Judge my poem please!!!!?

Question

Maybe we never were
maybe we shouldnt be
maybe it wasnt suppose to happen
maybe there wasnt meant to be a we

maybe you just happened
to be the greatest thing in my life
maybe i was just stupid
to envision myself as ur wife

maybe it was doomed from the very start
maybe it was not really our fault
every one had to put their two cents in
i just want all this to halt

i wish we could go back
to when we first started going out
to when no one knew about us
back then i didnt have to doubt

i never got insecure
i never felt sad
i never thought it would eventually end
i never felt bad

i just wish every one would stay out
that they wouldnt bother you and me
that they wouldnt cause so much trouble
that they would just let us be!

can you tell me what you like and dislike about this poem and what you think its about??? any comment is apprieciated ok i dont mind if its praise or not. thanks!

yeh i did rite this! it only took like 5-10 mins so its only rough i have to perfect it!

Answer 1

The couplet/ABAB rhyme scheme will always add a juvenile quality to your writing. Try to say what you need in fewer words, too. Maybe work on the vocab a little.

Answer 2

I find it is much more glass half empty than glass half full. Most people like a more positive message and your poem give a very negative message. This is someone who you like and I would change the last four lines the reflect more of the joy you have with the person than the negativity it seems others are causing your relationship. Something like this:

I wish everyone would see what's evident to me
They would know that joy we feel is good for you and me
They would be better for this special thing
this special relationship that grows between you and me

I am not a poet - but I hope this gives you an idea - let your heart single its positive praises and how you feel things should be in a positive way. I hope I helped.

Answer 3

Cant rather decide a poem, one individual will locate it too cliche at the same time as yet another will locate it remarkable. So maximum human beings can in basic terms grant our concepts and innovations. we won't be able to and would no longer make the poem adjust to our very own standards or to the factors of a few e book via fact poetry itself, besides via fact the poet, evolve. It varies from usa to usa and from individual to individual. As no individual can decide yet another, poems and how they say their unsayables can't be judged. "There are no longer any sturdy poets Neither there are any undesirable poets What we've judged would be judged interior the stupidity i'm no Shakespeare Neither i'm Pablo Neruda i'm in basic terms who i'm Writing those lines which will on no account rhyme ..." "Why may be some one drawn to those lines which has semantically no intending to fall to triumph over i'm dumb *** poet earlier somebody might like it to call it rather is okay that I even have been rejected i do no longer know possibly thousand circumstances they do no longer settle to your writings..."

Answer 4

I understand what you are saying so that is a better start then any. I like the way your poem flows at times and other times your thoughts get lost in the emotion of what you are trying to say so that makes it seem jumbled at times. Write with your heart and try not to let your mind be the judge of what you say. Just feel it not think it. You are good but with time you will get better alot better just let it flow and not worry about how you are wording it till its done you will see that it will only make you better. 5/10

Answer 5

Quite expressive, very emotional. Might make some changes to the tempo though by removing some of the words so the lines are more metered. Ever written a poem that doesn't rhyme? Very freeing experience.

Answer 6

You are down to earth. You are good. You can get better. and here is a poem for you.:

THIS AND THAT

This and that;
Which is which,
And which is what;
That is the way
We look at life;
Find the explanations
So fast.

How and why
Are now the questions,
That keep us awake
Till the dawn;
Wishing yesterday
Was not gone,
When life was simply
This and that.

Answer 7

It's a good poem.
The best line:
Myabe there wasn't meant to be a we.

I love this line.
I'll give you 6 out of ten. It lacks of figurative. Really direct and straightfoward. Simple to understand. No title. I think the best title to fit this poem is "Of Maybe and Be"

Answer 8

I write poetry and I think this is beautiful. The more emotion the better, I feel! Poetry is suppose to bring out how you truly feel and I can feel that through this. Keep up the great work!!!

Answer 9

poem is nice, but what it say's about you is what gets me.
i write music, and after playing 5-or 6 songs for a new hometown band, i was ask.......are you still with her?
when i sit down and read half of what i had wrote over 13 years it dawned on me....
i was much to young to feel this damn old...
i filed for divorce and have never been happier in my life.....
i understand it's just a poem, and sometimes i write with a theme in mind, ya know about momma passed away or something......and she is alive and well,
all i'm saying if this one was from the heart......read what your life is about in it. and if it's not.........good work!

Answer 10

I think it's great! About a person writing to someone they once loved and now it's over because of people who are always interfering in their lifes. I love it! Absolutely amazing",)