why do women stay in abusive and dysfunctional relationship?

Question

are they that afraid 2b alone

Answer 1

Many reasons--some have been so beaten down mentally by their spouses that they think their husband/boyfriend, abusive as he is, is the only one who will ever have them. Some are afraid that the boyfriend/spouse will kill them if they leave. It's never an easy thing to do.

Answer 2

I guess it depends on what you mean by dysfunctional.

Emotional dysfunction is harder to spot than say a "wife-beater".

Your question is very general and I am disappointed in the shallow thoughtlessness of the replies.

In the case of abusive situations there are many reasons. Here are a few off the top of my head:

1) Physical fear - not just of the man, but this can include his family, friend and any friends they share. Loss of resources, what will I do? Will I be homeless? And if you recommend a shelter...VISIT one first. You can't recommend a life, you yourself wouldn't accept.

2) Fear of the unknown - this is where your comment comes in. No one wants to be alone, that's why we have relationships. No matter how "strong" people are, I have yet to meet someone who is completely self-sufficient. To say anything else is a bit ignorant.

3) Disappointment. Either not wanting to give up what they put into a relationship, hoping it will change or accepting it won't.

4) Repetition. Women who stay if they do get the courage to go, tend to end up in a pattern. They either attract or are attracted to a type that makes this cycle repeat.

5) Guilt. "It's all my fault." How many women do you know that have heard, 'she was ASKING for it?' Why should she feel confident in leaving when the fault of the 'failure' is place on the woman in most cases?

Here's a statistic for the stupid answerers to ponder. 1 in 3 women have been raped/abused at one time or another. So if you think you're "different" think again. Someone has to be doing that abusing. So lack of safety is a REAL concern.

Perhaps your best answer would be to ask the woman you are wondering about. She probably could answer you better than anyone here could.

Good Luck,

Cheryl

Answer 3

It's not that they are afraid to be alone but the problem that alot of these women face is that after being told for a long time that they cannot do any better...they start to believe the abuser. Their self esteem no longer exist. these types of men break these women down to a point that either they are afraid of what may happen if they do leave or they think that this is as good as it gets. "very unfortunate". You cannot fix these men....it is all about control and they do not want to give up their control because they think the woman will leave them if they do. So They make the woman afraid to leave and make them feel as though they are worthless.

Answer 4

im a social worker and we work a lot with people who are abused. Here are some reasons people stay in an abusive relationship:
low self esteem
co-dependant
fear of being killed if they leave
fear of not surviving on their own
they want children to have "normal" family
these are just some reason abuse is often cyclical in nature where the abuser has good periods and bad periods. It often reminds me of someone who has bi-polar disorder.

often times women whos father abused the mother with end up in an abusive relationship as adults. abusive men are often attracted to mild-mannered, quiet women with low self-esteem or indicaters of co- dependance.

they prep the victim by alienting him/her from family and friends then destroying any self esteem. in many situations they forbid the victim to get a job or have any outside friendships.

Its not always because the women think they can change a man it is actually very phsycologically embedded. the situation can also be reversed and women can abuse men and it can also occur with elders in nursing homes and caregiver situations. i know this was a long answer but i hope it worked for you

Answer 5

Women do not seek out relationships with violent men. Frequently, men who will become violent do not reveal this aspect of their behaviour until the relationship has become well established. In fact, for many women, the violence does not start until their first pregnancy.

Women living with and leaving violent men say that they want the violence to stop and are often actively engaged in trying to protect themselves and their children from it. They may also try a number of ways to cope with or get the violence to stop, including changing their own behaviour eg. avoiding certain situations or appeasing the abuser by complying with his demands.

Why doesn't she leave?
Whilst the risk of staying may be very high, simply leaving the relationship doesn't guarantee that the violence will stop. In fact, the period when a woman is planning or making her exit, is often the most dangerous time for her and her children. More

Many women are frightened of the abuser, and with good reason. It's common for perpetrators to threaten to harm or even kill their partners or children if she leaves.
Reasons why a woman may not be ready to leave:
She may still care for her partner and hope that they will change (many women don't necessarily want to leave the relationship, they just want the violence to stop).
She may feel ashamed about what has happened or believe that it is her fault.
She may be scared of the future (where she will go, what she will do for money, whether she will have to hide forever and what will happen to the children).
She may feel too exhausted or unsure to make any decisions.
She may be isolated from family or friends or be prevented from leaving the home or reaching out for help.
She may have low self-esteem as a result of the abuse.
She may believe that it is better to stay for the sake of the children (eg wanting a father for her children and/or wishing to prevent the stigma associated with being a single parent).

And another thing i would say. Judging from the amount of responses you have got. Its very common.

Answer 6

Many reasons! Some women grew up in abusive homes and have "learned" that this is how men treat women. Some women feel trapped because of finances. Others have low self-esteems and feel they deserve it, couldn't make it on their own, wouldn't be able to find someone who DOESN'T abuse them, etc. Some have been threatened that their husband will kill them if they leave. Others believe the men when they say they will change, that they're sorry, etc., and just can't seem to "give up" and recognize that it's not going to change.

Answer 7

Maybe they are scared of what that person would do if they get out of the relationship, sometimes they are threatened. Maybe they got abused when they were younger and their used to it, no one really likes being in a relationship lke that so my guess is because they are scared of what might happen to them if they leave the relationship. Sometimes people say that they will change and the other person holds on to those good memeories that they had in the past with that person. But that person will never change. So they hold on to the person, they are afraid.

Answer 8

from someone who has been in her fair share-i'm now 27 & have fallen into 2 abusive realationships. once when i was 18 and again when i was 20. both relationships started out great. they lasted for a few yrs each before i left.
i broke up with a boyfriend once who was very good to me and wouldn't dream of laying a hand on me. i had been in a abusive relationship before he came along. what he said to me, i will never forget.
"why when a man puts his hand on a woman, she can't leave him to save her life, but she can break up with a perfectly good man in a heartbeat & not think twice about it."
there is so much control going on when u r being abused. even the strongest woman turns to mush and thinks that she loves him soooo much and vice versa. it's not the fear of being alone. its that in your mind, u really think that this is love. it's warped i know. i'm just telling u how i felt in a abusive situation. i thought that we had built so much together and that i would be missing something if i left...
turns out-i missed nothing. over a year and a half after leaving- i was happily married to my "real" prince charming. we've been married since 2002.

Answer 9

Fear of being alone, being financially reliant on the abuser. Believing the control tactics of the abusive partner. Being in the dark about the help that is available to them. And I'm sure that there are also those women who secretly feel they deserve it. Low self esteem is usually a large factor.

Answer 10

Maybe they have no out. You need money to live on your own. There are also psychological reasons, the kids, etc.

Why not flip that question around: Why do men abuse women and create dysfunctional relationships? In fact, get rid of the sexist overtones, why does anyone (male or female) do that?

Answer 11

It's not the fact that they are afraid to be alone, it started from their childhood. Remember we all were raised with parents who molded us, and not some parents did the molding thing too well. Some people came from abusive situations and that effected who they are now. Remember, all people who were abused can not afford these services. Some people think it their fault even though they were children when certain things happened. It's all about the past that some of us can't get over. I was one of the blessed ones who loves myself and let's no one abuse me now, but that's just me.