At what age should a father stop helping his daughter with a bath?

Question

My daughter lives with her father full time we are fighting for custody he was still bathing her a six years old and every weekend i would tell her u need to tell your dad you can wash yourself so i think now she is not sure though he does still wash her hair.Here i let her wash herself and her hair and help if needed but she does a good enough job i don't have to help.Well i kinda intervened one day with my husband and his daughter she is four and told him she is perfectly capable of washing herself because she does it when my daughter is here so he lets her do it now.So i guess my question is am i too sensitive about this in thinking the dads should back off at a certain age with the whole bathing and seeing their girls naked?I don't even let them come out of the bathroom without their nightgowns because i think it is inappropriate and it will lead to unhealthy teenage relationships if there are no boundaries.

just wanted to add some details to the situation,I have in a very calm manner asked my ex husband to stop bathing and washing her hair his response was to ignore me.I told him she was capable of doing it herself I did not attack him or accuse him of anything.So i don't know if he stopped or not i don't think he does it because hes perverted he is real controling person who doesn't want her to grow up.I was referring to my current husband and his daughter with another woman he was just babying her to much and she washes herself when i am in the room now but still wants her dad to dress her and dry her off but he encourages her to do it herself so she does we leave the door open with her and check on her because she is only four.

Answer 1

At 6, they can probably bath themselbves, but at 4, they still need help. If you don't want your hubby bathing the 4 year old, then you should be doing it.

Answer 2

I'm not sure. I had two sons, that are now grown and gone, and we took showers together until they were about...well I can't remember the age. What I do remember is them knocking down the door to get in and play in the shower. We use to tease each other about the "drain monkey" coming up to get you.

I now have two daughters, one three and the other is a 12 month old "preemie". I still take showers and play in the tub with my three year old. The one yr old can't really do that with her having a tracheotomy.

I'm very involved with all of my children. My wife says to not worry about taking showers or baths with our daughter because, her father didn't spend much time with her and her sister, and she wishes that she had a dad like me. She says that by having a secure relationship with my daughters, that I will help keep them out of sexual trouble when they get older and they will not be so dependent on having a boyfriend (or something like that).

So, I guess I'll know when the time comes.

I will say this though; I remember wanting to take a bath with my dad one time when I was very young. The reason I remember is because it was made into a big deal...as if it was wrong or something. I don't think that's a good approach.

Yes, there are a lot of weirdo’s out there, but you should know the person that's the father of your children. I mean, you chose to have sex with him knowing full well the consequences (i.e., baby). Right?

So, didn't you get to know this person before you had sex with him?

You should know him. If you allowed him to be your children's father, then you should know that he is a good dad.

If he is not, then why did you allow him to father your children?

Answer 3

5 or 6

Answer 4

They need to understand boundaries but some things are practical too. i.e. If you are covered with a towel, you won't drip water and you are covered.

He may be worried. Perhaps you could not let this get too adversarial, by suggesting that the girls might want the reassurance of his being close to the door if they get soap or shampoo in their eyes (and so they don't drown). My daughter developed some pretty interesting habits when she was allowed complete freedom. Filled the bath full and then went underwater and held her breath for as long as she could. They still need monitoring, especially at four.
She needs to wash her own genitals etc. Yes, you are being too sensitive. They will likely develop there own sense that Dad is a guy and they want privacy. Is there no other female in his house to assist?

Answer 5

I think that today there's a lot of "do gooders" who think that every man is a pedophile, and it's kinda sad. Yes, there are a lot around, but when people assume that a father is perverted because he's assisting his daughter in the bathroom it's a little out of hand. Around 6 or 7 she should be able to bathe herself, but until about 7 or 8 it's probably good to have parental supervision just to make sure that she's not in any danger, or just to wash their hair.

Answer 6

That's a tough question to answer. The child should be able to wash herself and may only need help with her hair at that age. It depends so much on the individual child. Does she need reminders to wash herself properly? My niece at 7 still needs a parent to adjust the shower or bath temperature. I'm not sure there is a problem with a father seeing his 6 year old daughter naked. I don't think there is a way to avoid it if he is a single parent.

He may be assisting her too much. If she is able to do these things on her own, he should be encouraging that. Maybe he just doesn't know that she can wash herself and wash her own hair.

Now that I read you question a second time, it seems that the issue was resolved when you told him she could wash herself. Is there still a problem?

Answer 7

I think if you are genuinely concerned about this and how it might affect your daughter developmentally - you should point your ex in the direction of some clinical studies that will back up your assertion.

It doesn't sound like you too concerned that there is anything "too weird" going on here - -but due to the loaded nature of custody battles - your concerns may come across as an "attack"..

perhaps you can have your lawyer mention it to his lawyer, with the stipuatlion that this has noting to do with the custody battle and will be left out of it - this is strictly for the benefit of the child.

and yes, I think 6 is probably too old - BUT PLEASE, don't let this become part of the custody battle!

Answer 8

Tough question. First off, NO! YOU ARE NOT BEING TOO SENSITIVE ABOUT THIS ISSUE! We, as a society cannot be TOO sensitive about the well-being or our children! Going out on a limb, I'd say that when a child, girl or boy, reaches an age where they are cognizant of the difference between genders, then it is probably time for the parent/guardian of the opposite gender to give their child personal privacy, in so far as this is possible,i.e.: as when there is parent/guardian, an older sibling or a trusted adult or the same gender to assist this child with his/her needs.( I realize your question is directed toward father-daughter, but I wanted to address mother-son,as well, as such situation is also common ground.)

Answer 9

Our son is five.
He wants to wash himself...although he doesn't do too good a job.
My wife and I swap off washing him.
I see nothing wrong with your ex-husband washing his own daughter.

However, if you have any proof that he is showing any sign of perverting his authority as a parent, then it is naturally right for you to intervene on behalf of your daughter.

But at this point, it sounds as if you and your ex-husband are in need of some serious counseling to set ground rules.
Do NOT (repeat: DO NOT) use your daughter in any way to hurt your ex.
You will regret it later when your daughter learns the truth of this kind of manipulation.
And for the record, I am speaking from experience.

Answer 10

I think you may be overreacting a little bit. Each child is different and some kids can bathe themselves earlier than others. But the insinuation you are making that he is bathing your daughter and he shouldn't be because she is 6 is a little weird. If you had a son and he was 6 but you felt he needed help in the bath, would it be wrong for you as his mother to bath him because you are a female?
Sounds like your phobia of nakedness could cause more problems for your children than anything else. My mother was like you and let me tell you - it didn't help things when I became a teen, if anything I was more curious about nakedness and sexuality since I had been taught it was "wrong" or something that was shameful. Lighten up and stop trying to make your hubby out to be a bad parent because he isn't.