2006-08-21 09:07:11 · 7 answers · asked by position28 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
1. After helping his client, a sweet little old lady, with her will, the lawyer brought up the subject of payment.
The little old lady proceeded to put three hundred dollar bills on the table. The actual fee was only $100.
The lawyer was faced with a deep ethical dilemma: Should I tell my partner?
Ok, here's another one, taken from a book of lawyer jokes (which my family kindly gave me before I headed off to law school):
2. A contracts law professor asked one of his best students: "If you wanted to give someone an orange, what would you say?"
The student answered: "Here's an orange."
Infuriated, the professor exclaimed "No, no, no! Think like a lawyer!"
After a second, the student responded: "I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, and advantages thereof and in, said orange, together with all its rund, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze, and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without pulp, juice, rind, and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."
:)
3. Ok, I have another one...
Why do we have laws prohibiting lawyers from having sex with their clients?
To stop lawyers from billing their clients for the same service twice!
2006-08-21 09:16:44 · answer #1 · answered by Jimmy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There was a young man trying to raise funds for the United Way. He went to solicit funds from a very popular attorney.
Mr. Stevens he said, I am here for the United Way foundation and I did some research and found that you have never given to any charity and we would be honored if we were the first. My research shows how prominent you are. This would be great opportunity to give back to the community.
Well, did your research show that my mom is in a nursing home, being taken care of by nurses that don't give a crap. Did it show that my sister's husband left her w/four little kids,no home,no job and no place to go? Did it show that my brother's house burned down leaving him a widower to raise 6 kids by himself?
Feeling ashamed that he asked for the money, the young man apologized, I'm sorry sir, I didn't realize you and your family had gone through so much.
Well, I have, and if I haven't done anything for any of them, what in the hell makes you think I'm going to give you any money....
2006-08-21 16:24:22 · answer #2 · answered by maria f 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. The lawyer thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he's sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputies expense.
Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What for?" Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign" Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not, you let me go and don't give me a ticket." Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
2006-08-21 16:24:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Damn, there is so many. 50 lawyers in the bottom of a lake....good start. Why a shark will not eat a lawyer?..Professional
courtesy
2006-08-21 16:17:31 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the difference between a lawyer, and a catfish?
Well, one of them is a scum-sucking bottomfeeder, and the other one...
...is just a FISH!
2006-08-21 23:30:13 · answer #5 · answered by Joya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's black and tan and looks good on a lawyer...?
A Rottweiler!
2006-08-21 16:49:49 · answer #6 · answered by cdf-rom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont take work home with you, thats advice not a joke.
2006-08-21 16:17:13 · answer #7 · answered by jncc25 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋