I had a party for my daughter this weekend & my boyfriend came with his children. This was the first time he'd been to my home, he met all my friends, my mom, saw where I live. (We've been seeing one another for just over a month) The party started at 4 pm & about 6 he said he'd have to wrap it up cos they were going home to watch wresting pay per view. So he left, went to his cousins' house where it sounded like they'd all moved on to a huge party with a lot of folks there. Was I right to get mad? ( & my feelings are definitely hurt! ) It was only one evening & he could have told them, "sorry, I have plans with my girlfriend that evening & can't come watch wrestling that night." Or was that expecting too much? I went to a lot of trouble to make this a great party for the adults as well as the children, so that's not the issue. I am steamed & do not want to talk to him when he calls me this morning cos I'm afraid I'm going to rip into him. Advice, plz? & don't be nasty about it, thx
2006-08-21 01:43:52 · 11 answers · asked by pumpkin 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He made the plans to go to wrestling on the way TO my house. I talked with him when he called this morning & he was so clueless - he had no idea my feelings were hurt. I didn't "rip" the way I wanted, but he got defensive & bent outta shape cos I was upset. His reasoning "you were running around busy with the party, you didn't spend much time with me at all". Well, duh, food to serve, cake to slice, a pinata to beat to death (LOL) etc. Ice, drinks, presents - yes, I was busy. But after all that we could have enjoyed one another. His son is 17 & brought his 16 y/o g/f so they were busy. Yes, my feelings were hurt. Oh well -
2006-08-21 02:40:00 · update #1
You don't wanna rag on him too much cause he will get mad and defensive (trust me, my guy is this way and we have been together 8 months) You just need to ask him to come over to talk and tell him your feelings were really hurt that he bailed on your party for another one. Tell him you understand he was excited about wrestling but you were really looking forward to spending the evening with him. Be careful with your tone of voice... Don't get mad and yell- rather talk quietly and maybe throw in a tear or two- he will get the hint and hopefully apologize for hurting you, and you guys can move past it. Good luck honey.... I would have felt the same way.
2006-08-21 01:59:45 · answer #1 · answered by sarah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to be angry. But he also has a right to go to your party and another planned event. As a hostess you don't have the right to dictate how long people stay and when they leave. Granted your boyfriend should have stayed longer since there were many firsts here but you openly admit you have only been dating a month! Maybe wrestling is something he really enjoys and these events are planned well in advance like your party. I'd have a heart to heart talk and explain your feelings. Maybe he didn't know that you wanted him there, or had a reason to go that you don't know of. The fact is you should call him. You don't need to "rip into him". Just politly tell him how you saw what happened and let him talk as well. Hopefully next time you will both be on the same page and communicate better. Hope it works out...
2006-08-21 08:56:38 · answer #2 · answered by Mark S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey he did come to the party, he met your family and friends AND stayed for 2 hours. Give the guy a break. THis is only a month long relationship ya know. It sounds like he had plans with the guys but he did make time for you too. I would be greatful for what he did do and not make a big deal out of the length of time he did it.
2006-08-21 08:50:46 · answer #3 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being reasonable. This relationship is still fairly new. He came to your home and met your family.... He stayed for two hours with his kids.... If you are feeling angry at him it's because you are thinking selfishly. Think about how anxiety producing all that must have been for him and his children. Think about the added anxiety he must have felt knowing how uncomfortable his children may be in a room full of strangers. I don't know if he's a weekend Dad, but if he is, I'm sure he didn't want to spend that time stressing out his kids, or being stressed out himself. Really look at yourself and try to be more empathetic. If you are trying to grow in a loving relationship, remember love is more selfless than selfish.
2006-08-21 09:04:22 · answer #4 · answered by P. C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would have to agree.. he was there for 2 hours.. he probably made sure he stayed for all the important things.. like presents.. cake.. ice cream blah blah :)
he met everyone..
i don't think you should give him a hard time.. perhaps he made the plans for the wrestling way before he knew about your party.. (those things always seem well planned a head)
i'd give him a break :)
2006-08-21 08:54:57 · answer #5 · answered by steph 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you lay in to him he may see it as you trying to control him. Your relationship is way too young for you to make demands on him. You can mention how disappointed you were that he had to leave so soon but don't make a big deal or get all emotional about it. You are likely to scare him off.
2006-08-21 08:50:29 · answer #6 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it was him! He came with his kids who didn't know ANYBODY there and maybe after a while they started to feel uncomfortable or bored and they wanted to hang out with the people they know at their Dad's cousin's house.
I think it's kind of great that he came to meet your family with his kids along, and means he probably really likes you!
2006-08-21 08:52:25 · answer #7 · answered by aggie babe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it was nice of him to make arrangements to be at your party before going to the other one. He handled his engagements very well.
2006-08-21 08:56:32 · answer #8 · answered by Avid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your guy was probably just trying to multi-task. I don't think he meant to hurt your feelings. Give him a chance : )
2006-08-21 08:51:56 · answer #9 · answered by greatgurl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time to throw that one back, more fish in the sea!
2006-08-21 08:51:26 · answer #10 · answered by postaljack 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋