my son has been accepted to a head start program in another state do i take him and leave his dad?

Question

we live in NWA and my son was denied Head start here because we were over income by $947, I applied in another where we used to live he was accepted there.His dad and I have lots of problems. I have left him before like 3 times and have always came back to him.He has a drinking problem and I don't want our son to grow up in a house where all we do is fight and yell.His dad grew up like that and I don't want it for my son. I have told his dad that we were planning to leave on the 25th of August. He puts a guilt trip on me saying I'm taking our son away from him. We have one car and that is his primary transportation to work, if I take the (my car) he will be out of a job(he works like 4 miles from our house) I can't get work here, in Kansas my mom has a job lined up for me. I feel like I'm ready to leave for good this time but he's making it difficult for me to leave. I have guilt. Am I doing the right thing by taking our son and moving to another state?

Answer 1

Sounds like you already have your mind made up. 4 miles is not that far, take the car, leave him a bike. Do whats best for your son. No dad is better than a bad dad! My mom raised me just fine! Leave and don't look back. Don't go back. Go on with a good feeling, of knowing you did what was best!! Maybe your man will clean up his act and figure his life out, maybe he won't. It's not worth the risk. There are plenty of men out there that you could love and will love you and your son in return, all without the problems. Be strong. Have faith. Love your child.

Answer 2

You have to do whats best for you and your son. Of course he's going to lay on the guilt trip he doesn't want the change and the start of child support. Make sure you go and make a better life for your son. Maybe you should think about leaving the car so your husband can still work as he will need to make money to support your son. Maybe your mom can help you with a car or take you to work. Then when you have enough saved up buy a car there. Maybe you could suggest to your husband to move to the area to be closer to your son but obviously in different homes. Explain you would like for them to continue a relationship but you need to do what best for your son and you right now. You are doing the right thing. good luck.

Answer 3

Let me see:
1. Your husband has a drinking problem.
2. Your son has been accepted into head start in another state.
3. Your mother has a job lined up for you (I am assuming this is in the same state where your son was accepted into head start.)
4. You will have the support of your mother if you move.

These are all reasons to leave - What are your reasons for staying? The only one you have stated in your question is guilt. By the way, if he lives 4 mile from his job, he can probably get a ride easily.

Answer 4

First and foremost.. don't let your son's education be the reason you leave your husband. Doing the right thing is about all the things involved, not just your son's head start program. If you give this as an excuse to leave your husband, then your son will eventually see this as his 'needs' broke mommy and daddy apart. If you husband is a cruel as you make him out to be, you can be assured he will convince your son that you took him away because of his need for education.. the thus.. the kid will see himself as the cause of the divorce.

My suggestion.. do the right thing.. you already know what that is.. but don't off load those adult decisions on your son.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

Answer 5

I think it would be a good idea to go. Unless your husband(I'm assuming you are married) is willing to change, then you should definitely give it a chance. You have a job and a place for your son, so it seems like you're all set. But do you have a place to live? If so, then go.

Besides, it wouldn't be fair for you to stay where you are now, especially if you can't find work or a head start program for your son. Going would be the best thing for you and your son. The benefits outweigh the losses.

Answer 6

Yes I believe you are. Your son doesn't need to be around an alcoholic for a father. He can walk or take public transportation to get to work. Many people survive without a car and still manage to have a job. If he doesn't want to walk, bum a ride, or take a bus than it will be his fault that he lost his job not you. He is a grown man and needs to take care of himself. You need to do what is best for you and your son. Which is to get him into headstart and you working. He is only giving you a guilt trip in order to manipulate you to stay. Do you really want to risk your alcoholic boyfriend to start hitting you during a drunken rage or worse your son? Think of what is best for your son and get the h-e double hockey stick out of there.

Answer 7

You need to do what's right for your son and you. A drinking problem is serious and is not a good environment for a child to grow up in. Take the car, get the bus scuedule out for your husband and don't be an enabler to the alcoholic. He's an adult.

Answer 8

alot of advice here, but if you are married, which you have not stated, you would be opening up a whole lot of legal problems for yourself. You need to talk to a lawyer and child services and get something on record. If you don't you could be charged with kidnaping and with the dad being unfit, stand a chance of losing your son in the system.

Answer 9

Take your sons dad too. You will hate yourself later, and when your son gets older he will too. If the two of you have problems-grow up and work through them. That is what is wrong with America-if a woman doesn't like a relationship she runs, that is easier to do than work on a relationship.

Answer 10

Yes you're doing the right thing. This is a great opportunity for you to make a good life for your son. His Dad can get a ride, ride a bike, walk or use public transportation. He is giving you excuses because he is lazy. Leave ASAP and good luck.