I think I that my spouse has a personality disorder. How do I approach this subject ?

Question

My spouse suffers from severe mood swings, has little to no sleep most of the time, is extremely emotional (either too sad or has some rage issues), complains of terrible nightmares when he does sleep, and has even told me he has another "him" that is constantly trying to affect his choices and personality. This was said at a time where he seemed very open to speak to me, but these moments are few and far between. I have expressed that I believe he should see "someone" as an avenue to getting him some help. My husband quickly reacted negatively when I suggested he see someone. This issue affects our marriage ( I am constantly walking on egg shells to avoid conflict), and our two small children. Am I being too paranoid? I began anti-anxiety meds this year as an avenue for me to cope with this situation...but maybe I'm just over-reacting. I would really love some advice from people who are professionals or from those who have been through something similar. Thanks.

Answer 1

dont do any thing gust devorce him

Answer 2

You have started taking anti-anxiety meds to help you cope. I wonder how are you helping your children to cope? If your husband has rage issues, are you or your children in danger? Keep in mind accidental dangers as well. If you or your children are in danger you might want to leave him. My father had "rage issues" when I was a child (I imagine that he still does) and I can remember jumping out of the way of flying objects, running from the room because he was having a temper tantrum, and walking on egg shells constantly. That is no way to grow up.

If your husband in unwilling to seek treatment, perhaps having you move out of the house will help to change his mind. Right now he doesn't need to make a change. He has his family. It might take losing them for him to change. Your move doesn't have to be permanent, you can decide that at a later date.

Most children feel safe at home. I never realized that until one of my classmates said it during a class discussion. I certainly never felt safe at home.

Answer 3

Having lived with someone just like this and also feeling like I was "walking on eggshells" all the time for 14 years, my advice would be to leave him. I also stayed beyond when I should have left because I had two small children, but ultimately its not good for them. Although the divorce has been hard on my children, in the long run I think they are better off because they now have stability when they are with me, instead of one parent who is raging and the other who is "walking on eggshells trying to appease the raging parent". Now, although they have to put up with him some of the time, the majority of the time they are with a parent who is stable and solid and they have real security for the first time in their lives. Just remember - its not always the best thing for the kids to stay in the marriage. Reading your message sent shivers down my spine - you are describing how I felt for so long and although you might feel like you love him and should try to make it work, your first priority should be to take care of yourself and your children. If you are having to take meds, you have a problem that you should seriously think about addressing (I also took meds for some time).

Answer 4

Sounds like potential childhood trauma. Is he on medication now? If not, a medical doctor can get him started on anti-depressant medication. He may be hesitant to see someone (psychiatrist) due to issues with pride or the stigma of having had to visit a shrink in the first place. Benzodiazepines such as Xanax can help him relax because anti-depressant medications can take up to 4 weeks to work. If you feel that you or your kids are in physical danger and he won't help himself, get out. You will need to confront him in the presence of family so he will not feel alone. He may be suffering from borderline personality disorder as well. I'm not a doctor, just trying to help. Find Peace.

Answer 5

Have an intervention. Tell his family what is going on and have them ALL confront him about it. Make him see that he is having problems and needs to get help. He is probably bipolar. Normal one minute, nutzo the next. Or... Slip some of your anti anxiety meds into his food. If he calms down, then he is bipolar for sure. Those meds are VERY Similar to the meds they give bi polar disorders. If all else fails, give him an ultimatum and stick with it. Tell him to get help, or you and your kids are leaving. DONT LET YOUR KIDS WITNESS THE INTERVENTION, or his demise... that will traumatise kids if they know their daddy is sick or not well.

Answer 6

Your situation sounds oh so familiar to me...my husband was a user (cocaine), alcoholic, severe mood swings, rage/sweetness, lost his job, disappear for days, no appetite, insomnia...this has went on for the last 3 yrs. He finally went into treatment (in & out of places over the last year)...he was diagnosed as bi-polar/schizophrenia/depression...his final diagnosis (just recently) is manic schizo. If you would like further details/information or just want questions answered or someone to bounce questions off of, please feel free to contact me. I HAVE been through it and it IS hell. You mentioned that you are taking meds now...make sure you take care of you thorugh all of this. Hope some of this has helped, stay strong.

Answer 7

Your husband has what is called border line personality disorder. You can do a few things: get counseling, read books about it, and/or consider divorce if he remains unwilling to receive help.

If he will go, medication and counseling can help ameliorate his symptoms, but - for now - he is always "right" and you are wrong. He sees everything in black and white, there are no grey areas with him.

When you are tired of the abuse and emotional rollercoaster, you will do something. He is sick and needs help.

Realize this - it won't just "get better" with time.

Answer 8

Sounds to me you really love your husband. I sense the concern in your question. I would suggest a therapist with him. Co-hearse him into going as a couple. Your husband sounds Bi-polar, which can be very dangerous. I'm not a therapist, yet I'm qualified enough to know he has some mental disorder. Only a professional can treat his problems.

Answer 9

I know a lady who acts just like this!! She has bipolar. Then again, I know others who this is just there personality!! Maybe he is extremely stressed, or even depressed!! You know him well enough to determine the cause!! If there is a cause such as family life, work, friends, get down to it and try to elimate the stressor!! if this does not work then seek the assistance of a professional!! Personality disorders are often noticeable, such as Antisocial (Charles Manson) or split personality, Schiophrenic (John Nash). Try asking him, if he can't open up to his wife, who can he open up to?

Answer 10

It's very common for a spouse to take meds to cope with the other. No one wants to believe that they have a problem. Try asking for him to go with you, because YOU are having difficulties. I tried this with mine and he went twice already. If after talking to him the doctor thinks he needs meds, then you will have someone to back you up. If he won't take the meds tell him that you have to leave him and mean it. If he doesn't care about himself, how can he care about you or your family?

Answer 11

My completely amateur diagnosis is bi-polar disorder.

If he won't get help and you have to take anti-anxiety meds to be around him, then you need to give him the ultimatum. Get help or else. You may have to wait for one of the "open moments" you mentioned, but you're going to have to do it. Your children may not be in physical danger, but you do NOT want them to think that this is the way a marriage works.