My boyfriend told me that sex with me is not fun, so I tried my best to spice up. I read tons of manual books and info on the net about how to have great sex. I tried strip dancing in front of him, but he didn’t like it because I “didn’t do it naturally”. He liked taking a bath with me though. He still says sex with me is not fun, but does not do anything to improve it.
With him it always starts suddenly whenever he feels like it. There is NO romantic mood. After sex, he washes up and have drink by himself. I said I wanted romantic sex, but he tells me not to complain. He says it’s not that he wants to have sex with other women and keeps telling me that he loves me a lot.
I’m tempted to try a strategy of refusing sex with him for a couple of weeks. Do you think this will work? Any other idea to solve this problem? I’m confused.
We have lived together for 6 months.
2006-08-21 04:56:30 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It could be many things.
He might be depressed and quite possibly has come to the realization that he is not really in love with you, or that he doesn't really find sex to be all that interesting.
OR
It could be that he just isn't a romantic or passionate person. To me that would be boring. But you can't love someone merely because you expect them to be romantic or passionate all the time.
It's a major perk. But many fail at being romantic or sexy quite miserably.
I think if you love him to death, the best thing you can do is avoid magnifying the issue and just try to be natural. Maybe he's sensitive and a bit uncomfortable letting that "fire with him" be exposed.
Work on developing trust and only have sex if you're feeling so hot that it wouldn't really matter what he said because all that would matter would be if he was knocking you up.
The love and a romantic stuff should, in the short run, be relegated to the very fact that at least he cares about you enough to reveal his sexual side to you.
Lower the standards a bit to help him be comfortable around you. Over a long period of time, he may grow to trust you even more than he currently does, and with that, he may then show you some of the sexual surprises he has in store for yah.
2006-08-21 05:07:31 · answer #1 · answered by Tones 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if he doesn't care about your needs at all . I 'm a guy and if my other was trying the things that you are it probally would cause me to even be premature . I would cut him off for a while and also try to talk with him about what does turn his crank .Also does he satisfy your needs or just use you as a pit stop . Maybe he is not really the one for you .not trying to be harsh but sometimes we have too face the facts that no matter how much one wants things to work out .If both aren't willing to think of each others needs there must be something wrong . I speak from being in the same boat as you my other doesnt want sex at all thought maybe once every two months Good luck
2006-08-21 05:14:21 · answer #2 · answered by unrcoverman007 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he will not set the mood you set it. I am a sexual person but I like romantic adventures behind a close door. He wants sex then make him slow it down introduce something new. Add foods like chocolate sryup or whip cream ask him if has a fantasy he would like to try to live out and do it for him. Be tasteful with it but spark his interests. You say he likes taking a bath with you spice that up add candles dim the lights give him a massage while in the bath to get him to loosen up. Keep it fun and he will turn around, don't give up and don't refuse sex you will only make it worse. Make him bend to your will and wants and desires without making him feel out of control about it and he will come around. Take care.
2006-08-21 05:19:40 · answer #3 · answered by Shadow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm,
Is he even into sex in general? If not maybe nobody could do it for him.
Is he into porno? If so maybe it is too stimulating and he has unrealistic expectations about how stimulating you should be.
He may not understand sex completely as is the case with many guys. When people have sex their attention can go to many different sensations. He may only understand his woody and not even know how to experience loving you heart to heart. If this is the case it will take some work to get him to understand.
I don't know how but you could try to get him stop masturbating and looking at porn and the two of you can practice abstinance for a while. He says that he loves you, so only have sex with him when you are feeling the love not just sexual desire.
You will probably have to talk out your expectations and experiences about sex and love relationships. Really find out what's important to each of you and hopefully find some consenses.
2006-08-21 05:14:51 · answer #4 · answered by no need for a name 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that if sex isn't fun with you then shut him off for a while so he wont have to go through the agony of having sex with you. It sounds like he is to picky and thinks he is the savior of sexual fantasy. And is there any strip dance that is natural except the fake you see on tv or at strip clubs that do it for a living. I am sure that he is just trying to show his manlyness to you because I am sure if you stripped dance in front of another guy he would be all over you and enjoy the sex thoroughly. Quit trying to please him so much and try pleasing yourself.
2006-08-21 05:05:39 · answer #5 · answered by dmxdragon2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is going to sound bad.... but this relationship is practically over. I'm not here to be a goody-two-shoes or a bible thumper or anything like that... but this is why it's not a good idea to have sex before marriage... he's realized that all of the sudden, there's nothing left.... the relationship is building around sex rather than around true love, and now that it's kind of gotten a little old, there is nothing left in the relationship. There's nothing you can do...
2006-08-21 05:04:43 · answer #6 · answered by Matt B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex has to be enjoyable for the both of you, or it is a big problem. Unfortunately, not everyone is sexually compatible. I would ask him how you can make it better for him - what does he like, what doesn't he like, what can you do to make it better for him? (And you probably aren't going to get that from a book...)
During that conversation, you need to let him know what you would like as well.
If you can't have enjoyable sex together, he is going to start sleeping with other women - it already sounds to me like he is totally in this for his own pleasure (sex when he wants it, no foreplay, he washes right after and leaves the room) and if he isn't getting what he wants from you, he'll look elsewhere.
2006-08-21 05:06:56 · answer #7 · answered by merigold00 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Throw him out. He is just using you as a warm wet place to masterbate. He's really gay. He's probably thinking of some guy while he's doing you. Get yourself a real man that will actually take an interest in making you orgasm 3 or 4 time before he does.
2006-08-21 05:07:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Play that "reverse psy" with him and let him have his own meds so he can appreciate you more . You can do the same by trying to have sex w/him whenever you want , and stop giving it to him whenever he feels like . Longterm relationship needs understanding and appreciation, it's not a 1-way street . Good luck to you.
2006-08-21 05:11:53 · answer #9 · answered by ilove_oral69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that he has some underlying problem. Does he seem depressed or differnt to you. I would try to start there. Yes, cut him off. When my wife cuts me off because she is mad at me for somethig, after about a week, the sex is awesome. Also, it will allow his body to build up more testosterone which will make him more horny.
2006-08-21 05:05:23 · answer #10 · answered by Professor Gearhead 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋