Any funny jokes get 10 points!and lots of good ratings!☻?

Question

♥☺☻ any1 with jokes gets 10 points good luck!☻☺♥

Answer 1

Yo momma is so fat, se hangs of both sides of the bed.

There was a old couple laying in the bed,
they were bored so they decided to have a farting contest.
So the man rips a big one, he shouts "50 YARD PASS!"
Then the woman rips one and says "35 YARD RUN"
The man pushes, and pushes and they both heard a mooshy fart, and the man was silent for a few sedconds, and procedded to say, "Half time, switch sides."

(If you didnt get it the mooshy noise was poop)

Answer 2

Little Johnny wanted to know what government and all that was, so he asks his dad. His dad says, "Well son, We'll call me capitalism, your mom the government, since she's the one who makes the major decisions, the nanny the working class, because she gets paid for what she does. You will be the people, and your baby brother will be the future. Why don't you go into your room, and think about it."
So that night, he wakes up, when his little brother started crying. He went in the room, and saw that his brother had went to the bathroom in his daiper, he didn't know how to get him to stop criying, so he went to his parents room, his mom was sleeping, and his dad wasn't there. He found his dad and the nanny on the couch together, so he just went back to bed.
The next day, he said to his dad, "I think I get it now. While capitalism's screwing the working class, the government is asleep, the people are being ignored, and the future is full of crap. " :]

Answer 3

A blind guy walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. He walks around the aisles until he gets to the middle, then he picks the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around above his head. The cashier notices and comes running over, shouting " what's going on!?? what's wrong??" The blind guy finally puts the dog back down and says, "Nothing, I'm just looking around."

Answer 4

A cucumber, pickle and a penis are standing around talking about how each of their lives suck. the cucumber says " when i get big fat and juicy, they slice me up and put me in salads". the pickle says" u think u got it bad, well when i get big fat and juicy they put me in a jar: then the penis says" HAH thats nuthin, when I get big fat and juicy, they put a rubber cage on me,put me in a dark cave, bang me against the wall unitl i puke and then i stay limp!'' ( when i heard this joke i was rollin on the floor laughing)

Answer 5

Two peanuts walked into a bar, and 1 was asalted ha ha!!

Answer 6

ms

Level 2



One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. She told the class, "I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about." "Okay, first: it's round, plump and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely, ignored him and picked Jenny, who promptly answered, "An apple." The teacher answered, "No Jenny, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now, for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny was hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skipped him again and called on Billy. "Is it a peach?" "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like you're thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now, Johnny was about to explode as he waved his hand frantically. The teacher skipped him again and called on Sally. "A banana," she said. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny was kind of irritated now, so he spoke up loudly. Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it."
"Johnny!" she cried. "That's disgusting!"
"Nope," answered Johnny. "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

------------------------------...

A man had seven children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, "Mother of Seven," in spite of her objections.
One night they went to a party. The man decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouted at the top of his voice,
"Shall we go home, Mother of Seven?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouted back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

------------------------------...

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I havean elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day whenhe was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up hisumbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sittingbeside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbitfell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

------------------------------...

Man Of The House
A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The husband took off his pants and handed them to his wife.
"See if they fit."
"They don't."
"Now you see who will wear the pants in this house." She thought a little while, and took off her panties and asked him to try them on.
"I can't get into these."
"And you won't, either, with that attitude."