waking up...pregnant, scared, hurt and not knowing what will happen next...?

Question

I was left by my boyfriend when I was 3 months pregnant, I am now 5 months along and trying my very best to get through all of this without loosing my sanity. See, he left me with an apartment we shared that I cant afford, a baby, and most of all, a broken heart. We planned this pregnancy and i thought it was what he wanted...now he is telling people it isnt his kid, and there is no reason for him to even think that let alone tell people that. I dont want to be with him anymore...but I wake up every morning from a bad nights sleep because I spend my days crying because the things he says hurt me so bad...and I am frightened of what may happen once the baby is born. He told me once that he would give me full custody because he doesnt think its a "good idea" to be in the childs life...and I DONT WANT HIM IN IT...i realize now how unstable he is and the lies he tells...are just heinous...but what if he belives his own lies that its not his child? And he goes back on not wanting custody?

Not only am I so frightened about what will happen, the things he has done, the lies,the rumors, the hurt...being lonesome...i dont know how much longer i can live with it. I am so low right now that I just feel like quitting my job,sitting around my house,and maybe,just hopefully, disapearing...I cant even get a good nights sleep because I wake up from nightmares about him,and what he might do...and I remember the hurt,and how it is still hurting and he keeps making this situation even worse then it was to begin with...I dont have many people that are reliable to talk to...and that makes it even harder to just move on and count it as a loss...sure, i know he is a bad person, and he has rights to the child because he is the father...but how can someone who denied their child, left it,said he didnt want custody because it would be "too hard" able to walk in and out when he feels like it once the child is born? And how can he be this cruel to keep taking the little I have left of life?

Answer 1

There is no one right or wrong answer for your question my dear. What you need is someone to talk to. I would be glad to be that someone. Worse things have happened to women in your situation and they have gotten through it. I think you just have to decide that you want to get through it. It is so easy to give up on everything especially when your heart is broken.
What will make you feel better is you. If you have no one to turn to, no parents you can go home to, then its time you take responsibility for the situation you are in. Begin to love yourself. Make yourself look beautiful and feel beautiful. If there is nothing you can do about any of the other things going on in your life, the very least you can do is treat yourself well. Don't wait for he or anyone else to do it for you.

You will be so proud and self-assured once you have pulled yourself through this. There is no greater sense of pride or security than the one you will feel once you realize that you can TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAMN SELF. I once told my bestfriend that I couldn't afford to raise my kids. I was in your situation with my first daughter 8 years ago. Anyway, my bestfriend told me that even when it doesn't seem like we can or the finances don't match the responsibilities, we manage to survive. Part of that survival is mother's love for her child. You will find that once that life is in the world, cooing and smiling at you, there is nothing that will deter you from giving life your all again.
A lot of times things seem like the end of the world and its ironic because when you have the opportunity to sit down and look back at it, you realize it was just a beginning.

Sure it sounds all philisophical, but I and we have lived it time and time again. Women have been in your situation time and time again from the beginning of time. You choose to stand or fall.

I have experience, and inspirational stories for all the answers I give. I have experienced a lot and most of the time i don't let it get me down, because astoundingly I'm still here. A lot of days, that has been the only reason I could find to love myself. Because I never left me. When everyone else is happy at home with their families, in the midst of my suffering I have to love myself for standing with me. What I am saying is DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. NO ONE CAN EVER LOVE YOU LIKE YOU ARE CAPABLE OF LOVING YOU. NO ONE WILL ALWAYS BE AROUND OR BE AROUND FOREVER. YOU MUST BECOME ABLE TO LIVE IN YOUR OWN SKIN AND BEGIN TO LOVE IT AGAIN.

IF YOU NEED HELP OR JUST SOMEONE TO TALK TO, I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT ALL OF MY EXPERIENCES AND TRY TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND ENCOURAGEMENT VIA MESSENGER. USHOULDNOIDONTPLAY

P.S. Don't worry about what he is saying because you know who will look like the fool in the end. The best thing you can do now is to stop listening to the BS or at least pretend like it doesn't bother you. If a person wants to make you cry, and they are able to do so, they will do it all the time, until you put a stop to the sh*& and stop crying. Not to say that you should never cry or you will never cry, but just don't cry for the public. You can find someone you can cry to, same sex friendship as not to get yourself in a worse situation or relationship. If not add me to your messenger list. Take care of you. You'll love yourself for it in the end.

Answer 2

Have you even thought of possibly putting the baby up for adoption? If you are already having financial problems and he will not support the baby what future will you have? Being a parent is a hard job and to do it alone is extremely hard. Sounds like you do not have a support system needed for being a single mom. There are millions of couples wanting to adopt, my friends have been on a list for 11 years waiting for a new born child they would be fabulous parents yet they are on a very long list.The stress and worry are not good for the baby. A open adoption will leave you with contact with the baby and without the financial burden you are looking at now not to mention studies show children of married couples succeed further in live than single parents. Look in your heart and do what is best for you and the child the father can be unknown on the birth certificate. Good luck

Answer 3

Ok for one, just from what you have said, you shouldn't keep the baby! you would only keep that baby out of guilt, give it up to a good home! plus, once you have given the baby up, your ex can't have anything to do with the child! DON'T PUT HIS NAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE! YOu would only be asking for trouble later!
I know how it sucks that women get laiden down with all the stupid things that men do to us, but women are strong! I'm sure you are strong! YOu have made it this far right?
If you give the child up, it will never know it's father abandoned him/her, and some adoptions are open where you can see the baby, and others can send you pictures so you know how she is doing!
I know how it hurts to break up with someone, it's horrible. But hey, i always told myself, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! You need to try your very best to move on, and learn from this experience! It will help when it comes to meeting other guys and trying to pick out the good ones from the bad ones!
He was a jerk and you have every right to be upset and hurt! But you have so much happening for you right now you can't focus on bad things! It's not good for the baby if you are stressed, be happy, you are still alive!
I wish there was more i could say, but keep going to work, it will help get your mind off this, and my advice, give the baby up, it will only remind you of this horrible time and you may come to resent that baby! Which is not fair to that innocent child!
Good Luck, i'll be praying for you!

Answer 4

I am too a single parent. Went through a whole pregnancy by myself, even lamaze class solo! The only thing you need to worry about it this growing child inside of you. The one thing I cannot stress enough is to TAKE HIM TO COURT as soon as the child is born! You will get help, you can get WIC as well right now even. Its amazing how things fall in place when we are at our lowest. Being a single parent makes you independent. I used to put up with guys bull****. Not anymore! I have been single for over 7 years. I recently got back with an ex and am now pregnant again and this time I choose to be alone. Get some sleep, be thankful that he is willing to give up the child and not fight for trying to take it away from you. Things could be much worse.

Answer 5

I am so sorry your going through all that and while your pregnant.
You need to know that your not alone in this world and there is help.I know its hard to move on, even more so when there's a child involved, but your going to have to just tell yourself that your a great person and you don't need him . He's the one who will regret his decision later in life. As far as custody of the baby, you can fight it if he tries to come back in the baby's life later on.If he goes a long time without seeing the child (1 year after birth) you could argue child abandonment. I hope this helps you and I wish you the best and I will pray for you and the baby. God bless!!!!!!

Answer 6

First of all very sorry to hear this sad story.Let me tell you one thing why do you want him when he says he dosent want you?Dont worry never think that you are alone there is one person always with you the saviour. You know you have a beautiful life growing inside yo take care of that.I know it is hard to forget what had happend but at this point of time you shud and must forget.think it as a bad dream.I will really pray to god and One miracle wud happen you know what you will always wake up seeing all good dreams.common cheer up!!!!.Do you know one thing it is a saying that what evr hapens in our life it all for something good and better.so dont lose hope live independentaly there is no harm tomorrow if that bastard comes back to you just tell him You have taught me to lead a life without you and now I have learnt it thre is no need of you in my life.In case if you get into another relationship just keep onething in mind never believe in boys they are all cheaters ,just get to know him more better even before surrendering yourslef to him.And regarding the rights since he left yu when you were just 5 months he has no rights on your or your baby.the responsibility of a father dosent finish as soon as he releases sperms into the females body.dont waorry take care.I'll pray for you.

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear about your situation. This is not a situation for a pregnant woman to find herself in. Your bf is a jerk. You need care and love right now.
Dont give up though. The best thing is to keep your job and to take care of yourself and your baby.
GET out , dont stay inside! You will only feel worse by staying inside and thinking over and over about him and how horrible he was to you. You will get depressed if you are not already.

Go somewhere, visit somebody, go to a library, or work a bit longer if you can, it will help you forget and you will get more money.

As for your bf. You are better without him than with him in your life. Be happy that you found out what kind of a person he is, now than later.
Dont cry for him. Tell yourself : He is not worthy of my love and my tears.
Try to find somebody else to share the appartment with.

Answer 8

i went through the same situation u are going through now a few years ago. My ex left me when i was 5 months pregnant, then turned around and wanted back in my life, of course since being with him for 5 years i let him back in, well he turns around and leaves again when i was 6 1/2 months along. After the baby was born he then wanted back in, he wanted to see the baby etc...after our son was 2 he decided he wanted back out, this time i didnt stop him, my son is now 5 years old of yesterday and is starting pre-school in two days and is doing wonderful. I got through it from friends and family talking to me and telling me to stand up for what i believe in and that was not worrying about my ex but worrying about the baby we brought into the world. It is hard im not going to lie, but its the most wonderful experience to have my son look up at me and seeing im his hero. One thing i was told and ill believe it forever and that is: any man can be a daddy but it takes one hell of a man to be a Father! and hon the guy you are talking about isnt a father, if you would like someone to talk too look me up sweetheart_kisses_2000 i will be more then glady to talk to you.

Answer 9

If you can afford to have a paternity test done, get it done. If he doesn't want anything to do with the child after that, have him sign away his rights. Once he does that, he has no financial or emotional responsibility to YOUR child. He sound like a jerk, try to move on...I know it is hard. You will find someone better, someone that deserves you! Try to keep your head up and just focus on the fact that soon you will have a beautiful child to love.

Answer 10

It sure sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.

It also sounds like you might be suffering from depression (with good reason I might add).
Don't quit your job, it will only make matters worse.
See your ob/gyn and explain to them what has been going on.
I am not sure what med's you can take while pregnant but I am sure that they have something they can help you out with.
You might also want to get an appointment with a qualified therapist.
Just turn your insurance card over and call the customer service number on the back of it.
They will give you numbers of the closest therapists to you.

Everyone needs help now and then, don't be afraid to reach out for it.
You have been treated harshly, right now you need to be gently with yourself, and give yourself every opportunity to get help and support, call your doctor right away.

Wishing you only the best.....