Suffering yourself to teach your kids -- How do you guys feel about this parenting style (read description)?

Question

Ghandi's grandson Arun often speaks of a time he drove his father into town and was supposed to have the car serviced while his father went about his business. Arun had agreed to pick his father up at 5 pm. When he showed up 1 hr late his concerned father asked what happened. Rather than admitting he had lost track of time at the movies, Arun said it took longer to service the car than expected. Little did he know his father had already called the service station and learned Arun had left with the car hours earlier.

Catching this lie, Arun’s father asked, "What have I done to raise a son who would so easily lie to his father?" As an act of penance his father decided to walk home, 18 miles! No matter how much Arun apologized and urged his father to PLEASE get in the car, he could not get him to change his mind. Arun felt so badly that he never lied to his father again.

This is like canceling your much-anticipated vacation b/c a child misbehaved -- who agrees this is effective?

Answer 1

Consequences should fit the misbehavior. Walking 18 miles- all that suffering- really had nothing to do wtih the child's misbehavior- which was to lie.

It feels almost sadistic to me to cause THAT much guilt in a child.
Remember that what we ultimately want are children who know right from wrong- and "behave" whether we are present or not.

from a grandma-aged person

Answer 2

I agree that this is effective. As a mother of three boys, I have learned that going ahead with plans even when the children misbehave does nothing more than reinforce the negative behavior and taking away something that the children hold dear is sometimes the only way to get their attention.

Answer 3

His father was right to punish the child for lying. I would say walking 18 miles is a bit extreme, but you want a child to learn that actions have consequences. It paid off...he never lied to his father again. I would say the punishment should fit the fault...it is up to individual parents but the punishment should be consistent with NO exceptions!

Answer 4

That might be takeing it to the extreme but there have been times where i have missed a much anticpated birthday party or day at the park because my child did'nt deserve to go. of course if you have more than one child its not fair to punish the others so you may need to hire a sitter to stay with the child who was undeserving to go just make sure the sitter is aware of the situation she is walking into.

Answer 5

when I was 18 and still lived at home I was expected to mow the lawn. This was my only job! I came home one day and saw my dad mowing after he had worked all day. I had basically enjoyed my day and immediately began to feel guilty. From then on he never had to mow the lawn while I lived there. He died in 1998 and before he did,I made time to mow every weekend when he was to week to do it himself. After I was done, we would end up talking about things that had happened to him in his lifetime that I may never have gotten to know. So , what I'm trying to say is I'm glad he did it ,because it ultimately brought us together!

Answer 6

i dont know about canceling a vacation...thats not quite the same technique...unless it was a vacationstrictly for the parent. But if you could find a way to mimic that style i think it would be highly effective. Unless your child is pure evil.

Answer 7

It sounds like a profound penance. What child would not learn from this?

Answer 8

Sounds like he learned his lesson. Much better than a beating or a lecture.

Answer 9

I feel that disciplining the offender is much better. That's how discipline will be handled when they are an adult and break a law.

Answer 10

it is a system that worked for a while then it became ok go for it punishments or displines for this matter should fit the act that you are addressing