ok here is the thing...?

Question

So I have this friend, and she has a daughter that is three months younger than my four year old. We have known each other for around 5 years.

I try to help her. I got her a job were I work, which is hard to do, and she keeps messing up, you know like not doing what her boss asks and not following directions.

Then, I recently did some upgrading and bought my daughter a daybed, which freed up her toddler bed. Since I knew that my friends daughter was sleeping on the floor (YUCK!!) I told her to have her live in boyfriend come and pick up the bed.

She said that he told her it was too far to drive (10 minutes MAX). So I am thinking this dude is SORRY...so I call him and tell him COME GET THE BED OR ITS GONE. He says that they do not have hardly any access to a car. She told me they were borrowing a car but never said anything about not having hardly any usage of it.

So she says I am lying. Now she keep trying to call me and text me. What should I do?

I do not understand why she is trying to make him look bad, call me a liar and such when EVERYONE IS TRYING TO HELP HER!!

I s it wrong to just not say anything to her for a while? I really feel betrayed.

Answer 1

I think instead of being concerned with the friendship because obviously it's being taken advantage of you should concern yourself with the welfare of her child. If this child is sleeping on the floor all the time and they don't have transportation and she can't keep a job this child might be in an unhealthy environment. I don't have a lot of money so I'm not one to judge but the needs of my children come first and since having my child at 17 I've never been without a job and I'll suffer before my child does. I would stop contact with this person because I've been through that as well being taken advantage of, it's hard because you feel guilty for not helping someone when they need it but you cannot save people and they must learn their own way. I would highly suggest you leave her alone and let her lie in the bed that she has made although I would keep on eye on the child...make sure she's taken care of and not neglected because in that case child services should be called. Children don't deserve squalor...

Answer 2

I know what you are going through. My husband and I constantly try to help a family member because her husband won't keep a job, and won't let her get a job and they have four kids. So we give give give. We have even let them live with us (and we have 5 kids of our own.) The funny thing is though whenever we need anything there's always a reason they can't help or act like it's a big inconvenience.

The thing we realized is they are just walking all over us and taking advantage of our generosity. How will they ever learn what they must do for them selves if some one else is always there to do it for them.

You need to be honest with your friend, including concerns over her relationship and the quality of life of her baby and her work performance. She won't like it and yes she'll get mad but some people truly can't see past their own flaws; they need an eye opener. So my suggestion is talk to her about these things then give her some time to reflect on it. If she calls griping just tell her - I understand you are upset and whenever you calm down, you know I will always be here to talk to when you have a problem, but right now I am going to hang up so you can calm down. Then wait it out. If she can't get over honesty you don't need her in your life. It's good to help people but not at the stake of your own happiness.

Answer 3

Your being nice by helping her out, but you can only be nice to someone who is willing to take it, and appreciate it. It doesn't really sound like she is being a good friend. So I think that you should just be honest with her.

Answer 4

gi ve the bed to goodwill and cut this friend loose before she destroys you . both personal and at work

Answer 5

Ur a nice person... she is a betrayer!