Do I have a right to be mad?

Question

I am in a marching band and a few other preforming groups. The problems with this is, a lot of the preformances are on Thursday nights which is fine with me and my mom. But the things is, my dad has his own little group that he goes to in Rhode Island on Thursday nights for fun. I wish that he would stay home and come to my prefomances when they are given but he puts his group before them always. Do I have the right to feel let down and angry? He has missed almost every concert and marching band competition I have ver been in excepting the rare few that are on other days of the week. What can I do?

Answer 1

I am dealing with the same thing. My ex husband always puts his desires and wishes and activities ahead of our children.
It is sad and very hurt full.
So, your choices are what? You can't change another human being actions.
Does this mean he doesn't love you? I doubt it. In his own selfish way he does love you. He just puts himself ahead of you. he doesn't get it. One day he might see what it is he has done, but don't count on it.

Try to tell him how you feel. Ask your mom to tell him how you feel, but in the end prepare yourself for this character flaw to stay.
Good luck



I leave you with Chuck Swindoll

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.

It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past ... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you ... we are in charge of our Attitude." - Chuck Swindoll

Answer 2

You absolutely have the right to feel anything you want, including let down and angry. What you as a child do not have the right to do it to tell your parents what to do or how to behave. You cannot control their (or others') actions. That said, here is what I would recommend: write Dad a letter from your heart and let him know how you feel. Try to avoid using sentences that start like "You should . . ." but instead use "When you ----, I feel ___." You can let him know how much his presence and support means to you when he DOES show up, and hopefully that will help him to want to do it more often. Good luck!

Answer 3

You can be angry and disappointed but that will get you nowhere. Parents should encourage their children but at the same time parents need their own lives and activities. Be happy that he doesn't miss everything. If he did, then there would be a problem. Parents need time away from their kids just like kids need time away from their parents. There's nothing wrong with that.

Answer 4

You absolutely have a right to be upset with your dad. It's one of the biggest roles of a father to support his children in all that they chose to do.

But, understand that he's not doing it to intentionally spite you. Many sons and daughters will take that sort of thing and run with it, coming to the conclusion that their father hates them.

It's what you do with the situation that defines you. All you can really do is ask him to come. Try and persuade him to re-schedule his night out.

Whatever you do, don't give up doing what you love because of anyone other than yourself, should you decide to change focus.

Answer 5

No, you do not have a right to be mad. Parents should not be expected to cater to their kids, and their activities. Your dad probably works hard and by the sounds of it Thursdays he is just busy. He has made it other days, as you stated, just be glad he was able to make it to any. Some kids grow up without a dad around.

Answer 6

You are mad. That is ok. Everyone has a point of view. Your needs or wants are not being met. you may not feel important. Talk to him. Or else you will end up taking it out on someone else that doesn't deserve it. One thing I learned in life. Put the anger where it belongs, which is where it started, then it tends not to build....

Answer 7

I too would be upset.

Possible solution would be to speak to him about it. Not sure what group he goes too, but perhaps that group would like to see you, their friend's daughter, perform too? Ask him, tell him you feel down about it, and ask if he could perhaps bring his group to your performance.

He should see that he is not being fair or a good father, and do something, either bringing them or going himself. Perhaps he can even change his groups meeting night to accomodate his schedule of seeing you perform.

Good luck with the problem.

Answer 8

You both have something important to you and I think you really need to tell him how you feel. He also wants to have his group too. Maybe you can work something out so he can see you and go to his group. I don't know, but first talk to him and don't point the finger at him though.

Answer 9

Yes, you do have a right to be mad. From your perspective, I'm sure that it feels like your dad is choosing his other group of friends over you. I'm so sorry that he doesn't get how important this is to you. My kids take preference over my friends under any circumstance.

Answer 10

Yes, you have a right to be mad and disapointed. I'm sorry your dad is so selfish. You can be sure that one day he will regret it sincerely. Too bad he can't see that now. Get him a CD of "Cats in the Cradle." Call it a preview of the future.