How do you cope with people that you just cannot stand?

Question

I was brought up to be very honest and if that if you did not like someone then do not be false/make an effort with them.

I am finding that this is not really working as an adult as it comes across as being aggressive/childish.

Anyone any tips with handing people who really get under your skin?

Thanks in advance.

I wish I did not have to pick just one good answer as they are all great.

I would like to say a big thank you to each and everyone of you who took time to answer.

I will take your comments on board.

Thanks! =)

Answer 1

Take a long, deep, breath and try and clear your mind. In situations like this if you study your thoughts when you're around these people, you'll find that your mind is running away with itself coming up with all sorts of stories about these people and your relationship with them. If you manage to stop yourself and notice them, then the weight these thoughts carry tends to lift a little and you can start to let them go. Just remember that your enemies can only do you physical harm, harm that comes from thoughts and feelings can only come from yourself.

Answer 2

I have exactly the same opinion as you. For an example I have a neighbour who I put up with for one year before I finally cracked. She was always complaining how she couldnt' afford to live on the benefits she was getting (even though she gets everything free), and she was always sending her son around mine to play every day and it got too much so in the end I just ignored her. I know it sounds aggressive and unfriendly but my god it's bliss! If you are friendly to the people you like then who cares if you make a few enemies along the way?! There is no good way to deal with people like that. You just have to be blunt. I have loads of good friends and no false ones!

Answer 3

What an interesting question! I was brought up exactly like you and used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and talk to them.

Not now thought and I am a middled aged woman now.

I have been a bus driver for 13 years now and my views towards the public have changed. A lot of people I cannot stand now, cos they just stare at me.

Answer 4

Are you an American working in the UK? I can't help thinking back on a workshop I attended on cross-cultural communication. Generally, Americans tend to call a spade a spade and Brits are ambiguous in their conversations, hence they struggle to understand each other's stereotypes. I don't know what your working situation is, if you work in a multi-cultural environment etc. Perhaps it would help you to understand their culture and hence, what makes them tick. Perhaps then you will have a better grasp on how to handle them. The workshop I attended was very interesting, by the way. I can't think off-hand who the speaker was but if you are interested, send me a sign and I will look him up.

Answer 5

hopefully the people that you cant stand are people you have no choice to be with, sometimes it can be family...im the same way honest but i cant stand to hurt someones feelings. you are right about being an adult, it changes the way you see people and you may find specific qualities annoying, you dont have to make an effort ,just be polite and respectful,, it takes practice, but youll feel less stressed. remember the person or people you find hard work probally have no idea that they have annoying qualities

Answer 6

How would you feel if someone was nasty to you because they took a dislike to you? Would you feel it was justified? Shame on your parents, they must be very ignorant and downright spiteful.

There now, how do you feel about that last sentence when I have never met them? Now you know how it feels. Grow up. If you carry on like this, you will either end up alone or end up with someone totally obnoxious, and you will never get far career-wise.

You don't have to like everyone, they dont have to like you, but bad manners and spite are not acceptable in any enviroment.

Answer 7

Just as in life everywhere, there are people who want to bring you
down, to fail. Theyr'e like wild dogs, they want to shred you apart
But the good thing is ....you always have....your dignity, your self-
respect. Don't let anybody tell you what's up. Unless it's good
advise. Otherwise, laugh them off, it pisses them off when their
hatefulness and negative attitude does'nt get to you. They HATE
that !!!! So, go on and still be happy in the knowledge, that they
are totally miserable inside. And you are the happy one !! PS.
you can always change jobs for a better one if you must. Be Good To Yourself !!

Answer 8

Be polite, keep conversations to a minimum, avoid them whenever possible. That said try to remember that no one is ever completely good or bad, and everyone has the potential to change. Someone you hate now could be someone you will later admire- and vise versa

Answer 9

It's not easy. If you can avoid them, great. Otherwise, when in their presence, try to focus on one or two things about them that you can relate to or respect. If you harp on their annoying qualities, you're only hurting yourself.

And yes, I too was raised to be honest and straightforward, and in adult life, you can't always do that. Sometimes you need to just hold your tongue and not say anything at all (another childhood lesson incidentally.)

Answer 10

If you don't like someone just ignore this and make polite conversation. If you don't like them because they are nasty to you or they are a bad person then be sly, be very sly. Be nice to their face but behind their back slip laxatives in their drink, put hair removing cream in their hair products, and write malicious things about them on public walls! ONLY JOKING. If you don't like somebody for a particular reason that's affecting you them pull them to one side for a private word and tell them whats on your mind. If you dislike them for trivial things then it's not fair to upset them over something silly. Just be honest but tactfull