My illness hurting me and my soon to be husband relationship...?

Question

My boyfreind and I have been together for maybe over a two year or so. I was told I had cancer a few years ago before him and I met. A month or two ago I got worse. My boyfriend asked me to marry him. I gladly said yes. The next day he was shuting me out. I asked him what was wrong and alway said "Nothing". I never asked him to help me or even take care of me. He has done it all him self. Now talking to him is harder. I do love him and understands that it hard on him. We go and talk to someone already. He wont talk to me our her. He wont talk about anything dealing with me being sick.. How can I help him talk to me about this?

Answer 1

I think that he loves you a lot and that is the reason he won't talk about your illness. He feels afraid of losing you and want to spend all the rest of the time left for you both together happy without thinking about your illness. what he is trying to do is not shut you out, but ignore the illness to feel that it is not there.

Your illness is very hard on you, but for the person who loves you it is even harder. When the times comes for you to let go, you will find peace, but those who remain here will miss you and find it difficult to live without their missing loved ones.

I advice you to be strong. You need your boyfriend's love to get through, and he needs you to make his days happy.

Answer 2

It's very hard to deal with someone who has a severe illness if you love them. He's probably trying to pretend that it's not real in his own mind. Talking about it makes it too real to him and very hard to discuss. If he asked you to marry him, he must love you. You say you already talked to someone but it looks like he didn't have much to say at the meeting. Try making an appointment for him to see her alone without you present. That way he can open up and face his fears only to her. Don't bring up the subject of your illness, let him do it when he's ready. If he's helping take care of you maybe during one of these times when your thanking him ask him if he is bothered by whatever is going on at the moment. Bringing it up casually and not getting into a long discussion. This might give him the opportunity to say what's on his mind. Good luck and God Bless You

Answer 3

Knowing someone important to you is sick by cancer (a sometimes fatal disease) is hard on the best of people. He obviously wants to be there for you but he is probably frustrated at not being able to help cure you. This is what people do when in love - they want to protect you from the world and when they can't, frustration begins, and in the end they'll shut you out until they deal with their own emotions. Give him time as he is probably grieving your health, just like you do when someone dies. But don't give him time if you don't have it and you can't get him to talk to you about this, he must deal with his emotions first before he can tell you what's on his mind and in his heart.

Answer 4

Understand that your illness is probably scaring him. Some people can't deal with the thought of losing someone they love. He might be dealing with feelings of guilt.
Have either of you checked out the support groups for families of cancer patients? Maybe he needs to know he is not alone in his feelings and if he can get into a comfortable situation (without you being there) in order to deal with his feelings. I know my mom's husband benefited from a group of husbands whose wives were cancer patients. It was just them, no spouses or female doctors, and it made them comfortable enough to talk.
Find ways of helping him deal with it and he should soon be able to be more open and sharing with you.
Good luck with your treatments and with him!

Answer 5

I think maybe he asked you to marry him thinking you turn him down. I suggest you back things up a bit and remove the pressure. Tell him you want to postpone any wedding deal you two have made until you two can get your emotions working in the same direction.

Answer 6

U can clearly see that he love you without doubt. He know that you are sick still he wanna marry. I know is hard for him some times. Maybe he is under pressure or some sort. Don't worry too much about him. As long as he still love you everything will be fine.

Answer 7

Take him to a quiet place where it is just the two of you guys. Tell him that you understand that he is feeling hurt about the situation that he is in. Be sure not to make him feel like it is his fault. Tell him how it makes you feel when he acts like this. Be honest to him and look at possible solutions TOGETHER. Together is vital as it will not exclude him in your life and he will abit secure as he sees that you are interested in how he feels about things. So be honest and tell him to open up to you as you will not judge him. Best of luck amigo as this is not an easy task to do.

Answer 8

Find a cancer support group. Many hospitals have these, or listings for them. Even if he won't open up in private sessions, in a group situation he will hear others voice concerns he has locked inside. This will help him deal with things better. Please resolve this issue before you marry, for both of your sakes.

Answer 9

Try asking his best buddy or his family to talk to him and see whats really going on. It seems like he got scared of having the thoughts of how your life will be once you are married or how he will support you.

Answer 10

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