What do you think of this poem?

Question

I went into my classroom
Ready for another year at school.
I didn't want the work,
Just wanted to hang and be cool.

I had on new clothes,
New sneaks on my feet.
I was there for class on time
Went to the back and took my seat.

Yeah, I'm moving up.
I'm already grown.
Soon I'll be graduating
And out on my own.

I talked to some of my friends.
We were all having fun.
Said some things I shouldn't have said,
Did stuff I shouldn't have done.

I knew I was different.
I felt God touch my heart.
I knew I should set a standard,
But then I'd be set apart.

Walking to the bus,
I was not looking for strength.
I heard the car tires screeching,
But now it's too late.

I'm standing in this room
And I can see the heavenly gate.
Oh no! I never prayed.
I thought I had time to get it straight.

An angel walked to me.
He had a book in his hand.
I knew it was the Book of Life.
When would this dream end?

I told him my name
And he began to look.
Then he looked at me sadly and said
Your name is not in this book.

Angel, this is a dream.
No, I can't be dead!
He closed the book and turned away.
He whispered - You cannot proceed ahead.

No...no this can't be real.
Angel, you can't turn me away.
Let me talk to God.
Maybe He'll let me stay.

He led me to the gate.
Jesus came to me,
He did not let me in but said,
Beloved what is your need?

Jesus, I cried, please
Don't cast me away from you.
Tears ran down His face as He said,
You knew what you needed to do.

Lord, please I'm young.
I never thought I would die.
I thought I'd have plenty of time.
Death caught me by surprise.

Lord, I went to church.
Please Jesus, I believe.
He said you would not accept me.
My love you would not receive.

Lord, there were too many hypocrites.
They weren't being true.
He took a step back and asked
What does that have to do with you?

Lord, my family claimed to be saved,
They weren't real. You know.
He said, I died for you.
Now I have to go.

I fell to my knees crying to Him.
Lord, I planned to be real tomorrow.
I couldn't, make Him understand.
I had never -- felt such sorrow.

Then it hit me hard, I said
Lord, where will I go?
He looked into my eyes and said,
My child you already know.

Please Jesus, I begged
The place is so hot.
It seemed to trouble and grieve Him.
He whispered, DEPART FROM ME, I KNOW YOU NOT.

Lord, you're supposed to be love.
How can you send me to damnation?
He replied, With your mouth you said you loved me,
But each day you rejected my salvation.

With that in an instant,
Day turned into night.
I never knew such torture could be.
Now too late, I know the Bible is right.

If I can tell you anything,
Hell has no age.
It is a place of torture,
Separated from God and full of rage.

You know I thought it was funny -- a joke,
But this one thing is true.
If you never accept Jesus Christ
HELL IS WAITING FOR YOU!

Oh no I didn't write this....I just like it and thought it would be helpful.

Answer 1

You can cross out the first 6 stanzas and the meaning of the poem is still there.

Answer 2

It was a sad story. Poetry wise however the poem lacked alot of organization which is something you risk when you do free style. You know how to rhyme as this poem suggests but you're not consistent with it. That alone isn't bad as you can have a good poem without rhyming all the time in it, however when you don't have meter at the same time it just sounds off. Your thoughts are most coherent toward the later part of your poem.

Good luck in your future writings as you have potential as a poet.

Answer 3

Rather purile in my opinion. It had the feeling of some teen goth who thought she could write good poetry but ended up pretty lame.

Every step of it was perfectly predicatble, there was no subtle foreshadowing. The rhyme scheme was random and unpredictable, it was clear that in some places rhyme was intentional, but other places weren't so obvious. The word choice was needlessly basic. As a tool of prosetylization, it is a fall back on the 'appeal to emotion' logical fallicy.

In short, good attempt but I'd be gracious in giving it a C-.

Answer 4

I think you did a good job on getting your point across,
but to who?
You, or everyone,
what i liked the best about reading this, is although it was long, after a short while, i forgot about the writier, i forgot about if it were good "writing" and i forgot why i was reading it, and i just followed the story line, and you did a great job,because i found myself reading a short story, and wanting to know the ending,

I do love Jesus, and i have much to learn, the part of the poem that strikes me with sadness if that you conveyed that if we meet Jesus, and we are sorry, and realize at that moment, we did so many things wrong,,, then JESUS WILL WALK AWAY FROM US, AND IT IS
'TO HELL, TO HELL, AND THAT AIN'T SWELL,

i believe that if you believe, and confess, and admit that Jesus is our personal savior, he will forgive us, and lead us to eternal salvation

Answer 5

Long but good...sounds like a kinda rap thing.
Is it like that though: Jesus tells U to go take an eternal hike because you don't catch on soon enough?
I don't agree; I think he lets you work on it a bit more till he feels you've got it sorted. We've a massive amount of growing up to do....it seems endless. I'm forty three and I still feel I haven't mastered school yard group dynamics - and I haven't.
Hell relates to evil, everything else can be given a second chance....maybe even seventy seven chances (Let's hope that reference can be interpreted in years not incidents..or else I'm a gonner)..
Nice one

Answer 6

aaliyahh1213,
Magnifico! Wonderful and truly stated!

Now wait for all the attacks you will get for that.

You have confessed the Lord Jesus before others, He will confess you to the Father.

See you up there. I think that there will be an eternity of poems to be made up there!

See ya' sister in Christ.

Answer 7

Beautiful, it reminds me of the play "Heavens gates, Hells flames" a very moving play regarding death and judgement. Our society lives by situational ethics, what's right for the situation is truth, the Lord however does not change from one instant to the next.

Answer 8

Long but not bad. I have to disagree with the main premise of the work. I believe in a just and merciful God. If you lived a good life, God will have mercy on your soul.

Answer 9

If I were you I would have stopped at the next to last paragraph, you had me almost 100% but you lost me with the last paragraph... I believe in the MESSAGE and not the so much in the messenger. I see the "Light"

Answer 10

I think the author has a lot of guilt and a need to convert others to his/her religion. I give the poem a B, pretty good.

I'm pretty sure this represents a juvenile, insecure religious view.