I know a female who has lost everything since she became involved and married to this guy. She never goes out to enjoy herself. They have a family together but he refuses to work but perfers to sell drugs so he does. He smokes w**d and insists that she's cheating (she has been 100% faithful)! On many occassions he has been suspect for cheating. This guy never has any money and when ever she asks for him to come up with money to make ends meet he can never do it. (They almost got evicted for being short of rent money which he had but spent on w**d). She has now bad credit, repossed vehicle, behind on rent, license messed up and worried about him. I am tired of being a onlooker and cofidant for her but it seems dispite my advice she choses to put up with it! I understand they have 2 children together but what would you do......................?
2006-08-21 09:12:23 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
she pays all the bills, he sleeps on the couch, and she borrows money and her mother's car from her mother all the time. Just when we think she's going to use the borrowed money or vehicle for herself she uses it to drive him around or buy him w**d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-21 09:14:25 · update #1
He is a loser
She has low self-esteem and believes that he's a good guy deep down and she'll turn him around
She's deluded
2006-08-21 09:20:08 · answer #1 · answered by drsteve362005 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as an ex addict he's doing more than selling w**d. When I did I had all kind s of money until i started doing other stuff. It was all down hill from there.Just got out of prison 3 years sales and posses ion. clean and sober now. there's no where for them to go .Either she dumps him and goes on with her own life or he has to get some serious help. And that doesn't always work right away if at all.The only options are death or the jail house.Bump the credit and the material things .They can be fixed and re placed.It's the kids and all of their lives she should worry about . It's not a joke out there any more.
2006-08-21 09:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by cindarella 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is a glutton for punishing HERSELF. He has the best of both worlds...he doesnt work and gets his bills paid. Your friend is being weak and acting stupid because I know she knows her situation will only get worse until/unless SHE does the right thing and gets away from this no -good loser. A drug dealer who has no money. The money probably goes to some other woman. I also question her parenting skills...why would she want to raise her children with a loser and a fool dealing in drugs. Does she not think the innocence of her and her children will be taken into consideration when fools or police come to her house looking for that fool. She needs to get a dam grip before she loses something she can't gt back.
2006-08-21 09:27:35 · answer #3 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her mother needs to tell her no. It is a hard thing to do, but you guys have to help her by making her under stand that you guys aren't going to help her because she won't help herself. Now if the kids need something or she asks to barrow money because the kids need it say NO, I will go buy what the kids need you just tell me what they need. That will put a stop to some of the mess. Now about the w**d thing, I would tell her that if she doesn't get her **** together that you and or someone else is going to get involved and do something about the children being in or around that stuff. It may hurt her feelings and she may get mad but she will come to her since and think about her life. If she doesn't clean her act up and kick this guy to the curb, then someone needs to help those kids, because the kids don't deserve that.
The only reason I'm saying this is because I was there once before and I was told by important people in my life that if i didn't clean up my act and get rid of him I was going to lose my children. Let me tell you no man is worth losing your children.
2006-08-21 09:34:23 · answer #4 · answered by piperandfrog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs a boost in self confidence.. I take it she does not value herself, I have a daughter like this and she alwyas goes for the losers because "thaye make me feel good and take care of me". BS. They don't work and just lay around all the time. All you can do is be her friend. Telling her to get away will never work. If you can show her how to get ahead on her own and love herself first, it would be a good example. Then she can start expecting nothing but the best and settle for no less> The next thing is for people to stop lending her anything, that just enables her to help the idiot. They must stop today. Good luck to you --and her!! Gary
2006-08-21 09:21:55 · answer #5 · answered by gary t 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She could put up with it for a lot of reasons. Apparently though her sense of self worth is about zero or she wouldn't put up with it. She may be afraid of being alone, some women are, so they fail to see that what they have is just making their lives a lot harder than they would be if they left the guy. Her children are actually being hurt by this not helped. She is NOT being a good mother by keeping them in this situation. She probably doesn't have any idea that there is better out there or that she deserves better and until she comes to believe that she won't go anywhere.
2006-08-21 09:21:54 · answer #6 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's definitely on a "self destruct" course! She can't be "happy" in that situation? I'm sitting her making up reasons why she is there, I can't tell you why! You've given me allot of reasons why she should leave! If she's waiting for him to change he's not going to and by staying there she's giving him a way to continue what he's doing! She owes it to her children, if she's not thinking of herself! How are these kids going to grow up? They're learning by what they see! This is "her" life you said you've talked to her and she refuses to listen. This is what she wants, until "she's" ready to leave there's probably nothing anyone can say or do that would change her mind! It's always the children that will be hurt in the end, that's sad! Just keep being there for her and maybe someday when she's had "enough" she'll come to her senses and leave with her children! Be her friend , cause god knows she needs one!
2006-08-21 09:47:01 · answer #7 · answered by noditz57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, all I can say is life is a choice! To be or not to be like Shakespear said. Ive made that choice before to be in a very mentally abusive relationship so its not like I'm just saying this and never had one iota of experience. Its a self esteem issue going on with your friend. One fine day she may get tired of it and leave. In fact I'm sure she will but it just may take some time. Low self esteem usually takes awhile to come back. Sometimes it never does and women stay in this type of relationship for their whole lives. But remember one thing: Only she can remover herself from that situation-you cannot!!! Just be their for her but do not get into their business or you'll end up being the "Bad Guy" and get in the middle of their fights. And don't think they don't fight either. Its real common in this kind of abusive situation. All you can do is just watch, sorry but that's all you can do my friend.
2006-08-21 09:28:26 · answer #8 · answered by soniaatcalifornia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that. I finally saw the light and kicked him out. My bank account is a lot fuller now.
She's just going to have to find out the hard way. If you say something, you might push her closer to him and that's the last thing you want to do. Just be there for her when/if she finally does come around.
Make sure when she does leave him that she files a restraining order on him. I regret not doing that. If she does that, he'll have a real hard time getting any kind of rights to the kids. The kids definitely don't need to be around him.
2006-08-21 09:23:03 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the kids out of the house for a while and sit down with her and tell her to straighten it up! She needs to leave him, if only just to show him how much he needs to grow the H ell up. Besides she getting a lot more stressed out then she should be getting and those kids don't need to be around that. If all else fails call the cops on him when he goes to buy weed or if he smokes it in the house with those kids around. Bottom line get him away from those children.
2006-08-21 09:22:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you may think that it's all his fault, but that may not be so. He is a huge pig/jerk/idiot/everything else bad, but she IS the one who stays with him through all that. If you want to stop observing and start helping, the best thing to do would be to get her to see how stupid she is being by staying with him and giving up her dignity for that loser. Guys like him rarely change, so if someone makes a change for the better, it will have to be her, no matter how many kids they have had together. Think of the negative effect he is having on his kids' development...getting them out asap would be the best thing to do. Where can they go? Maybe you could offer her a room or two till she gets back on her feet? But really try talking to her and making her understand that he is not going to change, and that she HAS to get out of there, get her life back, and save her kids from becoming like him! She's gonna need lots of support, a shoulder to cry on, and a friend to stay by her through thick and thin, no matter which decision she makes. If you can be that person, it will make a world of difference for her!
I really hope this helps and that things turn out for the better!
2006-08-21 09:30:16 · answer #11 · answered by peakfreak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋