Here's the situation. I've been friends w/ this woman for about 3 or 4 years now. We would hang out from time to time, go play pool, or go out to eat. Nothing serious. There was never really any chemistry when we did kick it. I've been friends with her through her college years, listened to her complain about ex boyfriends and people she's dated, etc.. During this time, I've talked to her almost every single day, either by phone, computer, or in person.
I've noticed recently though that my feelings have changed. I get jealous everytime she talks about a guy, and I find myself complimenting her all the time. I guess after getting to know someone for so long, you want to be that person to fill in the empty space she's missing right? We got into an arguement over something stupid the other day, and I end up telling her how I feel. Then she tells me we'd be better off if we stopped talking to each other, because she can't give me what I want? What does this mean?
2006-08-21 10:47:40 · 19 answers · asked by do it movin' 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Did I make a mistake by tellling her how I feel?
2006-08-21 10:47:57 · update #1
You made no mistake. It just that she isn't interested in you. Your friendship shouldn't be messed up over it. But if you listened to all her crap over the past 4 yrs. And she hasn't done anything for you, then maybe you need a new friend and a new flame.
2006-08-21 10:58:08 · answer #1 · answered by Ray 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you didn't make a mistake. What you did was what everyone should hope for. You've been really good friends with someone, for a long time. You've let feelings develop naturally, and not felt too rushed about anything. Friendship is always the best way to start. You were perfectly in your right to be honest with her. Sadly, she too, was honest with you, in telling you that she would not be returning your affections in the way you had hoped. That's ok. Just continue being her friend. If she chooses otherwise, though sad for you, it will be her loss and her decision. You will have to be able to sacrifice that, as she won't be able to look at you the same way, and now, niether will you. You will, sadly, have to find the strength to move on. I'm sorry this happened to you, as it really seemed like a perfect match.
2006-08-21 17:58:22 · answer #2 · answered by Michael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didnt make a mistake because being honest is a great thing! It sounds like she doesn't feel the same wayabout you that you feel about her. Shes not ready to move your friendship to the next level. You might of made your friendship a little bit uncomfortable for her. If you don't want to lose her as a friend, tell her your sorry you made her uncomfortable and laugh it off. Who knows, maybe down the road she will discover that you 2 can be more than friends.
2006-08-21 17:57:17 · answer #3 · answered by flowwjoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh that's so terrible. I think you were right to tell her how you feel.
What I suggest? Give her space. I mean drop off the planet. Let her know you're going to give her space and you'll be there if she wants to talk.
If she says she wants to just be your friend...then make up your mind that that's what it's going to be and let the other things go.
IF she never speaks to you again...then she really isn't worth your time (hard to believe given that you've been friends for so long, but people are weird in some circumstances).
If she does talk to you a little and never gives you any answer...you'll have to move on yourself.
I hope you take my advice. I've been there myself.
2006-08-21 17:54:55 · answer #4 · answered by lindakb24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eventually u would have had to tell her how u felt. she probably told u that u should stop talking b/c she is afraid that if she was in a relationship with u it would end as badly as all the others she's been in. she probably loves having u as a friend but doesn't wanna hurt u. at least that's what it'd be if i was her in that situation. look- i think u need to take her out or call her and discuss how u've felt about her and how ur feelings for her grew and that u really wanna try to work things out. tell her that u'd really like to give a relationship withher a shot and that even if it doesn't work u'd still like to be her close friend b/c she has always meant alot to u and always will. i think (or at least hope) she will understand. u should tell her what u've told us here in ur question and i hope u take my advice b/c u sound like u were really meant for each other and i kno how much it sux to lose ur soulmate! good luck babe!!
2006-08-21 17:57:58 · answer #5 · answered by ♥_mrs.smith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its never a mistake to tell someone how you feel, maybe it was the way yu told her, out of fustration and send her running the other way. Think what yuo want in a girl friend and the take a close look at your friend, maybe she feels that she isn't good enought for you, and if you feel that there is something there then tell her the right way
2006-08-21 17:57:12 · answer #6 · answered by a2jreed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mistake was telling her how you felt while you were arguing with her.
Give her time to cool off. Then call her and ask if you can meet her to talk.
Tell her how you feel, but be prepared that she may not feel the same. If you don't want to loose her completely let her know that if she doesn't return your feelings you still want to be friends and you will never bring it up again.
Things may be weird between you two for a few weeks, but if your friendship is strong you will survive.
2006-08-21 17:55:51 · answer #7 · answered by bree30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings that you developed does not necessarily mean they were romantic. You probably became jealous because you are use to being that study man in her life and to see her becoming friends with some other guy pissed you off. I think it you guys are really good friends, give it some time so you can really think about what your feeling really are than go to her. Good friends are a dime a dozen so keep them when you have them.
2006-08-21 17:58:18 · answer #8 · answered by Miss. Tee98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you made a mistake...it was going to come out eventually anyway. What I believe she means and what I would have meant in this case is that I didn't want to lose the friendship if the relationship didn't work out. You two seem to have a very solid and reliable friendship. Relationships are very risky in that if they don't work out..the friendship is no longer guaranteed. You were not wrong for telling her how you feel, but please understand her fear in not wanting to go to the next level.
2006-08-21 17:55:40 · answer #9 · answered by Fee4Lyfe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK first of all that is so romantic.
and i know you don't wont to hear this but if she did that to you thin shes not how you thought see was.
i agree and disagree with what i said because she could of just been mad and you sprung it on her at a bad time.
you seem like a great guy and you seem different to eney other guy because some guys wouldn't tell a guy that there into a girl you must really like her and if your the guy you seem to be thin you'll find a way to flicks this
-summer
2006-08-21 18:01:39 · answer #10 · answered by Summer N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋