Should I let my mother stay at our house when the baby is born, she has been mean to my wife?

Question

My wife and I have been together for 5 years, for the first 3-4 years my mom tried to break us up.

After our wedding my mother has been polite to my wife and has treated her respectfully.

My wife doesn’t want to be around my mother because of the things she has said and done to my wife in the past.

If my mother wants to help my wife after the baby is born should I let her?

No one else will help out. Should I allow my mother to stop by for a few hours everyday to help my wife out if my wife needs help?

Or should I just leave my wife home alone after I go back to work?

Answer 1

I think that I would let your wife decide. If she doesn't want your mom there, then I would honor that. She will have enough stress dealing with a new baby, post pregnancy hormones, and lack of rest...it might be too much to deal with her feelings for your mother as well.

Answer 2

Everyone seems to be of the same mind here, and I'll say so too: It's your wife's choice. I think I can relate to how your wife is feeling, except it wasn't a mother-in-law, it was a father-in-law. Anyway, if I were her, I wouldn't want your mother-in-law around, and if your mother has been trying to break you up, like you say, then she should be gracious enough to understand why you'd prefer that she doesn't come.
It depends on how your wife is feeling after the birth, if you should go back to work leaving her alone. Don't they have such a thing as a leave for fathers when their wives deliver? Sorta like a maternity leave, lol. After I had my baby I was dead tired and achy all over and I probably wouldn't have been able to manage on my own. I think the ideal would be for you to take a week or two off from work to give yourself time with your wife and the newborn. If you can afford it, that is.
If it's not possible for you to be there but your wife needs help, you can look into hiring someone to help out for the first week. You know, someone to do the cooking and cleaning to give the new mother time to bond with the baby and also to recover from labor. I think they might have a service for that in some places, the price differs according to your income, at least that's what it was like here. Of course, you should talk to your wife to see how she feels about it. The period of giving birth and shortly thereafter is a very emotional time for the new mother and you should try to make everything as easy as possible for her.
Even if your wife says she will be alright on her own, now would be a good time to look into take out services that will deliver food to the door. It is such a great help to not have to cook anything for the first couple days or a week! Hope the labor goes smoothly. Hugs!

Answer 3

Well, does your mother live in the same town? If so ask if she would like to come and help out for a few hours everyday.

If she lives far away, offer to get her a hotel if you can afford it so that you and your wife can have alone time with the baby everyday.

It can seem overwhelming bringing a new baby home but if it's your first and you have everything organized it really isn't so hard I promise. My husband and I didn't have any help at all and we loved it that way.

We didn't have people telling us all the things we were doing wrong or how they would do it diferently. Trust me. This is a very special time that will only come along once. Let your mother come and stay when you have the next baby (maybe) but not this time. Not in the house. Let her visit but not stay there 24/7!

Answer 4

Women have been having babies and raising them alone forever. If your mother is a monster-in-law, then this will not be the pleasent time for you, your wife and new child that it is meant to be. It is definately up to your wife, whether it be a few hours a day, all day or never. But the never could create more annymosity with your mother. Again, the most important thing to remember is that you will only get this special bonding time with a new born once, once make sure that it is a peaceful environment. Congratulations on your new family.

Answer 5

Your wife should be the one to decide. Giving birth is a huge thing - moreso for her than you. After all the work that she's done, and then the work of giving birth...she deserves to have the people that she is more comfortable with, when she needs help.

You can allow your mother to visit, but I wouldn't have her be helping if your wife doesn't want it. She probably has other people in mind - good friends, or members of her own family. It's not so bad for her to be home with the baby by herself after the return home - unless she's had a c-section. She should have someone already in mind, if this does happen. Discuss it with her, so the subject won't come up when it's too late.

Just remember, she's going through enough, and keeping her happy & healthy to take care of that baby is the most important thing in your life that you need to do.

Answer 6

It is good that you are not some momma's boy who will let Mommy come in and do anything she wants without regard for your wife. You should ask your wife how she feels about it. If your mom has been "nice" and accepting for awhile now, what better way than a baby to get the two of them closer. As long as your mom doesn't try to take over or make her feel like a bad mom. As long as your mother is loving and supportive, it would be nice for the two of them to get to know one another on a positive note. I hope your wife learns to forgive and forget so that your mom can be a part of her grandbaby's life. Good Luck to you all and I really hope everything works out for the best. Your child will need to be surrounded by as many caring family members as possible. Peace.

Answer 7

I think it's up to your wife. I just had a baby 7 months ago and I felt really overwhelmed. She might appreciate some help but if they don't get along then she might be better off without the help. Having a newborn is very stressful, especially if it's the first. If her being there might cause more stress then it's not a good idea. So it totally depends on what your wife will be up for.

Answer 8

The last thing your wife needs is a mother-in-law who has a history of troublemaking between you two. If your wife really needs help with the new baby and there isn't any other family or friends who can help, you might want to look into hiring a part time nanny, or babysitter.

Answer 9

The answer to your question lies entirely with your wife and if shes anything like me the answer is NO. What you need to do is thank your mother for the offer of help and if your wife needs help let he know that your mother would be more then willing to help out if she needs it. This is the soloution that worked best for me when I was in that situation, and when I really did need help I didnt hesitate to call his mother and as a result my kids are healthy and have a great relationship with Grandma. Whatever you do please let your wife make the decisions about this.

Answer 10

I was home alone with our daughter one day after getting out of the hospital after having her. I had no problems.

This should be a joyful time in your marriage. Having your mother, who you say has already tried to cause problems in your relationship, could only serve to dampen that joy. Talk to your wife. Does she want your mother there? If it's a c-section or a multiple birth, then maybe she would need some help. But if it's a normal vaginal delivery, it should be up to her whether she has help or not.

Have faith in your wife, trust her maternal abilities.