There is a girl I know that has been exclusively dating this guy for about a year now. I couldn't wait any longer so I told her how I felt about her and that I wanted her. She was very interested. We saw each other for like 3 months while she was seeing this other guy. I never would sleep with her though because she wouldn't leave the guy she is with. I didn't want to just have sex with her and that be the end of it. So we stopped seeing one another, but made regular contact through email. Now almost a year later she wanted to see me again and said she needed to hear my voice. We went to lunch and she told me that she was sorry, that she made a big mistake that she thinks she should be with me, that I make her happier and she knows just how much I really care about her. I need some insight from the women on this matter. Shes still in the relationship with the guy, but says she wants me now. What should I do? I want to be able to trust her thats why I didn't sleep with her before.
2006-08-21 15:14:54 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am a guy, but I think you will find this advice helpful. She is still in the relationship with the other guy, so here is what you MUST do. You MUST tell her that "I feel I should not being seeing you until you either break ties with your boyfriend because he is still your boyfriend." If she refuses to break the ties, she is just hanging onto you as a boyfriend replacement. You are second tier to the boyfriend in that case, and she actually wants neither one of you if she can find someone better. I hate to say it that way, but it is true!
If she does breakup with her boyfriend, and you are ABSOLUTELY sure she is no longer going out with him, ONLY then should you proceed to get to know her better. Make her do the work because right now she is dangling you at the end of a string. She may or may not be playing you, but her actions as a result of stating what I told you above will tell you where she truly stands. She will play you if she hangs onto her boyfriend. Make her see you as the top tier guy, or leave her in the dust. Unless of course you want to get hurt....You sound like a great and respectful guy though, so I wish you the best!
2006-08-21 15:27:24 · answer #1 · answered by +TheEndIsInSight+ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMGe you are being not only played but emotionally abused.
Ask your self that if this girl you are so wild about becomes your gf and the other guy is out of the picture.......who will replace you?
This is so simple I can't believe you asked the question. I understand you adore her or maybe even love her, but that doesn't mean you need to be with her. Keep her tucked away in
your heart and find a girl who will be yours and yours alone and you don't have to worry who she is sneeking off with.
Let her go and never look back. You just have one life to live....why waste your time with a player who will use and abuse you.?
You didn't have sex with her before because in your heart you knew it would be cheating with her on another guy. What part of cheating makes you want her so much? And do you want a life time of being with someone who cheats?
She is getting your attention...but when she tires of it she will turn elsewhere for attention.
How do you know that you arn't one of a dozen of guys that she charms? You are most likely one of many. What part of that is attractive?
This girl has some sort of power over you that isn't healthy. Be a man and walk away from this player.
You sound like a good guy. Get a girl that will be yours and only yours.- and not cheat on you.
Sometimes a guy has to take a stand no matter what his heart tells him. This might be the hardest thing to do.....but just DO IT
2006-08-21 15:46:36 · answer #2 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing the first time by not getting physically involved with her when you knew she was seeing someone else...Most guys wouldn't care as long as they were getting some too.
Now it seems she's not happy in her current relationship and the grass always looks greener on the other side...Well you are the other side. So if you do want to be with her, tell her she needs to end things with her guy before you and her can even consider starting something...And keep in mind that you will also be the rebound guy and that this guy she is currently with might miraculously change and be there for her all of a sudden when he sees she is trying to leave him...
So right now, it sounds like a messy situation you could be getting yourself into.
Be prepared. I don't think you are getting played at this point, but you could end up getting hurt and you could end up setting yourself up.
2006-08-21 15:22:16 · answer #3 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run don't walk away. First rule of a healthy relationship is trust, would you trust her after she has been talking to you behind his back. Second, you can simply not go from one guy straight through to the next and be ok. You must clean up one mess, heal up a bit, and reevaluate where you are and what you want, then and only then can you get into a healthy relationship.
2006-08-21 15:21:10 · answer #4 · answered by JULIE J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you decide to pursue this, go very slowly. It could be that she's very confused, and doesn't know what to do. It could be that she's the type that doesn't like to hurt people and so is having a hard time getting out of the other relationship. Or it could be that she wants bothhim and you. Give it time, you will find out. Be careful, good luck.
2006-08-21 15:24:05 · answer #5 · answered by mightymite1957 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Scott,
Seem to me that Missy gets bored with her man now and then and takes you out of her closet and dusts you off.
You want insight.
She loves her boyfriend but likes to get attention outside of the relationship., You come along and you fit the bill she doesn't have to have sex with you and you stroke her ego. Now after a year she needs another ego boost.
Tell her to take a hike.
2006-08-21 15:24:10 · answer #6 · answered by Just ME 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT DOESNT SOUND LIKE YOUR BEING PLAYED IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S CONFUSED. WITH WOMEN SOME TIMES THERE AFRAID OF MOVING ON BECAUSE ALL THEY KNOW IS WHAT THEY'VE HAD. SHE MAY JUST BE AFRAID OF GIVING UP WHAT SHE KNOWS SHE HAS FOR SOMETHING SHE MAY WANT BUT SHE'S NOT SURE IF SHE'S STRONG ENOUGH. JUST TELL HER IF SHE WANTS YOU SHE NEEDS TO TELL THIS GUY IT'S OVER BECAUSE YOU MAY NOT BE AVAILABLE ANOTHER YEAR FROM NOW. YOU MAY REALLY CARE FOR THIS GIRL BUT DONT BE THE OTHER MAN, LIKE YOU WERE FOR 3 MONTHS BE STRONG AND GIVE HER A KIND BUT FIRM ME OR HIM ULTIMATEM! HOPE YOU GET YOUR GIRL!
2006-08-21 15:30:40 · answer #7 · answered by bigmommanova 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know if you are being played or not but i would try not getting too serious since she is still with this other person. stay friends...if she ever breaks it off with him, then open your heart to her. protect yourself, she may be just looking for the positive attention you give her if her guy is somehow lacking in it. she may not have any real plans on leaving her current guy. just play it cool and be friends...be patient, if its meant to be, it will happen. too many other girls are out there that are serious and will really want to be with you.
2006-08-21 15:24:18 · answer #8 · answered by sylonthego 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being played.......shes does not have the guts to go up to the guy and say "its over" for some reason shes still with him .. and the way she approched you its kinda slutty .. so I think you are really being played.. i mean what if you did go out with her.. and then .. she did not had the guts to tell you what is wrong and she ll go and seek for another guy behind your back .. when shes still with you ... this shoes shes not really communicative with his guy and they have problems in some way .. but i guess.. it is her fault because if the guy was unhappy he wouldve broken up with her a long time ago . so that is why i think its more of an issue with her.......and what she wants she doesnt really feel happy with one guy .........................move on! she ll never be happy with one guy
2006-08-21 15:23:37 · answer #9 · answered by Dr. Truth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit wearing your heart on our sleeve...
Did you really expect her to leave her steady man when you haven't even seen if your compatible in bed?
You both are young and are deciding what you want from life.
If trust is such a big issue to you and you don't think you can trust her I'd say you already have your decision.........
2006-08-21 15:40:19 · answer #10 · answered by Red 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋