Im bored anyone got any sick jokes?

Answer 1

You wrote sick so you have no right to be offended lol.


Boyfriend and Girlfriend going at it on the top bunk bed. Now the boy's little brother is in the bottom bunk sleeping. They soon realise that they better shut up before they wake him up, and avoid any embarrassing excuses.

They quickly decide to make up a code.

If they say 'Tomato' then it means you want it harder.

It you say 'Lettuce' then it means you want to change position.

So, as you can imagine, it was: lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, and so on.

This goes on for a while, but then the little boy wakes up! He says to them:

Can you stop making sandwiches please. You have split the mayonnaise all over my head!

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What do you think?!

Answer 2

not a joke just a funny poem:


One Payday Mr. Peanut wanted a Bit O'Honey, so he took Mary Jane behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue. He began to feel her Mounds. That was pure Almond Joy. It made her Tootsie Roll. He let out a Snicker as his Butterfinger went up her Juicyfruit and caused a Milky Way. She screamed Oh Henry as she squeezed his Peter Paul and Zagnuts. Mary Jane said "You are even better than the Three Musketeers." Soon she was a bit Chunky and nine months later had a Baby Ruth.

Answer 3

This is the killing joke.

Once there were two guys living in an insane asylum, and they didn't like living in an insane asylum any more, so they decided they were going to break out.

So, that night they hid until after 'lights out' in their ward, and sneaked all the way to the top of the stairs and out onto the roof. There, they could see the lights of the city spreading away beneath them. If there was just some way they could get over to roof of the adjoining building, which was the same height, they cold go down the stairs to the street and get out. They would be free!

So, one guy took a tremendous running jump and landed safely on the roof of the adjoining building. He was free!

"Come on!" he told his friend."You can do it! It's easy!"

But his friend was scared. He didn't have the nerve.

"Wait a minute," said the first guy. "I've got an idea. I have my flashlight in my pocket. I'll turn it on and lay it on the edge of the roof here. The beam will reach over to the roof you're on, and you can WALK across on the beam!"

And the second guy said, "You must think I'm CRAZY! YOU'D turn it OFF when I was HALFWAY across...!"

good joke. everybody laugh. roll on snare drums. curtain.

Answer 4

Two guys were sitting on the steps. One was crying, the other was laughing. Both were covered in vomit.
a third guy came along and asked what happened. The crying guy tells him that someone just came by and vomited all over them.
"I can see that' said the 3rd guy, "and I can understand why you're crying - but why is your friend laughing?"
"Because he got all the big pieces" said the guy.

Hey, you wanted sick...

Answer 5

Put a blind man in a circular room and tell him his dinner is in the corner

Answer 6

2 girls walking past a flower shop,one says"oh god theres my fella buying me flowers"the other says"don't you like flowers?"1st one says "sure, but he always expects something when he buys me flowers, and I don't fancy lying on my back for the next few days" 2nd girl says"Have'nt you got a vase??"

Answer 7

hmmmm. Nope

Answer 8

how do u know when a blonde is having a bad day?


her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

Answer 9

ye. what do you call an anorexic with thrush????? a quarter pounder with cheese!!! what`s got 2 legs and bleeds??????? half a dog!!!!!

Answer 10

no sorry had enough of sick stuff 2night