She was punished for kicking her brother and runs to her room saying " I don't love you anymore"! I was in tears! How do you teach a 4 year old that words hurt? Punish? Discuss? How to teach her a lesson so she will think twice before saying that again? I have put up with the "your mean" for a while now but this is getting out of control at too young of an age!
2006-08-21 08:00:41 · 21 answers · asked by sunshyne77177 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
At this age they really don't understand anything about words hurting they are just looking for a reaction from you. Let her know that no matter what words she uses you love her but, that you do not like it when she uses hurtful words and she will have a consequence for using hurtful words. You did not let her hurt her brother by kicking and you will not let her hurt you by saying mean things...(example: a time out until she can learn to control her feelings)Let her know it is okay not to like something (example: I don't like being punished ;yet let her know you love her enough to not let her do wrong things and get away with it like hurting other people with her words. )...that's normal but, to say we hate someone is not nice.
2006-08-21 08:16:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok yes the words do hurt, but just remember she is the child and you are the adult, at 4 she maybe does not have the full volcabulary to express her feelings, and simplistically at that moment in time, she doesn't love you... hate and love are the flip sides of each other and a 4 year old will "flip" emotions very quickly. How many times a day you tell her that you love her??? Maybe quietly talk to her on the sofa, saying how sad you where that she hurt her brother, ask her what the argument or reason for the kick was... how would she feel if her brother kicked her? Just keep in mind her age, praise her for the good stuff and try to say you love her at least once a day.... she will use you as an example and slowly she will copy you. She may even be jealous of her brother and attention he gets, so try and give them some special time, just you and them each day.... tough, but hang in there
2006-08-21 08:14:42 · answer #2 · answered by Breeze 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't the last pain your child will cause you. Wait til they calm down then explain how hurt you were. Never lash back out of pain or anger. The lesson will be learned when she realizes your pain, but she's probably going do it again. It is an expression of anger much better than kicking or punching. Teach her it's okay to be angry and both of you can find ways to deal with it. Hitting a pillow might work for a 4 yr old. Standing up tall and screaming.
2006-08-21 08:19:00 · answer #3 · answered by LAUGHING MAGPIE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There precise with it relies upon one on how close and how regularly the youngster sees this individual. A 4 3 hundred and sixty 5 days old gained't completely comprehend the theory of lack of life, nor do i think at that age that it fairly needs to be fairly defined. they basically want to carry close that the man is ill, and is going to bypass away...... or how ever you want to positioned it. i don't believe of taking the youngster to the funeral is a sturdy or healthful environment both. Now the 15 3 hundred and sixty 5 days old is slightly diverse they comprehend what lack of life is. you've were given to describe why and what from, yet then basically listen and answer any questions they might have. And at that age enable them settle on no matter if or not they sense gentle or now to not bypass to the funeral. desire that permits.
2016-11-26 21:38:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in your shoes before with my son. Yes it hurs, bad. I found that when my son said that to me, after I compossed myself and gave him time to think about what he had said and done, I went to him and explained to him that while he may be mad at mommy right now and feel he doesn't love her, mommy would always be there for him and that no matter what I would always love him. I also tried as best as I could, in terms he would understand, to explain that just becaues he got mad didn't mean he could say and do anything he wanted too. There were ways to deal with his anger, and hurting mommy, or anyone else with his words was not the way to do it. It took some time, but he did come to understand that there is a right way and a wrong way to tell someone that you are angry.
2006-08-21 08:35:02 · answer #5 · answered by eeyorehero1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay calm. Your four yr. old is just acting out. If she is used to getting her way and getting what she wants then its going to take a little more time for you to get her to understand that she can't hit or kick on her brother. You need to sit down with her and tell her in a way that she can understand like for example when my four yr. old hits on her older brother we play a game so that I can show her as well as explain to her how wrong it is for her to hit her brother. I also have her to apologize to him after we finish the game. It usually works but after a month or so she will do it again. So you just have to talk to her in a stern voice but with love and you can't give into her just cause she say that she doesn't love you or that you are being mean. Children say things that they hear from other people or their parents so be careful as to what you say around them because they are quick studies. She will listen and you have to be a stronger mother and not let her see you cry because she will try to use that against you. children are very smart and they tend to know what they can get away with even at the ripe age of 4. Stay calm but stay firm in your punishment and she will come around. She is just acting out of anger when she says things like that to you she doesn't mean it. Trust me.
2006-08-21 08:19:30 · answer #6 · answered by sharethalove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sunshyne, the child is 4 and unless you are 12 I don't understand the problem. Many adults say things in the heat of the moment that they don't mean. Children are much worse. She said what she said to get the reaction she got from you. She wanted to hurt you and you bought it. Tell her that you know that she really didn't mean what she said, and that you know that she loves you, because you still love her. Give it some time, She won't even remember it tomorrow.
2006-08-21 08:24:47 · answer #7 · answered by loufedalis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son has said that once before and he is 3. He is smart enough to realize that taking his love away from me would hurt my feelings. They are smarter than we think.
I sat him down and told him that hurt my feelings and no matter what he did, I would never take my love from him.
I told him even when he colors on the walls I still Love him. So when i say no, he should still love me. He can be upset with me, but he should still love me. Even at three years old, he understood and he has never said that too me again.
2006-08-21 08:20:57 · answer #8 · answered by Tammy M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't over-react because she wants a reaction from you. Just say something like, well we still love you or if you feel that way keep it to yourself please. I've tried different methods with my 3 year old daughter when she says stuff like that. I think the best way to handle it is to not act like it bothers you. See if that works. If not then maybe try taking away toys or something when she says it.
2006-08-21 08:10:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, ,done that... when your child tells you they do not love you just look him/her in the eye and say, "That's okay I still love you. , but what you did was wrong and you need some time out. " After saying this a few times to my son, he stopped saying that. If your child knows it hurts you when they say it, they will continue to say it. Give it a shot. I hope it works for you like it did for me.
2006-08-21 08:09:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋