My gf and I have been dating for 6 years...and she wants to get married...She asked me about marriage 3 years ago and I told her I wasn't ready cuz I had just gotten out of school, but now 3 years later she asked me again about getting married and I told her I wasn't ready and that I wanted to earn some money before even thinking about settling down and she says she understands... but our friends are wondering when we will tie the knot, and so she responds by saying sh!t like "Hey I am ready, he is the one who isn't ready" ...How do I get her off my case!?! Why doesn't she realize I am not ready! I am 28 and she is 26, I have been working for 3 years and she just graduated from college and wants to know when we can get hitched...I told her "what's the rush? It's all downhill once you get married anyway.." so why doesn't she just wait? I, personally don't think I will even be ready to think about marriage for at least another 3 or 4 years...so why does she keep rushing me?
2006-08-21 01:48:21 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I asked her to move in with me, but she says she won't unless we are married. She asked me to at least consider getting engaged and I told her that I AM NOT READY!!! I won't be ready for at least another 3 or 4 years...so what's the big deal.
2006-08-21 01:49:05 · update #1
I cheated on her once a long time ago and she knows about it...I had a kid with the other chick...although the other chick and I don't keep in touch anymore...is that why she might be hounding me?
2006-08-21 01:49:20 · update #2
Why doesn't she realize marriage is a mere legal formality, and that its only about legal documents, joint accounts and credit....Why the hell is she not being understanding? WHY WON'T SHE JUST WAIT ANOTHER 3 OR 4 YRS? Besides we have been together for 6 yrs ...what's a few more gonna do...right?
2006-08-21 01:51:18 · update #3
umm... commitment issues - she needs to find someone who won't keep putting her off like you do!
2006-08-21 01:55:13 · answer #1 · answered by River rock 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW...Lol. Thanks for ALL the details. Well...it looks likes she just wants to make it "official" that ya'll will be together. And it sorda looks like if you've talked to her about it and she's still pushing it and being rude about it then, she's not understanding you...so either you need to re-think if she is even "the one" or you need to sit down with her and tell her how your not ready. Tell her you want ya'lls wedding to be special...let alone ya'lls whole life together, and for all that to happen you would want to save some money so the wedding can be spectacular, tell her that you love her and she shouldn't need a wedding or a ring to tell her that. It's good that you spoke up though, because if you feel your not ready and do it anyway...you'll regret it later. And She needs to respect your decision and wait as long as it takes...I think she should realize that one day you'll be hers forever...and if i knew that about my boyfrined...i'd wait how ever long it took, because i know that when the day comes...and he ask's me...it'll be special, and he'll really mean it...and i'll know were both ready, which is the most amazing feeling ever (not that i've felt it---but it sounds like a powerful feeling). Anyways...i think you get what i'm trying to say...so i'mma stop blabbing. Good Luck!!!
2006-08-21 01:58:45 · answer #2 · answered by Nanner♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just flat out tell her you never want to get married.,she might move on and then you'll have another 3 or 4 years again to decide what you want to do. It seems to be the magic numbers for you. I don't think you really want to marry anyone and that's okay but be a man and tell her your true feeling why your scared of commitment Stop making excuses and talk to her. Just don't wait another 3 yrs to do that either.
2006-08-21 02:10:39 · answer #3 · answered by nicknacpattymac 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is no perfect time to get married to say you are not ready with out any real reason is cold feet when she says something like that the simply answer that is correct with no further explanation i understand wanting to have a nest egg to start with but at some point you are going to have to examine the reasons you are not ready. and if you come to the conclusion that you two should not be together then cut bait and move on because it is not fair to her keeping her waiting for an answer thats not gonna come
2006-08-21 02:02:58 · answer #4 · answered by javaboogieroast 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you shouldnt married until your ready and you can't expect her to wait forever. What would the harm be in gettting engaged? An engagement can last for years ya know. Just continue to be open and honest with her about you not being ready. Lots of woman feel the "urge" to marry around her age. Not to mention the children factor kicks in soon as well. I hope your not making excuses because you really can lose her BUT dont do it until your ready or you will regret....but I bet you would regret losing her too huh? tick! tick! tick!
2006-08-21 01:59:15 · answer #5 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you intend on being with her for the rest of your life? If you can answer that question, then you know what to do. Yes=marry her, No=let her go. You are not being fair to her by keeping in limbo. She's not getting any younger. If you truly love her and are afraid of committing to her, you should still let her go. If it is meant to be, then it will happen eventually or she will just marry someone else and you can be a bachelor for how ever long you want to.
2006-08-21 02:10:20 · answer #6 · answered by HazelEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry her. Are you honestly going to be ready in 3 or 4 years? It doesn't look like you two are in sync. And you really need to be to have a good wholesome relationship (married or not). In my opinion, I don't think this will work. Cut her loose so she can find the kind of man and future she's looking for.
2006-08-21 02:00:37 · answer #7 · answered by ☆skyblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your so stupid if you cant see! she loves you alot OBVIOUSLY if she didnt leave u when u cheated on her. you need to stop being selfish for at least one minute and look at her point of view. i'm not saying marry her, thats your choice, but if not, then just move on cuz to me it seems like your using her as a prize. stop messing with her heart. its been 6 years, that seems like a long time to be dating and not even consider marriage. think about how she feels, cuz the whole essay you wrote seems to be about how YOU feel and how YOUR not ready. ask her why she wants to get married, then without thinkning about yourself, see where she's coming from. she's also got her friends and family pressuring her alot too. think about that too.
2006-08-21 02:01:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her a break! Either agree to marriage, which you don't really want (What will be your excuse 3 or 4 years from now?), or admit the truth to her that you do not want a life time commitment, and let her chose between a casual relationship or no relationship. She does desire a life, also.
2006-08-21 02:00:01 · answer #9 · answered by ElOsoBravo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that she afraid that some other girl will take u away from her or other guy that she doesn't interested in have crushed into her and want some serious relationship with her and the guy still want her eventhough that guy know that she loves u very much
i think u should discuss it rasionally with her and tell her the real reason why u don't want to marry yet and why she really want to marry with u
i hope that u can solve your problem before it become worst
2006-08-21 02:47:49 · answer #10 · answered by ME!gurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she HAS been waiting for you to be ready. If you do plan to marry her in the future make sure you let her know, and she can decide wether she wants to wait for you or not.
2006-08-21 01:58:18 · answer #11 · answered by greatgurl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋