Fellow Chrisitans, how would you deal with family members that are constantly trying to hurt you and disrupt your life with your husband and children?
I try to be loving towards them, I do forgive them.
What would you say to them as a Christian?
Any ideas welcome! thanks!
2006-08-21 04:27:58 · 47 answers · asked by Mr.& Mrs.CoolBreeze SFCU 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
to clearify a little........my family has an "obsession" it seems with my children. they tell my children very hurtful things about me, untrue things. i am constantly being called crazy because i am a christian.
there are no problems with my husband, just my family trying to interfer with my children. they are very "wordly" people and are doing really well financially, so they try to "buy" my children.
it is just upsetting that, when my kids come back from visiting them, i hear about all the things they have said about me.
i have tried to distant myself from them. but, they still continue.
thanks for all the ideas!
2006-08-21 05:05:59 · update #1
Boy do I know how you feel I had family that went so far as to go and turnme into CPS for abusing my stepdaughter. They and their friends got 20+calls against me in 8 months. I had to cut them off for a period of time yet they still ahve refusd to apologize for what they have done. We have tried from time to time to communicate with them to see if they are willing to own up to what happened and apologize for what they had done to this day 6 years later they will not. My husband has had to pretty much write off his family for the way treated me and it was all over the fact that they did not want my husband totake his daughter and raise her. They wanted her for themselves. I would tellthem if you can not accept us as a whole unit then you can not accept us. I love my man and my children and all you are doing is driving yourselves away from me. You cannot change what I have chosen for my life and unless you stop trying to cause trouble for us we will no longer have contact with you. I do not hate you I love you but my family comes first and that is the way it is. I would emphasize that you are not doing this out of hate but out of love for your immediate family and that is biblical. I hope this has been helpful May God Bless you and keep you and you find the peace you need.
2006-08-21 04:42:10 · answer #1 · answered by wolfy1 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Well, I face this from my family members too. Using strong words or 'loosing it' actually adds flames to an already big problem. That's what the devil wants,for in these actions you loose your peace.The best thing to do is to take it in stride. It is annoying but try to forget it ever happened. One way is to unite these sufferings to the crucified Lord. Remember, he went through it all before you did and can you honestly say that these suffering equal HIs?
Try to see the world from the offenders point of view. This might bring some revelation. And then pray for them....that they find peace,because ultimately these people are very unhappy themselves.And pray for yourself too, hat you may have the graces of patience, love and forgiveness.......As long as you're a follower of Christ you will have to face these 'splinters from the cross'.If you wear the crown of thorns now along with the Bridegroom, then will you share His crown of glory! Hope this helps!
2006-08-21 04:40:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bless you Tess.
Your choice to lead your family at home is noble. Your challenge in dealing with relatives who step over the line is more than you need or can handle.
Your best revenge is not to bite back, but to avoid confrontation with those members who hurt you. Your response to them is always calm and respectful, but dismissive. Leading them away from you is the best way to share the message and bring you peace.
Don't allow pop-in visits, disruptive phone calls or debating conversations with these relatives. To keep your sanity and peace with your husband/children, maintain a low profile with the hurtful ones and spend more time with your own family outside and away from those who hurt you.
Soon, they will realize that they cannot use you for a target and will bother someone else. That will bring you peace and they will also respect you for handling your life with such dignity.
2006-08-21 04:45:23 · answer #3 · answered by joe_on_drums 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being a Christian does not mean being a doormat. Forgiving them does not mean making yourself vulnerable to further abuse.
Your first responsibility is to your husband and children. Protect your family.
It depends on how malicious they are. If they mean well, but the abuse is coming from their own insecurities, you might be able to love them into a decent relationship. If my mother were still living, we might be able to get along now. I didn't have the skills to handle her, though, so I moved several states away. It was the right thing to do. As I grew older, I began to understand her insecurities more; I might even be able to live near her now.
You might try confronting them: "Mom (or whoever), do you have any idea how hurtful that comment is?" (She will blame you for being over-sensitive.) "Mom, that does not change the fact that your comment is cruel/unkind. If I were over-sensitive, I would have broken off relationship with you a long time ago." (She will act hurt and say she didn't realize she had to be so careful around you, and will probably bring it up at family gatherings--'I would have told you this, but I know how sensitive you are, and I didn't want to hurt you.'--blaming the victim.) "Mom, I have forgiven much, but you continue to hurt my daughter's feelings and disrupt our lives. I know you mean well, but you need to change. Why don't we go to counseling together?"
Several years ago, I called my sister and left a message. When she did not return my call after two weeks, I called back. She returned my call, claiming her husband said I was obsessing on it . I blew up and told her that calling back after two weeks was NOT obsessing on it. It was a high-volume discussion. I did not call her names; I just defended myself to her, loudly. She has been nice to me ever since! She has the dominant personality, and I had to "snap" before I found the determination to blast through her dominance. I am not at all sure my reaction was unChristian.
In an extreme situation, you might have to get an unlisted phone number. When they finally find it out (and they will), tell them: "You cause so much damage when you call that I had to protect my family. If you are interested in a relationship, go to counseling with me. But I will not endure your abuse any longer." If they try to blame you, maintain your position: "I understand you think I am too sensitive. Let's see a counselor about this." Be checking around so that you have someone in mind. There is a terrific book buy Manuel Smith called "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty." Although secular, it helped me a lot.
Before you take drastic action, make sure you have talked it over with your husband and you both agree on the action. You'll need his backup, if nothing else to put you back together after your family tears you apart.
Have clever comeback for their anticipated accusations: "Family don't get unlisted numbers and not tell anyone." "Family don't make such drastic actions necessary!" Of course, you can't memorize them to spout them on cue, but it will effect a shift in your attitude which will help you to survive their onslaught.
Maybe talk to a counselor to get an idea of their problems. We had a friend who was very controlling. We found him described on the web as narcissic (he was benign--i.e., he genuinely wanted the other person's good, as opposed to most narcissists). Although we were over him by that point, it did explain a lot.
Terminating the relationship is not unChristian. Jesus told his disciples at one point that, if a village did not accept their message, they were to shake the dust off their feet and go to the next village. Sometimes you have to do that.
2006-08-21 04:59:01 · answer #4 · answered by Maryfrances 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a Christian myself, I would look up verses In the Bible. If that doesn't help, I'd go see my local pastor. Your family needs counceling. Some people feel that they need to be real close tp their families. You do need space to do things in you inner family and not bring the whole clan in.
I mean to do things as a family would be like going to weddings and funerals. If they live near-by , like on the same street or one block down-you need to move fra enough where they won't be able to do any of that. You may need to move to another state depending on where you are at, far enough where they may have to drive.
Hope this helps
2006-08-21 04:45:43 · answer #5 · answered by deb2rule 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try being honest with them about how you feel. If they chose to continue this behavior then you should lovingly put some distance between you and those family members. In all things protecting your family is the most important thing you should be concerned with. God does not call us to be doormats. Just continue to show those family members love.
2006-08-21 04:35:34 · answer #6 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think I need more information about the whole thing, but if somebody is trying to hurt you...you should protect yourself. If its a family member, you cant just close your door...but you can do that temporarily...and dont pick up the phone and dont call back. After some time...they will wonder whats wrong, and then you can start to get closer, explaining what bothers you. Its like captivating their attention FIRST and then getting the things straight later.
2006-08-21 04:35:15 · answer #7 · answered by Umpalumpa 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Family that is trying to hurt & disrupt your family... definatly is NOT a good thing! If your husband is a good man of God..who provides for you & your family, loves & respects you & the kids....is not mean or abusive.... Then what is their problem??!!
Could they be jealous of your marriage?
Are you & your husband close as close can be...(how me & my husband are) & your parents miss you or are jealous of your bond?
Or are they unstable in their own marriage???
With out more detail on what they are doing to disrupt your family.... I can't really give you my advice on specifics... (I have also had family interference in my marriage!)
I sympathize with you it is VERY HARD! But you & your husband need to take a stand & not let negativity divide your family.
Genesis 2:24 says.. Therefore shall a man leave his father & his mother, & shall cleave unto his wife: & they shall be one flesh.
Ephesians 5:21-33 is also about marriage.. too long to type all out.
Ephesians 5: 31 says.... For this cause shall a man leave his father & mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be ONE flesh.
I would talk to your parents...remain respectful, but firm in your convictions & beliefs. Let them know that you DO love them.. but this is your marriage & that God has placed you & your husband together.
What ever the problem may be.. let them know that you are both commited to each other. & your family & to God.
It will be hard to do... But....IF they are going to keep trying to interfere, disrupt & hurt your marriage & family.. & can't be reasonable & mature in coming to a mutual understanding & respect for you & your husband .... Then you are going to have to tell them to not come around, call, ect...UNTIL the have accepted your marriage & are committed to Strengthening your marriage & supporting it.
God is first, 2nd is Your Marriage that God blessed you with.... You do not need them dividing you & your husband & causing unneeded problems!
Stick together.. Remain as ONE.
GOD BLESS YOU hope this helps.. feel free to contact me..
I will be praying for you!
2006-08-21 05:29:59 · answer #8 · answered by Joeysol'lady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them God created the family, when you and your husband married, and you had children that was your new family. That is bibical, you love your extended family of course, but your husband and children must come first with you and if they cannot honor that, or they cannot be at peace then they need to not come around quite so often.
2006-08-21 04:41:01 · answer #9 · answered by Grandma Susie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them to STOP IT!!! They have no right to interfer in your marriage and family life. If you have to be rude in order to get them off your back, then do so. You have a right to live in your own home AT PEACE. Sometimes people can be so stupid that you have to be rude to them to get their attention. I know that we are not suppose to fight fire with fire, but if your family is in danger of breaking up, then you have to take drastic measures. If the interference is coming from your husband's side of the family, then he must take charge of the situation and deal with it. If he will not, then you will have to, but you cannot allow such a situation to exist. Sitcoms like "Everybody Loves Raymond" may be funny to watch on TV, but in real life they are a nightmare. Jesus loves you.
2006-08-21 04:38:37 · answer #10 · answered by Preacher 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋