilitates u cope abit then supplies u each and all of the stress lower back :[ tears r beginning as much as rol down my cheeks! all i might say is dont stress bc if nothings going to return out of it then all which will hapeen would be detrimental; u fall sick lower back.
2016-09-29 13:03:43 · answer #5 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fool me once sham on you! Fool me twice sham on me!!!! He will tell you anything to get you back,and you know that! How many times after hitting you,did he say he was sorry???? But within a few days he was hitting you again. He wants you back,not out of love,but for someone he can hit and not get hit back.
2006-08-21 15:37:35 · answer #6 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You made the right choice. Stick with it.
I watched my mom get the crap beat out of her by two different husbands. They were always sorry, but that didn't stop them from doing it agian. You got out...stay out!
2006-08-21 16:33:17 · answer #7 · answered by monkeedee2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first and fore most you have to conside your safety and sometimes we may love some one asto they would love us but in this matter yes it maty be so but i strongly suggest you cut ur ties cause by talking or responing to his letters may give him idea that theirm might be a chance with you guys so stay with moms focus on u and always keep in ming that u r better and u deserve better outta life .
2006-08-21 15:42:05 · answer #8 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to him about it. If hes really sorry he'll be willing to see a phyciatrist or a counselor about his problem.
2006-08-21 15:33:26 · answer #9 · answered by pat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds all too familiar. He will never stop hitting you. Please do not go back. You might be going to your grave.
2006-08-21 15:33:11 · answer #10 · answered by Coleen W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋