"you look
but are you seeing?
on the outside i'm fine,
but inside i'm screaming!
the scars are slowly fading,
but the pain stays buried deep.
you've never never seen me cry,
but i sob myself to sleep.
(chorus:) and you can't see it
unless you know what you are looking for.
and you can't tell me how i feel
unless you know how i felt before.
and you can't feel this pain
unless you aren't afraid to reach out.
and you can't make me be sure of myself
unless you yourself aren't in doubt.
and you can't help me now
unless you've known my past.
and you can't try and make me love you...
...unless i know that yours will last
-end chorus-
you hear me
but are you listening?
my voice is small and fading
so now i am only whispering.
you can hear the laughs
but can you hear the emptiness?
will you be the one to hear me?
will you be the one to end this?
(repeat chorus)
...unless i know that yours will last...."
2006-08-21 15:02:09 · 10 answers · asked by lifeistough_period 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Performing Arts
oh, and most of the songs or poems that i post on here, i get alot of feedback saying stuff like "oh it was good but i didn't understand this...."
and with the things that i write, you aren't supposed to understand. it gives a little mystery and also if it's kind of confusing and doesn't spell every little thing out, it can mean something different to everyone. :-)
2006-08-21 15:02:24 · update #1
everyone CAN understand it. they do not need to be told IN DETAIL why I am feeling pain they can just take the song and feel the pain of another person and make it relate.
yes, music is universal. but so is PAIN. everyone feels pain. but not everyone understands it. it is not meant to be understood and it is not something that can be explained. so shut up.
2006-08-21 15:13:57 · update #2
I believe it is one sad but beautiful written poetry that might just fit into a song if I heard some music in the background. Like many others I can feel the pain while reading this. Very well done and keep writing!
2006-08-21 15:18:54 · answer #1 · answered by LilahFairy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Y'know, it's not a bad little song, it is kind of standard - but it's as good as any of the the stuff in the teeny-bopper genre.
Of course there are millions of perfectly good songs that never see the light of day, because only a few artists will make it to the top, and only a few songs will ever be sung by them. The competition is overwhelming. IF you REALLY want a career as a singer, and IF you have a stand-out talent, and IF you put in the long, hard WORK it takes to get noticed, and IF you get lucky, you could be up there among the stars. Meanwhile, if you like writing music, keep up the good work. Maybe one day you'll make a vanity album. Hey, it's the 21st Century, why not?
2006-08-21 16:37:06 · answer #2 · answered by rumplesnitz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really are 17, good job. For someone so young, you've done well. Don't mind Kittyrogers and Jo; they just seem like pretencious snobs. There are indeed clichees in your song, but there are heaps of clichees in the best of lyrics (not everybody is Pink Floyd or Jim Morrisson etc.) And then you're only 17; once you've read more, you'll realize what the snobs talk about when they mention clichees. Also, don't mind the people who keep on complaining that they don't understand; they're plain stupid. Ambiguity (the arbitrary of the linguistical sign, if the snobs want specialised terminology) is one of the main tell-tale signs of a text's literary quality. You should keep writing. I wish I could write like you when I was 17. I'm curious what music you attached to the lyrics.
2006-08-21 21:53:39 · answer #3 · answered by Shaitan 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like the first and second stanza. I really like the imagery and symbolism that you have going.
I don't really care for the chorus, it's a bit too wordy and it doesn't have that clear cut beautiful imagery that the stanzas do.
the beginning of the chorus starts out with "and you can't see it"
You have to define or establish what IT is. replace It with a word.
Good Job..........very nice
2006-08-21 15:14:59 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara M 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dear, this is not actually a song (just some disjointed lyrics that obviously speak of teen angst), and believe me, if you are getting feedback that no one understands it, then you are on the WRONG road. Musci conveys a universal understanding and if you cannot do that, you are no song writer!
2006-08-21 15:10:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Pretty darn good...you should keep writing songs.To the Rock Roll music in my head it could be screamed like that you know.You should write about Divinity,Anger,or Creations on Earth.Explore your words and talent because you're pretty good girl!
2006-08-21 15:18:44 · answer #6 · answered by unmovingasp 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's pretty shallow to me, and cliche. There's not alot of originality in it, and repetitive. Use a thesaurus, if that will help. Honestly, the song isn't even good enough for a pop queen.
2006-08-21 15:13:55 · answer #7 · answered by huh 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my first instinct is "wow, so many words..." But I think it will be fine. Do you have music to go with it? I don't know much about making music. But I would say the lyric is very true itself. Go girl.
2006-08-21 20:54:12 · answer #8 · answered by Lune 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the lyrics are great and would really make a fantastic song, but is a rock, pop, rap or ballad. the lyrics are only half the song.
2006-08-21 15:48:48 · answer #9 · answered by immegirl247 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think its painfully beautiful and i can completely feel your words. You are very talented and should keep writing. I can relate very much you your words, i can only hope the tortured soul in the song isnt you... *hugs*
2006-08-21 15:09:59 · answer #10 · answered by Fade__Out 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋