I feel so guilty and worthless?

Question

I have worked hard all my life,but a bad injury I got while in the Army has resurfaced again,and now I unable to work. I have filed for all the social benifits,to inculde my VA penison.But I still feel alot of guilt asking for hand outs,cause I'm afraid people will think I'm to lazy to work and a bum.I've worked hurt for several months before stopping work,but I cannot go on any longer. How should I look at this to get this guilt go away

Answer 1

Todd, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You were injured serving our country. The fact that the injury has reservaced again is not your fault, I am also going through something similar, I too have worked hard all my life I am 50 years old, married,female and have 2 children. When I was younger my family (I was the only child) was very comfortable, my father was a coperate pilot for thirty years and my mother even though she (technically did not have a job) worked her butt off with various charities. In 1969 we decided to open an equestrian center as horses had alway been a part of my fathers life and mine as well. WE went through an incredible almost unbelievable amount of bad luck, in 1978 our home burned down, 11 days later our indoor arena went down the same day as the Hartford Civic Center, 19 months later we were hit by a tornado, but we persevered. When I married my husband, I honestly thought everything was perfect, until my inheritance ran out. In Feb of 2006 I was working for a large company as a warehouse worker and severly injured my shoulder, if it had not been for one of my co-workers, I would have been skrewed, he saw me leaving and asked why I told him I was going to the hospital because I had hurt my shoulder he would not let me leave the building without filling out an incident report, thank god I have been fighting with this company for6 months 2 months ago I had to hire a lawyer and last month had to have surgery, my husband,son, and daughter treat me like dirt now, I guess I was only valuable when I had money, I have no family of my own. You deserve anything you can get it's the pathetic people in this country who make false claims to receive benifits they do not deserve who are to blame. I hope you have a supportive family, I also have been treated for depression and panic attacks for years, do not be afraid to seek some sort of counseling if you need it or if necessary medication there is no shame in it, guilt and depression are also legitimate illnesses. You sound like a good person I know you will come out of this o.k. Be strong there are allot of good people out there in our position. MY e-mail is [e-mail] if you need someone to talk to. GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

There are two parts to the problem: one is the feeling of guilt and the other is fear of what people think of you. The key to the first part is to practice positive self-talk: whenever you find yourself saying "I am worthless, I am a bum" or some such, replace it with "I have had bad experiences, they are not my fault. I have suffered disabilities while defending my nation. How many people have given that much to their nation? Now it's time for the nation to pay its dues to me" This replacement ain't gonna be easy, but you have to practice.

The problem here is that somehow (bad parenting? parental abuse? Army influence?) you have been led to believe that your happiness is not of any importance, you deserve to be feeling miserable. That is not true. You have a right (more than many others in my personal opinion) to feel good about yourself.

Learn to love yourself, be forgiving to yourself if you have made any mistakes in the past. Once you start loving yourself, part two of the problem will go away! Do you know what's going on in your mind? Your parents (?) and the imaginary outer world are combining to beat you up, mentally. Replace them with understanding human beings. Then even if you find jerks saying these things about you, you will no longer care! Because your 'inner parent' has stopped joining forces with the jerk to beat you up emotionally, and instead loves you.

So try the posotive self-talk. And hey, few people really feel that way. It's your imagination playing tricks on you. I, for one, know the difference between a welfare scamster bum and an injured veteran!

Answer 3

It's hard to make the guilt go away, especially if you were brought up with a good work ethic. I have degenerative disc disease and to look at me I am healthy and look physically able, if I had to say "no" to some tasks at work people looked at me like I was just trying to get out of doing a job. I changed careers, I have more control of how much I work, can work around my good days and bad days. I cannot work a 40 hour week, I cannot work a 10 hour day. I can't sit for more than an hour, I can't stand for more than an hour.
You will need to find something productive to occupy your mind, working makes you feel like you are contributing to society. If you can find another way to contribute it will help.

Answer 4

I feel that if you were serving our country in the army when you got this injury then in my opinion you have given a sacrifice for us. You have compromised your health to serve us. You need not feel guilty. I would be proud to say that you have done your service.
As for feeling worthless I understand why you might feel that way. Do you have a family? Kids? a wife? Do you give them emotional support and love? Then you are not worthless.
Find a hobby that does not reinjure you and do what you can to fill your day with things that don't hurt and that make you happy. Voluenteer in scouts or at church. There are a lot of ways to get over this feeling/

Answer 5

F*** them, who cares what they think? You are not asking for handouts, you earned these benefits. No one begrudges you. You are way too hard on yourself. I dont know how old you are, but take care of the problem and see if you can get some education or training in some other field where you wont be in pain, or find a hobby or volunteer somewhere where you can make a difference, a school, youth group, mentoring, whatever. There is a huge need for volunteers, and dont underestimate your value, you have a lot of experience to offer. Dont give in to those feelings of low self esteems...sometimes this stuff happens so we can move in another direction in our lives

Answer 6

Is there no job you could do that your injury wouldn't affect too much? Depending on what kind of injury and what level of education you have, you might be able to get some kind of non-physical job that won't bother you so much. If you're sure there's NO job you can do properly, then I'm not sure what you could do to free yourself from feeling guilty except remembering 'This isn't my fault, I don't have a choice.'.

Answer 7

listen pal, I'm in the same boat as you, i was in the service too, i became a peace officer for 15 years, and so on, things just happen all you have to do is not think of the negative stuff. just say i bet all my friends want to be like me.. I'm still alive i can do anything i want. and i bet that with the strong will you have what ever you say you can have. believe in yourself damn it.. hell,,,, i go through it all the time but it gets to be a challenge after awhile.

Answer 8

You served our country. Maybe you can do some volunteer work that does not interfer with your injury. Chin up. Everything will be fine

Answer 9

health is the most important thing we have in life!

Take care of yourself now so that you may be able to take on new jobs in the future- or if this is the way it is, that your body needs constant care- accept that fact and just be good to yourself.

Have respect for your body!

Good luck to you!

:-)

Answer 10

continue to pursue the benefits angle....and start volunteering....it makes you feel good. Also...see a therapist...and stick with it. Things will only get better!! Keep smiling