what's the way out of loneliness?

Question

people keep telling me to go to groups but i never seem to meet anyone interesting there. only people who already have friends/family. or otherwise how do find contentment in solitute?

Answer 1

masterbate

Answer 2

Meeting pople and new friends is really hard. I just moved across country and knew absolutely noone. Finally, I had to find something to escapre lonliness. I found myself a hobby, I got a dog and I kept going places to meet people. Sometimes, it is awkward, but in the long run you will feel beteter,. Try finding a church, look upi some home party business in yur area and attend some of those workshops (those people are usually very firendly and there are home parties to fit almost everyones interests), try getting a part time job at a store you like. Most importantly, just get out. Even if you just get out to take a walk it will make you feel better. Another bit of advice for when your home and the feelings won't leave, stop thinking about it, I know this sounds so simple, but somtime I will literally just start singing a song to myself to keep my mind on something else. Good luck and hope things get better

Answer 3

keep busy,
you are only lonely if you have time to think.
So if it doesn't work out for you right now, start something which you like to do. Best several something. Pick at least one thing you can get really enthusiatic about. Then go to classes/groups, not for the people but for the subject. Chances are that you meet more interesting people if you meet doing something you are both interested in anyway. Try to become expert about your subject, that usually will require you to learn from other people and maybe one day you can teach yourself classes in that. Could be sports or arts, whatever makes you enthusiastic.
Actually volunteering is also a very good suggestion. Everybody loves a volunteer!

If you are mainly looking for romance and soon, don't go to the church social but to a singles club...

Answer 4

The purpose of going to the groups is not necessarily to find people like you but to BE with people, period. You need to get out and be around people, otherwise you will fall so deeply into the depths of depression that bad things will happen.

And I'm not sure what types of groups you're going to but they don't have to be "support" groups, so to speak. You can just sign up for a class at a community college, join Toastmasters, a craft group, a dance class, take a second job making coffee at Starbucks, anything that will get you out of the house and around other people, anything that will help improve your social skills. And you can't go with the mindset that you will meet people just like you during your first meeting and that you will become best friends overnight. Friendships take time and are hard to come by. Just have an open mind and some patience and eventually you will start to meet people.

Good luck!

Answer 5

First you must figure out if you enjoy lonliness. Your question seems to have two parts - how to escape lonliness and then how to be content with solitude. Group settings don't always work with everyone. What is it that you are looking for? A relationship, a friend, just someone to chat with? Try a local church, the library or a coffee shop. Try to be positive and have an upbeat attitude. Just by posting here, you are making a difference - others read your question and look for ways to help you.

If you enjoy solitude or seek to be alone, then find ways that can make your solitude more enjoyable. Keep a journal of your thoughts, take a nature walk or just a walk around the block. The most important thing is to figure out what you want and then go for it!

Answer 6

Well, you're going to have to make a choice for yourself, because you're going in two directions at once. Loneliness is a state of desiring the company of others; you can't find contentment in solitude when in the company of others. So you have two options in your situation:

1) Go out and make new friends. I know this is more difficult than it sounds, and especially for shy people, it requires a fundamental change in how you approach people (i.e. approaching them at all, for starters) Find groups who do the same kinds of activities you enjoy, and actively engage people in conversation. The more outgoing you are, the easier it will be to find friends among the people you meet.

2) Look inwards to find the reason for your loneliness. Even the most outgoing people need time to themselves, to find their center so to speak. It may be that either you are overstimulated by the people already in your life and you want a little time to be by yourself or you feel you need others to feel fulfilled. In that instance, you must be your own best friend. Work on feeling better about yourself, and you don't necessarily need the presence or acceptance of others to be content, because you accept yourself.

A third option is to get a pet; they tend to be less judgemental than people, and unless you're a really crappy pet owner, they'll always show you affection, especially if you've had a bad day (they seem to know)

Answer 7

Kit Kat, I wish I had your problem. My fiance and my two closest friends do not understand solitude, so they are constantly swallowing up my time - because I happen to be a good listener. I want to shout to both of them to shut up, I just want to be alone. But both of them go rambling on about topics they don't even care whether I have any interest in discussing, its just their thing. One of my friends repeats the same things over and over, she's an alcoholic. I don't want to push her away, I've explained to all of them that I would like to have solitude and they acknowledge me as if I'm being rude and go right back to selfishly discussing one-sided conversations and pointedly ensuring that I make comment.

I took the opportunity to join a religious organization just to get some me time and have a small window of silence, when I pull out my books for theology training.

When I was single, I used to be lonely and these were my ways to deal with that:

1) Buy a moutain bike, because they can ride in all terrains. You can take in nature's beauty, sometimes catch the eye of a handsome man, while riding, without looking as if you're interested.

2) Get involved in a hobby such as tropical fish, scapbooking, this is something you can do alone and have a sense of accomplishment and when you meet other people you can show off your accomplishments to someone who can appreciate it.

3) Join a fitness group. People tend to bond in these groups while getting yoursefl fit and healthy.

4) Join a movie buff group or whatever theme you have an interest in. The only problem with joining groups is that loneliness can be an enabling feeling where you put your problem onto someone to to entertain you.

I believe you should find a way to value yourself, then you won't mind being alone. Now, I crave solitude. My fiance is a socio-holic and is constantly bringing people by - he's like you and get's lonely except he's gregarious enough to drag someone home with him and talk them to death. He thinks I'm the other option. Having NO solitude I feel on the brink of suicide. I am desperately taking longer to come home just so I won't have him chirping in my ear. I walk my dog to the point where he's ready to come back. Then comes time to pick up the house and cook when I become a captive audience. Still, I'm not lonely.

My father once told me that I should be glad that I have people in my life that want to be around me so much. So, I'll try to count my blessings and suggest that you count yours.

Answer 8

i like my own space ,i spend all my time cleaning the house ,talking on here ,i bought a shed and do wood work ,i do my garden and im always changing it around ,i have three dogs and play and walk them ,luckily i live in the country and there are many quiet places ,if i want noise then i go to my kids houses or to the city.
just sitting at a cafe having a drink you can normally find some one will chat to you ,but if you are really that board and lonely you can chat to me when ever you want ,lool i talk to anyone ,lol
but you say you go to groups ,what kind ?,if you went to classes ,say dancing ,or drama ,you would soon make friends as you have to interact with each other ,and have fun as well.
what about joining a gym,once you are a regular you will be noticed and could also meet people ,
no one this day and age should ever be lonely ,and im surprised that you are ,you have all your friends on here ,why not try and find some in your area and meet up ?.we cant all be bad,any way i wish you well,and remember there are other people like you,probably on your own street ,take care,kat

Answer 9

You could try learning to meditate, it's a proven way to gain contentment.

Don't be concerned about being alone there's a lot to said for not having to spend your life in compomise.

If you don't think you really want a single life then I'm afraid computers aren't going to give you the answer, you need to find something that you want to do that other people do.
Other than avoiding organised religion I wouldn't recommend anything but then I find working with other people is taxing enough I cant work and then be social in the evenings.

Good luck

Answer 10

Have you tried church/synagogue? Book clubs through your local library? a class (yoga, weaving, knitting, sewing, literature/math, community college offerings, town sports leagues, coaching or playing, volunteering to walk dogs at your local pound, simply finding something you like to do and seeking out people who are like-minded. you yourself have to try and reach out, shake hands, introduce yourself, start a conversation (that's a beautiful quilt, I wish I could do that) You have to take the steps, you are the one in need of stimulation and companionship, and just because people may have established friendships already, it doesn't mean there isn't room for another. If you are shy this is very hard to do, and while you have every right to be shy, if you don't make the effort your shyness will isolate you. Don't want to be lonely!

Answer 11

Try reading the book of John in the Bible or Psalms in the Old Testament. It has a lot of insight into life and healing the human heart.

Also, you may try doing some volunteer work in a field that interests you. They usually post a volunteer section in the newspaper. Helping someone else can really help you focus on the bigger picture, instead of being so focused on your own problems.

Lastly, get out there and get busy living life.