Insult challenge?

Question

As there is a guard on swearing what is the worst non offensive insult you can think of to say to me. If it has asterisks it doesn't count. 10 points for the funniest.

Doesn't count my momma's not black. Sorry but good try.

You can't swear? No one can thats the challenge.

Answer 1

You are the very essence of pestulant puss ridden flatulence oozing from the dirtiest crevice of a rotting corpse - an obscenity of creation who's very existence demands the immediate annihilation of the entire planet where all trace of your tortured existence should be confined for all eternity to the darkest, foulest, dankest corner of the most god forsaken depths of hell. Your very name is a scar upon creation, angels weep when they see your face, flowers whither and die as you pass, you exude a stench of decomposed hatred which suffocates all those who have been cursed enough to suffer your existence. Without doubt, you are an abhorrent abortion of a creature who will be condemned to an eternity of hated purgotory.

Answer 2

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth & noticed that she was little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
She said, "No."
"Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up With a large tank of latex and the workers are all picked according to Hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right Onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the Big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."
And she didn't laugh a bit!!!
Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her Teeth because she burst out laughing.
The old woman blushed and Exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

Answer 3

Your presence merely validates my inherent mistrust of strangers. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality but come on, you look like a talent scout for a cemetery. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma. Or at least do the world a favor and mastubate with a cheese grater.

Answer 4

You twitching clit of a dead cow!

The best part of you was "shot" onto the bedroom wall!

You obviously only got 1/2 a squirt from your Dad!

In your parents mind your nothing but a little squirt.

"You would make a terrific "Poster Child" for why people shoud use birth control!"

Answer 5

Hi George Bush

Answer 6

Ure so dum u got locked in Tesco on a Bank Holiday weekend and starved to death. lol. Hope u like it.

Answer 7

Jou ma se linke tet skiet rubber bullets.
(Your mother's left tit shoots rubber bullets)
Jou pa se bal sit innie kak.
(Your father's ball hangs in the poo)
Jy is ‘n twee gat jakkals.
(You are a disgusting, devious snake-in-the-grass)
Directly translated: "You are a jackal with two orifices."

Answer 8

you are a low down dirty cop socking morther ducking ashbag, who probably puffs peters for fun

you know i didnt realize how hard that would be to come up with something good with out cussing thats very interesting

Answer 9

If God gave you a brain the size of a piss ant we might be able to get somewhere.

Answer 10

Your mom is so fat, she sat on a dollar and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose.