Is it taking a step back to move out of your boyfriend's place after living together for 8 months?

Question

I've been living with my boyfriend for 8 months and we're starting to get on each other's nerves. He says I'm too dependent on him and I think he may be right - I don't want him to start resenting me.

But I've always thought once you move in with your boyfriend, the only reason to move back out is if you break up. Am I wrong? Is moving out taking a step back or will it actually be good for our relationship? We don't plan on getting married (or even engaged) for a few years.

What do you think?

(If you believe we're living in sin, please don't bring that up because that's not a solution - I've heard that opinion before and obviously did not apply it to my life).

GOSH you all gave me such good advice - thank you so much!

I may or may not move out just yet - but I will talk things out with him and try to be more understanding of what he's feeling. I will also get more of a life (ha!) and not plan everything around him. This will make me more confident, less bored, and will give him enough space to appreciate me when I am there and actually WANT me to be there.

Thanks again, you guys rock! I'm going to pick one best answer even though I want to pick, like, 5...

Answer 1

This is all really quite simple. If you can not make this work now and move out it is quite simply over and if it is not it should be. Communication is the key in a relationship and if you can't do that just living together how are you going to make decisions regarding marriage? You both have to figure out how to make this work or split. Living together can be tough I know and it requires compromises on both sides. You boyfriend needs to grow up a bit. Being dependant on him means you want to spend time with him and talk, that's what women do. It's natural for your boyfriend to feel a bit closed in but a mature guy recognizes this and understands this. But a mature women understands this as well. He might love you to death but still just not know how to deal with this big thing of living together. The way it works is you both kind of have your own life but bring the two parts together. Here's what you do....... find things to do such as work, friends, whatever. He will start thinking that he has to try harder to get your attention. He might start thinking about what got him where he is now..... talking to you, being romantic and such. At this point he is taking you for granted. If you were to move out all of this would kick in but you are together now. He just needs a bit of help from you. If he needs space give it to him. No sex no nothing from you. Soon enough he will try harder. One thing is well you need to find and have friends that live together successfully or are married. He and you will have someone to talk to about this and see that this is how it goes. It takes work and time but the return is....... undescribable.

Answer 2

Moving out doesn't mean you have to break up. However, if you don't find a solution to the problems you're having, that is how it will end.

Does he think you're emotionally or financially dependent upon him? Did you live on your own before moving in with him? Having a place of your own - no roommates - is a great way to establish both financial and emotional independence. Perhaps you both just need to mature a bit more before you're ready for marriage. There's nothing wrong with that.

However, you also need to be aware that your boyfriend may be trying to gently back out of this relationship. If he is, you have to let him go. Forcing someone to do something they don't want to do always turns out poorly.

I would strongly suggest that, if you do stay together, live together again before getting married so you don't go down the same path. It's better to find your problems now than after you're married for a few years.

Answer 3

Truth is yes it is a step back I actually went through this before and truth is I was mad when this happened because he was the one that had me move in there sure I could have said no but when you first meet some one you dont think about those things anyways I found out that moving out was not a bad Idea our relationship got better and I am doing my own things with out needing him. SO sure if might be a negative thing but it does not mean it wont become positive girl you said it staight up you dont want him to resent you if you love each other listen to each other it works. Good luck.

Answer 4

YES: moving out is taking a step back, but sometimes its what you both need. Maybe if you move out he will realize how much he LOVES and misses you. My then boyfriend moved out once, he left for 2 months, and at the end of the two months, he missed me SO BAD... he could hardly stand it. We got back together and about 8 months later, got engaged and have NOW been happily married for quite some time. Good luck.

Answer 5

Have you tried being more independant while still living together? Hobbies, friends, just getting out of each others' space for awhile...I think that's where you should begin. Moving back out is a big hassle. And then, at least to me, it seems like the odds would be higher that you two would decide to go your separate ways instead of moving back in together.

Answer 6

Well... Why do you want to move out? My idea is... women need to be dependent. Most of them. We feel comfortable depending on our boyfriends, husbands. You need to talk to him and make him understand that you being dependent of him makes you feel safe. If that's how you feel. If he doesn't like it, then maybe you do need to step back and let things chill for a while, then try again. If it really doesn't work, you know what you gotta do. Good luck!

Answer 7

well
if u leave
yes it means the relationship could be or should be over
work out ur differences communicate with eachother
and stop being dependent on him

it will make u a stronger person

Answer 8

if u move out---yes take it as a sign that the relationship is over---quite being so dependant---and things will get better

Answer 9

yes, of COURSE it's a step back! "we were getting on each other's nerves" "he says I'm too dependent on him"..........good for you girl, move out and move on.

Answer 10

i think u guyz shud break up.... obviously this guy gets on ur nerves becuz he doesn't truly luv u.... its jus 4 sex... when u meet ur true luv ... he wud want u to b dependant on him and he wudn't want to hav sexual relationship.... he wud luv u to the dearmost and wud think bout sex and all tht only after marriage...... indeed he wud recomment u guyz staying 2gether and he wud b the 1 after u..... i think ur bf is jus a bluff .....srry but tht's the truth...... u gotta accept it!