I know I shouldnt, but I cant stop thinking it?

Question

For the past few months, the only thing I have had on my mind is suicide. I cant stop thinking about just taking a knife to myself, or throwing myself in front of a truck/train/etc, or overdosing myself, or anything.

Seriously, I dont really want to kill myself sometimes. But sometimes I feel so horrible, I want to go along with these urges. I dont even know what to think anymore.

Before, when I felt this way, I could talk to some of my friends and they would help me feel better. Most of these friends either arent available, or wont talk to me.

I really dont want to kill myself. Im afraid that I will though. I should mention that I am schizophrenic/depressed/paranoid, and have been this way for two years. I have a history of suicide attempts.

I've been on too many meds to count. My therapists keep giving up on me. Im just a burden to everyone around me. I cant help but think that everyone would rather I was gone.

What should I do? idk what to think anymore.

Answer 1

You should talk to someone who will listen. Call a suicide helpline like the nation suicide line 1-800-SUICIDE.

Please talk to someone right away.

Answer 2

Hello trainboy765,I see a positive undertone in your expresssion.The fact that you said "seriously i dont really want to kill myself." You are perhaps depresssive and tend to accept that as a way of life.The fact that you mentioned having suicide attempts and therapy points to the gravity of the situation.The truth of the matter is that the therapist,friends and others around you could really help but no one else can lift you out of this situation than your very self.some suicidal tendencies may run a history on schizophrenic family,but if you as an individual is determined to get out of the situation you sure can.Get to reprogram your though pattern.The gift of life is one of the most precious gifts of nature and you cannot affort to gamble with it in attempting to take your own life.When next these thought pattern comes up replace them with love for your life ,love for other people,love for all the wonderful things you can do with your life.remember that there are millions of people around the world who would love to be like you,or even love to be where you are.Cherish and appreciate every moment of your life,for it is a valuable gift of nature.set some new goals for yourself.Look beyond where you are right now and see what you possibly can do for the people who are not as privilege as you are.Some people around you have no homes,they sleep on the street,you sure can do something about it no matter how small.see your precious life as golden and us it to help the less opportuned.Think of what great things you can do for yourself or a friend around you to get to a higher level.Take a new course,learn new trade,learn to play the instrument you have been wanting all this time. Next time when that suide though want to play games on your precious life,turn around and say to it "sorry suicide look for somewhere else,I am a new creatures working towards higher levels."

Answer 3

This almost sounds symptomatic of OCD coupled with depression. One form of OCD (Pure O) gets focused on macabre, dark thoughts though the person may have no intention to act on them.
Try talking to a family doctor for a breath of fresh air from therapists.

Answer 4

you need to start thinking positive. make a gratitude list everyday, things you are grateful for, then go work at the mission, help someone that is worse off then you. get up and out, if u sit there and keep doing what ur doing, ur gonna keep getting what ur getting

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Go to a good psychiatric hospital. You need time to focus on you and unwind. Let them think for you.