Friends or Ex-Lovers
Does it bother you when you significant other hangs around with all people that they have had sex with in the past? My girlfriend hangs around at bars and IM’s with her guy friends, many of which she has had sex with in the past She says it is innocent and she claims she has no feelings for them anymore. Also, she is hesitant to tell me about these past relationships but past skeletons always seem to pop up and damage our relationship. It just drives me crazy. Am I being unreasonable?
2006-08-21 07:47:54 · 35 answers · asked by LuckyGuy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like you need to dump her for someone who can appreciate all you have to offer. You deserve better than an idiot player girl. Good luck to ya!
2006-08-21 07:53:05 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Saffire♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't being unreasonable. An ex is a thing of the past and he/she needs to stay in the past. Your GF should not be hanging out or having contact with her past lovers. It is disrespectful to you and harmful to your relationship. Also, she shouldn't be hanging out in bars with other man whether they are a past lover or not. That is asking for trouble. She may have something to hide. She might still be sleeping with an ex. All types of scenarios come to mind but all would be speculation. Express your concern calmly and politely...if she values you in her life, she will make the necessary corrections. If she takes you for granted, she will keep doing the same thing. See what happens and then make a decision on what you will or won't accept.
2006-08-21 07:57:03 · answer #2 · answered by intentionalmasterpiece 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you arent being unreasonable but if its the way she does things and you aren't ok with it then perhaps she isn't the girl for you. Do you go to the bars with her? She is probably hesitant to tell you about it because she knows it drives you nuts. I understand you not wanting her to talk to and hang out with guys she has had sex with, but there is a fine line between that and wanting to control her and who she talks to and where she goes. Sounds like you are going to have to decide that you either believe her or you don't.
2006-08-21 07:57:48 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. If this bothers you, I would sit down and talk to her about it. Let her know that it bugs you. Ask her how she would feel if it was you doing the same things. And yes, men and women can have relationships with past lovers, but there is always going to be "something" there between them. whether it is acted on or not. Make and set your boundaries together!
2006-08-21 07:56:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What she did in the past, is the past...no reason it should "damage" your relationship unless it was lied about...also no reason she shouldn't be able to socialize with guys from her past...if you feel you can trust her, and those guys from the past are truly just platonic friends to her now, then there's no issue...
However if she's spending time with them and you're sitting at home, I'd wonder how much potential the relationship really has...where are you when she's hanging out at bars with her guy friends?
2006-08-21 07:55:10 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nope, you have every right to be reasonable. It's normal for you to suspect something, and I mean I would call you crazy if you didnt! I think she has a little intrest in those guys that she was talking to, but just remember, you chose you to be labeled as her boyfriend, not those other guys. If she really wanted to have more sex again with those other guys, then she would of left you a way long time ago. Just talk about how you feel, yes that sounds corny but it helps. =)
2006-08-21 07:57:07 · answer #6 · answered by Kristina K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a word of advice... RUN!
A past sexual relationship needs to be just that... in the PAST! To continue such friendly relationships with these men is just disrespectful of your feelings and how it makes you appear. Hearing of your circumstances, and the fact that it bothers you enough to inquire, tells me that all you are doing is delaying the inevitable. Your relationship with her is doomed to failure.
Sorry I could not be encouraging, but sometimes the best thing to do is to cut your losses and find someone more compatable.
Good luck!
2006-08-21 07:56:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure if you are being unreasonable, but you are being jealous and untrusting.
Has your girlfriend ever given you reason not to trust her?
The foundation of any real relationship is trust, otherwise what good do the words "I Love You" mean if you don't trust that they really mean it.
However, if perhaps your girl has not let go of her past it is time for you to move on, because it is possible she never will.
2006-08-21 07:55:18 · answer #8 · answered by Mick 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
great question!!! i've got self belief it takes a multitude of discipline to no longer bypass the line with somebody you already know might nonetheless % you. incredibly once you probably nonetheless have thoughts for that individual. working occasion: My boyfriend and that i've got been at the same time for 4 years. A 3 hundred and sixty 5 days and a a million/2 in the past we took a break from one yet another and that i dated yet another guy quickly for 3 months. in this time span I grew to love the recent guy and we had the main astonishing cases at the same time. although, finally i began out to interrupt down and omit my previous boyfriend and that i quickly after went returned with him and tried to miss the recent guy. I refused to speak to him for a 300 and sixty 5 days on the same time as i attempted to "heal". recently he stumbled on me on MySpace and we chat widespread, yet I dare no longer see him in individual. i think the temptation may well be too great and that i might quickly discover myself as quickly as returned juggling adult males without constructive lead to sight. I'n uncertain if i will ever be waiting to ascertain him returned. He became into an quite influencial individual in my existence an I nonetheless love him dearly. (damn, there is not any trouble-free answer for this question!) in basic terms attempt to stay with your coronary heart. that's what i'm doing. good success.
2016-10-02 09:06:19 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its never a good idea to cling to exes - i have learned this lesson the hard way. i used to be a bit like that and it got me into so much trouble. love the one your with i say
even tho she says its innocent BELIEVE me, its an ego boost to her. shes loving the attention and the feeling that others shes had in the past still want her....... its sad and childish (i know!!)
id put my foot down and if she wont stop then ditch her and make sure you are not one of the exes shes in touch with......
she should feel comfortable enough to realise that its YOUR job to boost her ego not an ex
2006-08-21 07:59:32 · answer #10 · answered by clairejoolz78 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I understand completely. If you have told her that it bothers you and she hasn't stopped, then maybe she doesn't really care of certain things ruin your relationship or not. I mean, some people are just like that. They are so set in their ways that you can't say anything to them. It's awful. Maybe if she doesn't quit doing those things, you should move on to someone who will be more understanding and faithful to you.
2006-08-21 07:56:40 · answer #11 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋