Why do my siblings Distance themselves?

Question

I have several siblings in various states (between ages 36-16 years). They all seem to resent me. When I had called or emailed them they act all cold and distant. They do not respond to my emails or keep me up to date with their lives or even changes of address and phone numbers. I always hear things second hand from my parents.

When my birthdays came around they never acknowledge it, they were not at my wedding and haven't done anything for major holidays. However I have called them on their birthdays, attended their weddings and birth of thier children and try to keep them up to date. It's been years and I've slowly stopped contacting them because they have not acknowlege me.

I am very close with my parents, in-laws, my best friends and co-workers. I have great relationships and a wonderful life. But my sibilings ignore me. My mother is getting remarried and I'm closer to my soon to be step-siblings than my actual sibilings. Any suggestions on how to get over this resentment?

I just wanted to add that my siblings never attend family events when my parents or I have tried to coordinate things. We have gotten together for birthdays, holidays, cookouts, etc. maybe once or twice over the MANY years. I'm 26 years old and as I said, they are between 36-16 years old.

Answer 1

You have a reason to be resentful. The quickest way to get over resentment is happiness. Try to forget about your sibs and get on with your life. It sounds as if you have a great life and a lot of people who love you and love to be around you.

I know it hurts you, it hurts me the way my bro and sis don't want me in their lives, but there is nothing we can do about it. Try to go on and be happy. I plan on being there for them if they ever change their minds.

We can't control how others act, we can only control how we act.

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I'd say it's because they have their own life and like it to be kept private. My sister / brother are open books and yet if you were to ask them anything about me, they wouldn't even know. Besides, we all have our own kids, lives, work, etc. and it's hard to get together once a year at Xmas (which I don't even look forward to anymore as I hate nothing more than to listen to their whining, arguing, bitching, and complaining about everything in their lives and in the world) let alone keep eachother up-to-date on everything in our lives. We know where the other 2 siblings live, if we are that curious, we stop in about once every 2 years to catch up. That's all we can stand of eachother anyway.

Answer 3

I had to tell mine like it is. I wrote each one a letter explaining in detail how I felt, and how tired I was of being shunned. I went on to say that I was not going to break my neck trying to be nice anymore, that I did my part and the rest was going to be up to them. Shame on them, and your siblings too. They needed to hear that it takes 2 to have a relationship. Are you the youngest? I have a younger brother, but my sisters all acted like they didn't have time for me anymore, once they moved out. Try to understand that they do have their own lives and blah, blah, however that is still not a good excuse for neglecting family. Eventually my sisters started e mailing and calling me. But I don't pester them about it anymore, if they call, they call. and I just leave it at that. One of these days they will be old and regret treating you the way they did. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

ok, i am not sure what happen in your past. if there were any bitter memories, i think you should reconcile and visit them.

maybe they need some time by themselves. for me, i have younger siblings, i would prefer to let them have their own lives as they would be mature enough to do so, however keeping contact once in a while.

i would say continue to keep contact with your original blood siblings and also your step siblings.

it will be tough, but i would prefer that you keep more contact with your original siblings as they were with you when you were a child and the bond is stronger.

Answer 5

Patti C is right. Life is too short to worry about what some is thinking about you and not expressing feeling wheter good or bad.

Move on and enjoy life to the fullest, avoid the negativity.

Answer 6

THEY HAVE KNOW FAMILY VALUES, THEY WERE NOT TAUGHT. MY HUSBAND HAS 3 BROTHERS THAT WILL HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM, AND NO EXPLANATION. WE FINALLY QUIT SENDING B-DAY CARDS AND DECIDED IT WAS THEIR LOSS. WE DECIDED IT WAS TO TOXIC.COULDN'T BE HAPPIER.