Anyone have any " walks into a bar jokes" ?

Answer 1

yeah...

a guy walks into a bar and says....


"ouch" !



(are you laughing yet?)

Answer 2

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey and sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The monkey jumps off his sholder and starts running around the bar and goes down to the end of the bar and starts eating all of the limons, limes, and cherries. The bartender turns to the guy and say control you monkey. the guy tells the bartender not to worry he will pay for anything the monkey eats or brakes. the bartender says OK and then waches the monky finish all of the drink condaments and then goes over to the pool table and trughs the quee ball in the air and caches it in his mouth and eats it. the guy fininshes his beer and pays for everything grabs his monkey and leaves. The next week he comes in agin and orders a beer the monkey gets down and runs to the end of the bar grabs a cherry and sticks it up his butt then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender asks what is the monkey doing now and the guy replies after last week and the quee ball now he checks the size

Answer 3

A man walks into a bar with his monkey. The bartender says"hello sir wat would you like" the man said he wanted a beer and a cherry. The man drinks the beer and the monkey swallows the cherry whole. the bartender said "wow, thats pretty nifty what else can he swallow whole?" The man the proceeded to give the monkey 2 cherrys and the monkey swallowed them whole at the same time. They went over to the pool table and the monkey swallowed the 8 ball. the bartender was enraged and told them to get out. they come back the next day and the monkey sticks a cherry up his but and eats it. the bartender says "thats disgusting. Why did he do that?" the an relies, "Ever since he ate that 8 ball, he tests everything before he eats is."

Answer 4

4 gays walk into a bar. The bar only has 1 4-legged stool left. How to the gays find a spot at the bar so that they're all comfortable?


Turn the stool upside down and sit 1 on each stool leg

Answer 5

A handsome and athletic looking young man gets down from a limousine and WALKS INTO A BAR with an ostrich. He orders the most expensive drink and throws some cash to the bar tender and sighs.

"Why are you so sad and why do you have this bird?" asked the bartender.

" I was a middle aged man who was walking down the beach and came across a lamp. Upon rubbing it thrice, a genie appeared and agreed to grant me three wishes."

"Then what happened?" asked the bartender.

"First I asked that I become the most dashing looking, healthy man in this world,
then my second wish I asked I want to be the richest man on earth,
then the last wish I asked for was an exotic bird with long legs to share it all with!"

Answer 6

A man walks into a bar and sees a horse standing there next to a jar full of money the man walks up to the bar tender and asks what the jar is for the bartender says that if you can make the horse laugh then you can take all the money in the jar... the man walks up to the horse whispers something in the horses ear and the horse starts to laugh.... he leaves with the jar full of money...the next day the same man comes into the bar and sees the same horse with the jar so he walks up to the bartender and ask what the jar is for this time and the bartender says that you can take all the money in the jar if you make the horse cry...so the man walks up to the horse and whispers in its ear and the horse starts to cry....he takes the jar full of money and the bartender asks the man what he said..... the man said the first day i told the horse that my D...K was bigger than his and the second day I showed him.......

Answer 7

A guy walks into an Irish pub and asks the bartender,"What's the quickest way to Dublin." The bartender asks,"Are you walking or driving a car?" The man replies,"Driving a car." The bartender says,"Well, that's the quickest way."


First little piggy walks into the bar and drinks and drinks and drinks and asks where the bathroom is.
Second little piggy walks into the bar and drinks and drinks and drinks and asks where the bathroom is.
Third little piggy walks into the bar and drinks and drinks and drinks and asks where the bathroom is.
Fourth little piggy walks into the bar and drinks and drinks and drinks and asks where the bathroom is.
Fifth little piggy walks into the bar and drinks and drinks and drinks and starts to head out the door.
The bartender shouts,"Aren't you going to ask where the bathroom is?"
The piggy replies,"Didn't you hear? I'm the little piggy that goes wee wee wee all the way home."

Answer 8

Guy walks into a bar and says, "Drinks for everyone, and barkeep, pour one for yourself too." Everyone thanks him and, a few minutes later, he buys another round for everyone including the bartender. He orders a third round and the barkeep says, "Sure, but please pay for the first two rounds before I pour the third." The generous guy says, "Money? I don't have any money." The bartender kicks the crap out of him and throws him into the street. A few minutes later he comes back
in and says, "Barkeep, drinks for everyone. But not for you. you get nasty when you're drunk."


Guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender looks up and says "Where did you get that ape?" Guy says, "This isn't an ape, it's a duck". Bartender says "I was TALKING to the duck".


A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, why such a long face?"

I hope these are what you're looking for! : P

Answer 9

oh here's 1: a duck walks in to thee bar and says do u got any grapes? the bartender says no this is a bar not a fruit sale. the next day the same duck walks in to the same bar on the same bartender and says do u have any grapes? the bartender say no this is a bar and next time u ask that ill glue Ur feet to the ground the next day the duck walks into the same bar to the same bartender and says do u got any glue ? the bartender says no then the duck say so u got any grapes?

Answer 10

A man walks into a bar... wait no a horse walks into a bar and asks for a man... wait or does the man ask for the horse, but the hores has a long face so he walked into the bar... but that dosn't make much sence.. ok! A man walks into a bar.........

Answer 11

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says " Why the long face?"