personally I always think of witty retorts about 10 minutes after I should have said them, but my a bloke once asked a female friend of mine if she'd ever been mistaken for a man, and she replied "no, have you?". I wet myself laughing. can you beat this?
2006-08-21 01:47:14 · 28 answers · asked by monkeynuts 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Languages
it may well have been from a film but i was still pretty impressed that she came out with it
2006-08-21 01:57:35 · update #1
and this one - when someone asks you for a light - "no, but i've got a match, your face and my ****"
2006-08-21 01:59:28 · update #2
There was this one kid at my school (popular football jock) and he was dating this popular cheerleader. She is gorgeous, but a total prude, so they broke up. However, he was telling everyone how he had slept with her. He saw her walking down the locker room hall (my locker was directly across from his) and he started telling his friend loudly, "So then, she moaned for me to take off her clothes..." so she could hear this. The cheerleader turns around and says, "The only time I would ever tell you to take off my clothes was if you were wearing them!" There were tons of people who heard this, including myself, and we all started busting up and cheering her on. It was hilarious! You should have seen the look of horror in his face, and his friend laughed too. Definitely, one of my best high school moments.
2006-08-21 02:03:45 · answer #1 · answered by Green-Eyed Gal 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Witty one liners about tattos
Why did you get the tatoo?
Or Why the tatto?
To cover up the 666 birthmark.
I got it in prison for killing someone who asked too many questions.
If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
It was part of the initiation.
The voices in my head told me to.
I dunno, why'd you get that haircut?
When asked did it hurt?
I don't remember, I was too busy screaming.
Not as much as looking at you.
When told "That's permanent, you know."
So's a nose/boob job, maybe you should consider one.
When they say "I would never do that."
I would never wear that....
Other one liners:
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
Are u talking to me or chewing a brick.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
I'm not a complete idiot, some of the parts are missing!
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
2006-08-21 04:22:39 · answer #2 · answered by vincegill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Winston Churchill was never on very friendly terms with Nancy Astor (American born first female MP). They often exchanged disparaging remarks. On one occasion she says to him Sir You are drunk! to which he replied
Madam you are ugly - but I shall be sober in the morning.
My other favourites include
I've not had a c*nt all night drinkstable
I am so randy the crack of dawn better watch out
and one from a thirsty Aussie friend of mine
My throat's drier than a dead dingo's donger
it's really too early in the day for this sort of question - that's a comment by the way
2006-08-21 05:19:56 · answer #3 · answered by charlie r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a bar once a guy came up to my friend and said "can i buy you a drink?" and she said, "i'd rather have the money thanx" but i love chatup lines like:
Do you know what winks and makes love like a panther? (then wink)
I may not be fred flintstone, but i bet i can make your bed rock....
What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper!
I'm new in town, could i have directions to your house?
Hi, i just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down. Go ahead, say no....
You smell. Want to take a shower together? lol!
2006-08-21 02:52:17 · answer #4 · answered by missy minx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've heard some good ones, my mates debating at school had some great ones but the best ones I've heard recently were in G2 - responses to hecklers. My favourite? Someone telling Bono to stop clapping when he kept doing it saying "every time I clap, a child in africa dies"
2006-08-21 02:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"It's not the despair, I can stand the despair - It's the hope I can't stand."
Said by the John Cleese character in the film Clockwise.
Also - Groucho Marx while feeling the pulse of an unconscious woman:
"She's either dead or my watch has stopped."
2006-08-21 02:01:17 · answer #6 · answered by Matt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hahaha. I had a similar experience.. I threw a huge house party once & had a club DJ. A group of girls wanted to take photos with the famous DJ before leaving & were beginning to upset one guy friend. Eventually he says to them 'Jees girls, If youre goin on like this over this guy, what are you gunna do when jesus arrives?' .. I almost died laughing
2006-08-21 02:00:32 · answer #7 · answered by Claude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me a one-liner means a short joke, not a snappy comeback. So with this in mind:
This blonde walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one.
2006-08-21 01:55:07 · answer #8 · answered by johninmelb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I genuinely have some to verify from : " Mel Kiss My Grits !! : what Flo says on the old television educate Alice* " Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!!! " : The tonight educate w/ Johnny Carson also interior the action picture - The Shining. "What You Talkin' 'bout Willis?!" : different Strokes - Gary Coleman "DYNOMITE" J.J. on Goodtimes "Say hi To My Little acquaintances !!!!" : Scarface -Al Pacino properly - i might want to offer more beneficial yet,might want to like others to have a probability too. ; P
2016-11-05 07:14:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend, inside of a dog it's too dark to read.- Groucho Marx
2006-08-21 02:05:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋