Should I worry about cheating?

Question

I am afraid my boyfriend is cheating although I have no real proof. Just a gut feeling. I am worried because people say that is the real way to tell. He has been acting extremely nice and happy to see me lately after we just went through a rough month and a half. He goes out alot and works at night so we usually talk during the day. Therefore, i never know where he is or what he's doing at night. We are moving in together in January and I accidentally found out he was going to propose in December. He told me all of his friends have cheated or still cheat and he is a frat boy. I've never had trust or self-esteem issues before. Should I be worried?

Answer 1

You have my permission to worry about anything you want to.

Answer 2

well what is it that your intuitive self is telling you? Why are you concern that he is cheating due to the fact that he is treating you nice? Remember that trust is the thing which a relationship should be built on. Either believe in him or stop the relationship. Your relationship should be open enough that you could ask the man the question and explain why you are asking him the big Q!!!. Because he is a man doesn't say that he is going to cheat. Besides men are not the only ones who cheat or think about cheating. both parties must make a commitment to the relationship. One other thing sex done by a man outside the relationship does not mean that he is in love with someone else. a lot of times it is just sex. Take a piece of paper fold in half and write on one side the good things about the relationship and on the other side the negatives about the relationship. this may take some time, but the good things should out rack the negatives. The depending on your score , you need to be strong enough to make a decision about what you should do about your relationship and began the process of making changes that are good for you.

Answer 3

You never know. From what you have said you cant tell. But you do need to take more time to figure it out before you move in together! Your gut is usually right! Follow him around a few different nights, see whats going on. Start asking him questions that are on your mind!! Don't beat around the bush. If your afraid to get him mad and that in turn he will leave then you don't need that type of guy anyways! Dig deeper for your answers. Good luck

Answer 4

the extremely nice and happy to see you scenario is positive. however, working at night is not a big deal but him going out a lot could lead to trouble. he should being seeing you at night and not hanging out with his friends so much. since he is a frat boy then it is normal for the guys to hang out but not at bars and mixed situations unless you are with him. seems like at the very least he still has some maturing to do. the gut is usually right but my bet is your gut is reacting on what might happen later. he needs to change his habits helping the relationship to grow.
if he gets upset or tells use the crowding or space issue then you know you have a problem. at the very least he will want his cake and eat it too. try to make it work, don't overreact, be understanding but don't be a door mat.

Answer 5

Yes you should be worried about yourself. You don't want to be with someone, and certainly don't want to marry someone that makes YOU feel like less than you were before you met them and in your case you say you have never had self esteem and trust issues before, that probably means this guy isn't good for you. Please don't marry him until you have this worked out with yourself. Here is some other stuff to think about...

Consider marriage when you have been together long enough to be out of the infatuation stage. When you have discussed ALL the issues involved in life after the wedding like finances, division of household labor, children, in laws, where to live, jobs, time away with friends, and a million other things you haven't thought of. After all of that you consider each part of the vows, and what you consider is the difficult side of them, anybody can be happy when things are going well so,

richer or poorer....still want to be with them in a shack with crackers ala peanut butter for dinner...for the fourth night in a row?

sickness and health...they develop a chronic physical or mental illness and can't get around and can't work, still want to be there?

better or worse...they are in a car accident and you have to spend the rest of your life feeding them and changing their diapers, still want to be married?

keep yourself only to him or her, can you REALLY only have sex with only that person until you die?

THIS is what marriage is, not a fairy tale where everything goes well everyday, the one guarantee you have is that things WILL go wrong. Remember, you answer all these questions after you have passed infatuation, after you know what their bad points are (yes they have some and so do you) and still consider it anyway.

If you think you are up for all of this then maybe you should think about it. Don't forget to consider whether they would stick by you if it was you in any or all of the above scenarios. Check out the question posted here by married people and keep in mind that all of them thought this was the thing to do and the ONE for them when they got married too! There is a book called Lies At The Altar by Dr. Robin Smith, it helps you answer all this and go in to a marriage with your eyes wide open, if you aren't willing to consider all that then what you really want is a pretty ring and a nice party and lots of attention, have them but don't make that a basis for a LIFE. Good luck!

Answer 6

Although I'm a lesbian I can relate. I had no hard proof that I was being cheated on but I had a very strong feeling that I was. Ended up being true.

Everyone is different though so you may or may not be being cheated on. Start following him around to see where he is going and if you find out he is cheating leave him right then and there.

Answer 7

Well first off go with you gut feeling. He might be cheating physical, but he might be cheating in a different way. Trust me i just to be the biggest cheater to my girlfriend. My girlfriend had that same gut feeling but i made her feeling that it was not true. In reality i was totally cheating on her. Also he is pretty much telling you I'm going to cheat, because my friends are cheaters....I had that kind of friends that were all cheaters, then i fell that way. Because i saw how my friend lied to their girlfriends and they belived them....So go with you gut feeling, and you should be worried....Hope this helps you out!

Answer 8

I learned the hard way from my wife's interrogation tactics - basically assume that he already cheated and try to get him to confess. Besides, if he is a frat boy - I doubt that he'll change his ways before or after you are married. If you aren't prepared to deal with his cheating, better to leave the relationship quietly and without further explanation.

Answer 9

Right now you have no real proof so continue to enjoy your relationship. but if any of his actions become questionable plz do not ignore your "gut feeling" or your female intuition because most of the time when our men are cheating, trust me there are always red flags somewhere.

Answer 10

Yes, you should be concerned. Even though he's never been caught, that doesn't mean it hasn't happened. That gut instinct may save you a LOT of heartbreak in the future. You need to do what you can to find out what's going on, even if that means hiring a PI.

Answer 11

Can't guys just be nice guys without girls being suspicious? When did that become a sign of cheating? You're insecure.. your gut is wrong or it's something unrelated to him cheating. Perhaps you've cheated on him and now it's catching up to you.. guilt wise.