I'm engaged to a man Im planning to marry next June. last weekend, I discovered that he was invited to a party for a "work colleague" who was going away. As he explained he felt "obligated" to go, but he refused to invite me because the truth was that there was going to be adult entertainment and he didnt want me to know. After many messy arguments, and curiosity from my part, I had to convince him not to go...and this has made me think less of his character and moral sense. Im having a hard time trusting him and getting back to normal as we prepare for this "wedding"....
2006-08-21 08:15:06 · 7 answers · asked by CariNYC 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
When I first started dating my bf he hung around a different group of people than I did. I did not understand why he would go to parties and not take me until one day he sat down and told me it was because those people were not people that he wanted me to be around, because I was much better a person then they were. I was upset until he told me that. We are still together, and there are still some things that he does without me. I say that you should trust him, but sit down and have a heart to heart about why it was wrong to not tell you. Who knows what your response would be unless he asks?
Just because they go see some dancers isnt bad, its what a person chooses to do after that point, but he should not have lied. Me though, I would let him go, and I would trust him. You have no relationship without trust. If he chooses to do something to break that trust, then by all means he wasnt the person for you.
Good luck hon- it is hard sometimes to trust, but you must if you ever want things to work out. If he has never given you a reason before to not trust him, then you should give him trust on this.
2006-08-21 08:42:00 · answer #1 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he did feel obligated to go and didn't tell you because he knew you would get upset?
If he's not the sort who usually goes to strip clubs, I wouldn't worry about him going once in a blue moon. It's not like he picked the entertainment. It's not like he's spending time around strippers when he's not with you. He'll be in a big group, and depending on where they're going, the clubs will have strict rules on what's appropriate and what's not.
I say, trust him. Why not let him go, and ask him to call you ever couple of hours. Also, ask him to restrict how much he drinks, so you know he won't get drunk and do something that'll have an effect on your relationship.
2006-08-21 08:32:22 · answer #2 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's given you no reason to doubt him or not trust him ever - don't worry about it - boys are boys. If it's a work colleague - chances are pretty good that you don't know the person or the other people going and you would feel uncomfortable or out of place there. Try not to look too into and try to let him have some time to himself and friends also. You do need to talk to him about it - b/c as you are thinking less of him for wanting to go (again, boys will be boys) he may be thinking less of you for not wanting him to go. Good luck!
2006-08-21 08:46:41 · answer #3 · answered by Weasel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He didn;t wanted you to know so you would't act the way you are acting now. he knew that you wouldn't understand and make a big deal out of it just like you are doing right now.
Be a grown up, show him your confidence and how much you trust him and tell him that he can go if he wants to, because you love him and trust him and is not a big deal. he will love you for it and know that you are a gem.
Good luck
2006-08-21 08:32:28 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see the problem. He should have asked you if you wanted to go, not just exclude you totally because of the 'entertainment.' Unfortuantely men are always going to be men when it comes to things of this nature.
Good Luck with your nuptuals!
2006-08-21 08:28:52 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess that you need to realize your insecurities. Move on. Try taking him to a strip club...
2006-08-21 08:34:16 · answer #6 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TALK TO HIM AND LET HIM KNOW YOUR THOUGHT VERY CLEARLY...BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG
2006-08-21 08:29:53 · answer #7 · answered by Abraham 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋