My ex's mother currently childminds our son when I work butI feel he spends too much time there now and wish 2

Question

place him into nursery whilst I work.I only work part time,he's nearly 2 years old and the health visitor has said it would benefit him to interact with other children more.Ex claims I am being unreasonable and if I put him into nursery he will file for sole custody of our child.Am I being unreasonable?Because his dad has moved back to his parents my son is spending more time in their house than he is mine,its like our home is his part time home.Is it fair of ex to threaten to go for custody of our son?

I'd just like to add I'm not jealous of how much time he spends with his dad or extended family,its just that at the moment it is obviously confusing for my son and every time nanny comes to pick him up he screams the place down and when he comes back from there he is grumpy,out of sorts and doesn't sleep very well.He keeps crying in his sleep and waking up at stupid o'clock.I hate seeing him so clearly distressed.My son is my number one priority here.

He goes to nannys monday,wednesday and friday from 11-6.30 and stays over night on wednesday nights and alternative saturday or sunday all day as well.However half the time he is not brought back to me til at least 8pm on the Monday and Friday when it is time for his bed.When his dad wanted to swap the day so he could go on a date I agreed and have also agreed for him to have him from Thursday-sunday this week in order to take him to a family wedding.I really don't see how much more accomadating I can be.

Answer 1

Put him in nursery. It prepares them for school, and teaches them to socialise. No court will giove the father custody for this! Plus its not him doing the childcare its his parents.
Be careful, it sounds like they are nervous of losing access and overreacting. Or they may be trying to put together a case for a custody battle.
Get a court to set access visits and stick to those instead of letting them spend so much time with him.

Answer 2

Your life is too busy for your son, that's the problem. He is confused bcuz he doesn't have a PRIMARY caregiver. He's with Grandma alot but with nanny and grandma and mommy and daddy how is he supposed to know who his parent is. Work out a firm schedule with your ex and both of you stick to it. It might mean that you won't have the freedoms that you have now but trust me if he is getting EQUAL time with both of you, you'll all be happier. I had to go part-time AND ask for a shift change when I had my oldest son but today my 11 year old is a healthy self assured child. I went to work and dad stayed home then I'd come home and dad keft 30 minutes later, you don't live in the same house but you and your ex should do the same thing. Remember that your son didn't ask to come into this world but he still deserves parents that don't argue about him or say bad things about the other one. Putting him in a nursery isn't grounds to try and take him away from you but if dad can provide the care why not ask him to take your son to toddler activities. Our local library has storytime and gymnastics and picnics so that the kids get to socialize that way. YOU are the only person that can decide to slow down while he's young and enjoy what God has given you. GOOD LUCK and rememberthat MOTHERHOOD is a proud profession.

Answer 3

no it's not fair, and it's an idle threat. there is no chance of your ex being awarded custody of your son, you haven't done the slightest thing wrong. What you are asking is only fair, you want your son to progress to the next natural step of nursery, and you have a job so that is absolutley fine! You sound like a very caring level headed person, and I have no doubt you intend to allow your ex and his family proper and fair access, in the best interest of your child. Remember, as his mother, you have the last say, and that is as it should be. Be confident in your rights.

Answer 4

you need to agree this with your ex and not just call the shots.
he is reacting to you saying i am...i will...

maybe you could find a part time place for your child and get your ex to choose a nursery with you, explaining that it is for your son's development and not a grudge against him.

if you only work part time though does it not make sense for your ex's family to look after him? if you take that time away, he still needs to see his dad and that will have to be taken from time you would otherwise spend with your son.

your ex feels he has been put in a corner. he feels threatened by what you propose to do, therefore he has come out fighting and has also threatened you the only way he knows how...custody. i doubt he'd win but who wants to go through a court battle!!

try and work it out between you, no shouting, that way no one will feel threatened.

hope this has helped x

Answer 5

properly i've got dealt with the shoe on the different foot for many. some years. the terrific i'm able to offer is in basic terms be there to your son. After some years of my ex doing the comparable element on Father's day my son gave up and commenced making the father's day presents for me. there is no longer something extra heartbreaking than seeing your baby sitting there waiting to flow and then having to look ahead to someone who's by no ability going to come back. I reached the element the place i ended telling him that his dad became into coming and if or while he confirmed up i'd get our son waiting. extra advantageous to have your ex wait then to have your baby upset and adventure rejection they'd't understand. the ladies persons will no longer be worth your son's time or harm thoughts. in basic terms be there and love him. that is not hassle-free enjoying the functionality of the two mom and dad yet I now have a fifteen 3 hundred and sixty 5 days-previous son that thinks i'm suited even understanding my flaws through fact i've got continuously been there while he mandatory me. you probably did an incredible element with the help of making the day approximately him. supply your self a pat on the lower back because you deserve it. Oh and you need to no longer have tossed out the flowers, you need to have located them on the table in a constructive vase and informed your son in basic terms how alluring they are and how grateful you sense to have them liven up your homestead. i do no longer understand why some human beings reject their childrens although if that is pathetic. think of of it this way, he's fortunate to have a minimum of one discern that somewhat loves him - some childrens finally end up with 2 crappy mom and dad.

Answer 6

He wont get custody of your child over something like this unless you have done something wrong. If you only work part time, surely the rest of the time you can be with him and it may be quite handy for his grandparents to be there if you can try to work at it. It would be good for him to interact, sure, but nurseries cost. Can you try and make it work out for everyone? Things will change. Actually, 2 is very young, you may be lucky to have them around.

Answer 7

I'd say just put your son in a daycare. This will benefit him tremendously. I'm sure your son would love to play with other children his own age. Its not fair for your EX to throw at you that he go for a custody of your son. You are doing the best you can for your son. Thats great that his parents are involved with the care of your son while you go to work. I believe if you put your child into daycare your EX is worried bout who is going to be paying for the daycare, he probably is thinking well my parents can watch him for free, but really it seems like your EX is cheating your son out of having friends and mingle with children instead of adults.

Answer 8

Your ex needs to leave the boy out of it. Send the boy to nursery and get a good lawyer. When you deal with your ex have a third party listening in.

Answer 9

Your not being unreasonable at all as long as contact isn't cut altogether. As long as you have a stable, loving and safe environment for your child then your ex won't get sole custody, do what YOU think is right for your child as it seems you already do. Good luck

Answer 10

it depends on what quality childminder she is. i would not move the child if he was lovingly cared for and was content. having said that i would move him if i was uncomfortable and not 100%happy with her abilities,as a stressed granny can do harm to a developing child.
perhaps you could compromise and have the child going to a creche in the mornings or alternative days. this would help him with the inevitable of having to go in the near future,so that it is not overwheling to deal with other kids. he needs their company and perhaps he would be stimulated better in a creche.
don't just do it to spite the ex and his family.