I really don't understand how some people can say that they just automatically take well to their stepchildren and love them as you do your own.That is like saying everyone should love everyone else's children as they do their own.That to me is impossible I do agree that you should love and accept your stepchildren but its not easy for everyone even if their heart is in the right place its difficult to look at a child and know that it represents the love your husband once had with another woman.That is just plain hard to me maybe because i am a little insecure but everyone who gets on here and says that stepparents are selfish and should be ashamed is a little judgemental.I don't hate my stepchild but i will never love her the way i love my own because she is another woman's child it doesn't mean i will mistreat her or let her know i don't love her like my own but thats just a fact of life and blended families.
2006-08-21 07:30:05 · 9 answers · asked by samwise25 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Not sure what the real question is... BUT.... your not selfish for not saying you don't love your step children like your own. They're not yours by birth and it's understandable. BUT, they are a part of your man, little carbon copies, and if you're like me, you love EVERYTHING about your man, that includes his kids. My suggestion is to try to stop looking at them as a product of love your husband once had with another woman... He's yours now. Whatever love there was between him and his ex obviously wasn't real.... He loves YOU! Your step children are a product of YOUR love. that's why they're YOUR stepchildren.
2006-08-21 07:50:51 · answer #1 · answered by rachael 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No stepparent can replace a mothers love. When a stepparent has their own children - no matter what promises they made to the spouse beforehand, their real child always immediately takes precedence.
It doesn't mean that all stepparents will mistreat their stepchildren. Although, a lot do without realizing it. If you had done your research on answers about the stepmothers that comment on how badly they treat their stepchildren - and think that it's normal - then you also would be judgemental against them. I'm not judgmental about all stepparents, even adoptive parents can truly love a child. I'm judgemental to the ones that call their stepchildren brats, baggage, and say how they can't handle them. If one cannot handle a child, then one should not have dated someone with a child.
2006-08-21 07:55:19 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. There is no biological bound so these other chilren are really just like any other person in the world and for a relationship to develop it does take two. Saying it's automatic is silly and is just like saying you should feel the same about his/herbrother/sister(which is more like your spouse than their children from someone else).
It also depends on the situation. There are so many dynamics to blended families and circumstances with the ex's differences in parenting styles, etc that sometimes and more often than not, they just don't work out. The failure rate of blended families is 66%+
2006-08-22 06:30:35 · answer #3 · answered by Carp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're thinking of love as an emotion, it's unreasonable to expect to feel the same about your stepchildren as you do about your own children. If you focus on love as action, as what you DO, then things are clearer. You take care of your stepchildren just as you do your own daughter, right? Cook meals, see that they brush their teeth and get to bed, read them stories, take them to the doctor as need, help them with thei homework - the whole thing. If you can't manage to DO the loving thing, you shouldn't be part of a stepchild's life.
2006-08-21 08:15:49 · answer #4 · answered by TechnoMom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you to a point. I seriously doubt that people automatically take well to their spouse's existing children. This child already has a mother. But you're focusing on this aspect and losing sight of the fact that this child is a part of your husband, and loving him means loving and accepting this child. And love your step children as your own, does not mean be this child's mother.
2006-08-21 07:54:03 · answer #5 · answered by Pask 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really shouldn't be a stepparent if this is the way you feel. When I look at his children I only see him in them and I love them just as I love their father. I guess you also don't expect you 2nd husband to love your children like he loves his own either. After all with your mind he must look at them and only see the product of you mating with another man.
2006-08-21 10:35:23 · answer #6 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't love my future stepdaughter like my own, but I do treat her like she's my own, I use the same fairness with her that I do with my boys, if one gets something they all get something. The point to be made is... you have to have some connection with this child and if you don't then I'd try to make one. My future stepdaughter is my shopping buddy. Wether it's groceries or clothes she loves to go with me, but if I ask her to help me garden she politely reminds me that gardening is her "thing" with mommy. Yes this child is a representation of the love he had for aanother woman, and I'm sure that he loves his child more than anything in this world, so , doesn't it mean anything to you that he loves you enough to trust you with the one most precious thing he has in his life?
2006-08-21 09:23:17 · answer #7 · answered by skylark455st2 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
not anybody i'm not; i trust its a womans body and a womans precise to substantiate on thre are many like me - Its purely anti abortion protesters are very shrill of their perspectives and frequently sense that they have got god on their facet.
2016-11-30 22:51:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If people would quit getting pregnant before they were married and also quit getting divorced we wouldn't be having this arguement.
2006-08-21 07:40:23 · answer #9 · answered by BeeFree 5 · 0⤊ 5⤋