my boyfriend and i are swingers and last night we had a couple over. i told him condoms were MANDATORY and didn't use one. he told me that she kept pulling on him so he didn't have time to put one on and when i got upset he didn't understand why i was getting upset. this woman works in a hospital but still she didn't look 100% to me so i was crying last night after the couple left and he didn't think it was a big deal. i have been with him for a year and i don't want to get something now just because one of us had unprotected sex. would i be wrong if i with held sex from him for about a week because he didn't stop this female and say hold on one second i have to use a condom.
2006-08-21 02:54:02 · 23 answers · asked by Erin O 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Withholding for an argument shouldn't be done. Withholding because of fear of catching something IS a valid concern.
That said, what he did was wrong. It's a priviledge to get to indulge in other fun. That priviledge should not be abused. Give him a smack across the face for me.
2006-08-21 03:01:26 · answer #1 · answered by Yada Yada Yada 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never been in this situation because I don't swing. But to answer you question. I would be mad also just because of the diseases that are about. If you are really worried have him get checked out or something. Chances are that girl probably didn't have anything and not because of working in the hospital. Most people who that if they know they do then they are more cautious when it comes to sex. I am terrified by the thought of that so I would make him where protection or get tested. I would be more careful choosing partners next time. If you love your man then stay with him.
2006-08-21 03:03:19 · answer #2 · answered by Crazychick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't withhold sex to punish him. He's not your child, but your partner. Instead, you should discuss your concerns and why it is important to you. I'd be concerned about VD, AIDs, HPV and hep C. Especially, if his partner is a nurse. Accidental needle pricks happen all of the time in the hospital. I would tell him you're concerned about the potential of these diseases and that you want hiim to get tested. I would also make him wear a condom wtih you until you have test results that verify he's clean. Also, his statement that he didn't have time to put one one is B.S. He didn't want to put one on. As I guy, I can say wearing condoms suck, but you can't play around in open situations.
2006-08-21 03:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by Ph_D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wouldn't it be better to put him through the paces? make him go get tested. tell him you're not going to have sex of any kind until he's tested.
just because someone works in a hospital doesn't make them a clean person and the same goes for appearance sake, just because someone looks clean doesn't necessarily means that they are.
So punishing him by witholding sex kind of defeats the purpose since you both are swingers. usually deny your partner sex could backfire on you.
the best thing to do is to have him get tested.
2006-08-21 03:03:59 · answer #4 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about withhold sex until he's been tested?!?!?!? A week isn't enough to tell if he caught something from that other woman. Not for me to judge your lifestyle, but if you do that sort of thing, I guess you have to expect a certain amount of risk. Maybe you should find somebody who only wants to be one-on-one with you, since that obviously upset you. His "it's not a big deal" attitude really sux too - he's trying to make you sound paranoid or freakish because of your concerns. If he wants to catch something (STDs are rampant) then that's HIS problem, but you shouldn't have to be exposed because he's not only careless but could care less . . .
2006-08-21 03:03:27 · answer #5 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A week is WAY too short IMO. In addition to him violating a rule that you VERY EXPLICITLY STATED (as opposed to simply assuming he would know), there are some diseases that don't show up on tests immediately - he could be HIV positive and you might not know for SIX MONTHS!
I say at least two weeks, and if he wants back in after that, he'd better get a copy of that woman's complete sexual history, and copies of the most recent STD bloodwork testing she's undergone.
I'd also say that if he knocked her up, y'all are through, whether she keeps the fetus or not, but I'm rabid like that.
2006-08-21 03:03:09 · answer #6 · answered by Katie S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sex is not a weapon nor should it be used as an means to an end. That being said, not having sex because you don't want to is perfectly OK. And when you have sex again, ensure that he wears a condom. A trip to the doc for a blood test wouldn't hurt either.
2006-08-21 03:04:07 · answer #7 · answered by tallerfella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have a problem with condoms fitting as I do, most are to small Trojan makes a condom that can be ordered through the com. and at some stores that are bigger than the magnums. If this is why he did not use one try these. If it was because he did not want to use one leave him because he does not care about you.
2006-08-21 03:08:06 · answer #8 · answered by dg_154u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The right thing to do is make him use a condom with you until he gets tested. And don't go setting some arbitrary timeline of no sex. If you don't want to have sex with him, don't. But don't just pick a random day on the calendar and say, ok, I won't be mad anymore then so we can have sex.
2006-08-21 03:01:53 · answer #9 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's pretty careless of him. But if you withhold sex for a week, you're punishing yourself, too. I'd suggest you make him wear condoms with you for the next 6 months - until he has a clean AIDS test - so he understands why you're so upset.
And the next time you have someone over, make him sit out the first round.
2006-08-21 03:02:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋