What is the funniest joke you've ever heard?

Answer 1

I read one yesterday that way hilarious...

A man and woman are in a line in the grocery store. The man is holding a bag of Dog Chow. The lady asks "Do you have a dog?" The man says "No, I'm on the new dog chow diet. Last time I lost 50 pounds before I ended up in the hospital with tubes and wires everywhere. Turns out that Dog chow has all the essential vitamins you need and it curbs your appetite."

The woman is shocked and says "Did it poison you? Is that why you were in the hospital?

The guy says "Nope, I was sitting in the street licking my b*lls when a car hit me."

LMAO

Answer 2

It's not the funniest but it's better than what I've read up there.
A little girl walks into a pet shop.
Assistant: may I help you?
Girl: I'm looking for a wittle hamster
Assistant: aw, do you want a brown wittle hamster or a yewoh wittle hamster
Girl: I don't think Mr. snake minds very much.

Answer 3

Little kids in second grade at a Catholic school had just finished six weeks of intensive lessons learning how to spell. It just happened that the bishop was going to visit the class the next day to see if the kids' spelling had improved. So the nun who taught the class said, "Today, we'll rehearse for when the bishop visits us tomorrow. When I get to your desk, just like the bishop will do,you stand up, state your name, spell a word, and sit down". Everything is going great until she gets to a little kid in the back of the room. He gets up,and says"My name is Jesus Christ Mahoney, and the word I'm gonna spell is cat C-A-T" and he sits down. The Sister says "Uh, Mahoney, I think it would be best if you said, 'My name is J.C. Mahoney and the word I'm gonna spell....."

"O.K., Sister. No sweat."

So the next day the bishop comes in, works his way around the room, each kid does just great, and the Sister isreal proud of her students.. He gets to Mahoney, who stands up and says," My name is J.C. Mahoney,and the word I'm gonna spell is aluminum. The Sister screams, "JESUS CHRIST, I thought you were gonna spell CAT"
And the bishop says, Well GODDAM, if he wants to try aluminum, let him try it.

Answer 4

There r many but try this one:-

TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and
escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the
middle of the screen." Now type the letter "p" to bring up the
Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a "p".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT" "p" on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "On my key board??!! No I'm not going to do that!"

Answer 5

A chinese guy, a mexican guy and an american guy is in a boat. The boat springs a leak and the guys have to throw things out the boat to keep it from sinking. the chinese guy throws out a bag of rice and says "we have plenty of that in my country". the mexican guy throws out a sombrero and says "we have plenty of these in my country". so the american grabs the mexican and throws him off the boat, looks at the chinese guy and says "we have plenty of those in my country"

Answer 6

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?




-A pizza doesn't scream when one sticks it in an oven! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

Answer 7

Good one, 2 hot 4 u. Got any more? you get my vote for best answer...

Answer 8

some one tickled me it is the funniest joke for me .....

Answer 9

yo momma's teeth so yellow i cant believe is not butter, that was my favorite kiddy joke =D

Answer 10

A man divorced a woman...............










































.........and she lived happily ever after.