2006-08-21 08:26:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
i got one from camp..
a turtle is trying to cross the freeway. take the f outta free and the f outta way. Will he make it across?
Answer: theres no f in way
lmao
2006-08-21 08:37:49 · answer #1 · answered by bonez 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
not a joke just a funny poem:
One Payday Mr. Peanut wanted a Bit O'Honey, so he took Mary Jane behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue. He began to feel her Mounds. That was pure Almond Joy. It made her Tootsie Roll. He let out a Snicker as his Butterfinger went up her Juicyfruit and caused a Milky Way. She screamed Oh Henry as she squeezed his Peter Paul and Zagnuts. Mary Jane said "You are even better than the Three Musketeers." Soon she was a bit Chunky and nine months later had a Baby Ruth.
2006-08-21 09:31:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A ninety-five year old man went to the doctor's and asked for some advice because he was getting married.
"You're getting married?" Asked the doctor, surprised.
"Yes." Replied the old man "And she's only twenty three and a beauty queen. What do you think I should do?"
The doctor smiled knowingly. "If I were you I'd take in a lodger. That's my advice. Now come back and see me in three months time to tell me how you're going on."
Three months later the old man returned.
"How's it going?" Asked the doctor smiling.
"Well that's why I've come doctor. It's the wife. She's pregnant!"
"Very good." Replied the doctor, a knowing grin on his face. "And how's the lodger?"
"Oh," Answered the old man ruefully. " She's pregnant Too!"
2006-08-21 08:51:56 · answer #3 · answered by quatt47 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a
sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home
and Bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's
office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as
on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man
explained:
Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right
hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still
nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her
right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her
mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and
still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and
she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still
nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar
open."
2006-08-21 08:43:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?
2006-08-21 08:40:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
BILLAND HIS BEST FRIEND JAMES,ALONG WITH HIS WIFE, TINA WERE HAVING DINNER AT A RESTAURAUNT...BILL DROPS HIS FORK, AND IT FELL UNDER THE TABLE. AS HE WENT UNDER THE TABLE TO GET HIS FORK, TO HIS SURPRISE, WAS JAMES' WIFE WITH NO UNDERWEAR JUST BEARING IT ALL FOR HIM TO SEE...KNOWING BILL WAS UNDER THE TABLE, TINA SPREAD HER LEGS EVEN WIDER...FLUSHED AND PERSPIRING, BILL GETS UP, EXCUSES HIMSELF FROM THE TABLE AND DIDN'T RETURN.
THE NEXT MORNING, BILL GOT A CALL FROM TINA, SHE ASKED HIM IF HE LIKED WHAT HE SAW "LASTNIGHT" AND OF COURSE, BILL'S REPLY WAS YES! SHE THEN SAID...WELL IF YOU WANT WHAT U SAW, YOU CAN MEET ME WHILE JAMES IS AT WORK TODAY , BUT MAKE SURE YOU BRING ALONG $500.00 AND IT'S ALL YOURS! ANYWAY U WANT IT!
SO BILL GOES OVER HANDS HER THE 500 DOLLARS AND THEY GET INTO 2 HRS OF HOT, STEAMY, ROUHG TO SLOW, SLOW TO ROUGH SEX FILLED WITH UNTHINKABLE POSITIONS. .. SO AFTER THEY FINISH, BILL JUMPS UP AND LEAVES, SINCE JAMES WILL BE HOME IN THE NEXT 15 MINUTES....TINA, FEELING EXHAUSTED, BUT 500 DOLLARS RICHER, TAKES A SHOWER AND AWAITS HER HUSBAND.
AS HER HUSBAND (JAMES) WALKS IN WITH A SERIOUS LOOK ON HIS FACE AND HE ASKS "TINA, WAS BILL HERE TODAY"
FLUSHED AND NERVOUS TINA RESPONDS "UMMM YEAH HE CAME LOOKING FOR U BUT I TOLD HIM U WERENT HERE, WHY??"
JAMES THEN SAYS : "WELL HE PASSED BY THE OFFICE THIS MORNING AND BORROWED 500 DOLLARS FROM ME, AND HE SAID HE WOULD COME BY AND LEAVE IT WITH YOU..."
2006-08-21 09:09:52 · answer #6 · answered by ~*REBORN*~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a guy bought a new cell phone...and one day he went to visit his uncle's....then a friend of his called him on his cell phone...and after his finished the call he said "i wonder how did he know that i'm here" :)))
2006-08-21 08:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by Sheefa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
kermit's finger
2006-08-21 08:37:42 · answer #8 · answered by VetteLeo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋